Wine drinkers are lightweights

 

Do stores steal picture frames because every one I buy has someone's family in it?

They buy them in bulk from salvation army

 

 

 

What's the opposite of crowd noise?

Solitary silence

 

Why do dogs eat cat shit?

Because it looks bad if they're eating pu##y (cats)

 

 

Why do cats bury their poop?

Edited September 14, 20205 yr by Mac#23

To hide it from dogs

 

Why won't the measuring tape I bought stick to anything?

You need to pull it out all the way first

 

 

Is sand paper actually made with real sand?

Yes and the sand company is about 20 miles from my house

 

Why do men miss the toilet bowl so much?

Because of something called TAD ( toilet attention deficit)

 

Do you think a bullseye in the bowl might help?

I doubt it but try it and get back to us on that

 

Why do ducks quack when all the other birds chirp?

Because a quack is just a very deep sounding chirp

 

Why are ducks so aggressive towards humans?

 

They want our bread

 

Why do I need to buy a thermometer to take my temperature won't my meat thermometer do?

 

 

Sure if you plan on basting yourself at 275 degrees

 

Is it a couch or a sofa?

Neither, it's a love seat but thanks for asking

 

Can only people in love own a love seat?

Only if the love to always seated

 

What is bluegrass music named after?

The green green grass of home

 

Why are some streets circles and others are courts?

So that they don't all have the same name

 

What's the difference between thruway and expressway?

The expressway takes you quicker to the thruway 

 

Why does my autocorrect think it's right all the time?

That's because it is correct hence the phrase autocorrect

 

When you're happy are you grinning or smiling?

I'm smiling, thank you for asking

 

How do they handcuff a one armed man?

 

 

 

 

Put both cuffs on same wrist

 

Why do they call a billy club a baton?

Because Billy club sounds so aggressive

 

If my heart breaks will I die?

Only if you have an ice cold heart

 

So should the phrase go mowing your lawn or mowing your grass?

It depends on the location

 

Everyone refers to their cars as she but how are they figuring out the gender?

No worries, it's just wishful thinking on their part

 

Why do new show ads always show the best parts of the show?

So they'll fool us into watching them

 

What do piano keys unlock?