Mrs. Bakon has a rough day tomorrow...let's see if we can post funny things to at least make her smile a little...I hope she likes silly jokes because that is all I've got...

 

Q:  What does the snail say when it is riding on the turtle's back?

 

A:  Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!

 

How do you catch a unique rabbit?

 

 

Unique up on him! 

What is brown and sticky?

 

 

 

 

 

 

↓

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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↓

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A stick!

 

I went to buy some camouflage pants the other day, but I couldn't find any!

What's invisible and smells like carrots ?

 

 

 

 

 

A bunny fart.

Where does a king keep his armies?

 

 

 

In his sleevies.  

 

 

LOL  hahahaha  cracks me up every time!!!  :)

Why is the number six so scared?

 

 

 

Because seven eight nine!

So funny!!

Really funny!

 

What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant?

 

 

Swimming trunks.

 

Why did Tigger look in the toilet?

Because he was looking for Pooh

What did the penis say to the condom?

 

Cover me im going in!

Rated R

 

 

1. So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere …..

 

2. A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.

 

3. Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One turns to the other and says "I can't believe I just blew thirty bucks in there."

 

4. Two Irishman walk past a bar ….

 

5. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

 

6. Why do Scotsman wear kilts? Because sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.  :P

Did you hear about the two silkworms who had a race? 

 

 

It ended in a tie.

How to lose MASSIVE amounts of weight!

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5lbs weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck..

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."

Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later puffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 5lbs as promised.

He calls the company and orders their 5-day/10lbs program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me you can have me".

Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.

Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 10lbs as promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/25 lbs program.

"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program." "Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."

The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, you are mine."

He lost 33 lbs that week.

 

 

6. Why do Scotsman wear kilts? Because sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.  :P

 

:o Slander I tell you!

 

 

 

 

 

If you stay downwind they can't hear a thing.... ;)

Why did the banana go to the doctors?

 

 

 

It wasn't peeling well!!!

What do you call a donkey with 1 leg?

 

A Wonkey!

 

 

 

 

What do you call a donkey with 1 leg and 1 eye?

 

A Winkey Wonkey!

Two cows are stood in a field, one says "moooooooooooo", the other one says " damn it I was gonna say that"!

doctor doctor, everytime i drink coffee i get a stabbing pain in my eye. try taking the teaspoon out.

Sausage and an egg in a frying pan.

Sausage says "By, its hot in here!"

Egg says "F**k me! A talking sausage!"