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Hi Everyone and Dear Me, This is a nasty addiction and its harder to kick than the addiction to other substances I've managed to beat into remission and stay clean from one day at a time. Nicotine is much harder. I smoked for 36 years and have been vaping for the last 3 years. I love the experience of vaping: everything about it except the embarrassment that I was doing it. When I'm quit, once I entertain the idea of smoking or vaping (just once! lol) the desire grows and grows and grows even as I remind myself its a terrible idea, of how I've been doing well and of all the reasons NOT to. Then it seems like I can't NOT smoke or vape. I know I can make the choice not to though. I've made it before! I've had two long term quits in my life! So I know I can do it. I want to coexist in my nonsmoking family as a nonsmoker and be around for years and years to come! This is a very very familiar pattern to me. Its the same thought pattern and behavior as I had with drugs and alcohol, and the same one I still struggle with, with food. So it stands to reason if I use the same tools I learned in recovery and apply them to smoking, which is what I did on my last significant quit, that I WILL STAY QUIT. I am still open to any suggestions, advice or recommendations. I'm going to spend my evening reading and chatting on the forum, watching Joel Spitzer's videos, brushing my teeth repeatedly, deep breathing and sipping cooooold ice water (helps me more than gum) I also plan to start a blog in the blog section. I also want to encourage others, not only because I want to help others but because it will help me as well. And I need to remember that my sister and brother in law, who are four years older than me, are healthier than me and look much younger than they are. Younger than me maybe even. They have that smooth skin and no vertical lines around their lips, no vertical lines on their neck when its tightened up. IDK if I can reverse the signs of smoking on my face or just stop it in its tracks but the most important thing is my health and longevity anyway. Thanks again for the tough love guys. My every intention at this moment is to stay and have a permanent quit.