Why do you think the word apple is in pineapple? 

3 europeans come to America. They all get captured by native americans and they want to kill them. But the europeans beg to have their lives spared. The native americans agreed to not kill them on one condition: the europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit and they will be informed what to do with it. So the first guy comes back with a peach. The native american says "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass and he laughs, and the native americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The native american tells him the same thing. He laughs and the native american kills him. They both see each other in heaven and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy so thats why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, “Oh yea I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!”

Do you know many pineapple jokes Weegie?

No, i dont, my jokes are mostly poor like how do you stop a fish from smelling? 

I have not heard that one Weegie?

Are you cutting off its nose?

You gottit slippy, you seem to know the same bad jokes as me? 

I love bad jokes and I'm liking the way you tell them. Have you got any more?

What do you call a man lying outside your front door? 

Matt? Have you done any stints at a comedy club Weegie?

Oi how di you know all my gags? 

You tell them better than anyone else. When you carry on would you like me to pretend I don't know them?

Do you think our american and aussie pals get oor jokes? 

I've not heard them so perhaps I can just sit back and enjoy the show?

What do you call a man with a car on his head?

Jack....what do you call a man in a pile of leaves? 

Not heard this one, what do you call a man in a pile of leaves?

Russell!!! Talking of russell can you believe i once convinced a colleague that i had a family member called Russell Sprout??

I did persuade my wife (against her better judgement) that we should give our son the middle name ozade because of a legendary Brazilian footballer.

 

Luckily for Luke I didn't follow through with it.

 

What do you call a man with cat scratches on his head?

 

Luke ozade sounds cool slippy! Oooo im not sure what is a man with cat scratches on his head?! 

Claude

 

So what's being served at Bar Weegie tonight?

Naw im aff it tonight, over did it a bit last night, note to self do not mix my drinks! Can you believe my grans sherry tasted good at the time? 

Do you know that's the first drink I ever got drunk on?

 

(not your nan's obviously, I'm sure she wasn't drinking sherry at the time)

Oh you are posh, i thought everyone first got drunk on cheap nasty cider? 

I guess it depends on your age? When did you first get drunk with accompanying hangover?