Jump to content

Search the Community

Showing results for tags 'smoking partner'.

  • Search By Tags

    Type tags separated by commas.
  • Search By Author

Content Type


Forums

  • Quit Smoking Station
    • The S.O.S. Board
    • Introductions & About Us
    • Quit Smoking Discussions
    • The Daily NOPE Pledge
    • Celebrations!
    • Joel Spitzer's Quit Smoking Video Library
    • Vaping & Juuling: Unquestionable Addiction, Reckless Aftermath
  • Non-Smoking Lounge
    • Socializing
    • Books, Movies & Music
    • Games
    • Exercising & Healthy Living
  • Big Tobacco: Exposing The Fraud & Deceit
    • Criminal Probe
    • Big Tobacco In The News

Blogs

  • Big Tobacco Advertising Today
  • Big Tobacco In The News
  • E-Cigarettes? Not So Fast
  • The FDA & The Tobacco Industry
  • The Surgeon General
  • NOPE; Evelyn's Blog
  • Ladybug's Blog
  • AmberDawn727's Blog
  • Rachael's BloggyBlog
  • Tracey's Blog
  • frez's Blog
  • The Blog of Eternal Stench.
  • El Bandito's Blog
  • Trish's Blog
  • annael25's Blog
  • Aine's Blog
  • Amy's Blog
  • MarylandQuitter's Blog
  • IamDoingIt: I am quitting smoking!
  • PetraD's Blog
  • action's Blog
  • DD's Incoherent Ramblings
  • sharonsiff's Blog
  • jimmy's Blog
  • Beacon's Blog
  • Marti's Blog
  • Colleen's Blog
  • Jenny's Blog
  • nosmotiffany's Blog
  • Jackie66's Blog
  • Ava's Blog
  • babs609's Blog
  • CassandaFox's Blog
  • Gabby's Blog
  • Markus' Blog
  • Holski's Blog
  • SanDar's Blog
  • NayNay's Blog
  • Humbled's Blog
  • Chrysalis' Blog
  • Sazerac
  • Suerose´s blog
  • sammie's Blog
  • iQuit41's Blog
  • The journey of a quitter
  • Natalie´s words
  • Shaddykat's Blog
  • Kristin's Blog
  • Hey I am Piper.
  • Start
  • Jules' Blog
  • jess' Blog
  • Jackie66's Blog
  • Sonic
  • NicotineAndCrumpetsOhMy's Blog
  • Mastergardener's Blog
  • Jeffrey's Blog
  • Jclarke241's Blog
  • CPK's Blog
  • Jen's Blog
  • NOPE
  • Mike.'s Blog
  • Mike.'s Blog
  • Mike.'s Blog
  • Mike.'s Blog
  • Mike.'s Blog
  • Raya's Blog
  • MichelleDoesntSmoke's Blog
  • Toni's Blog
  • The Journey to a Smoke Free Life
  • KmannOH's Blog
  • Jumping off point
  • TinaT's Blog
  • flokatia's Blog
  • Beth B's Blog
  • CPK's Wild Quit Ride
  • Donotwannasmoke's Blog
  • sunnyside's Blog
  • sunnyside's Blog
  • Thomas' Blog
  • Quitting For Me
  • Muench's Blog
  • IndigoChilde's Blog
  • No Smokin' U Fool
  • Morgan's Quit Smoking Blog
  • spencerhastin502's Blog
  • gloworm's Blog
  • Momo's Brick House
  • My Non-smoking journy
  • Sherri L.'s Blog
  • peaceanjel's Blog
  • Kendra's Blog
  • doingitthistime's Blog
  • jillygirl's Blog
  • jillygirl's Blog
  • DeeGal's Blog
  • PixelSketch's Blog
  • georgen's Blog
  • otm quotidian
  • Kelle's Blog
  • flynurse33's Blog
  • Breathless57's Blog
  • nervousnellie's Blog
  • Holly's Blog
  • My Quit
  • Jayhawk's Blog
  • Wizmo's Blog
  • LisaMK's Blog
  • Turkey Time
  • Ellen
  • Edie
  • Lust4Life
  • testing
  • Rozuki
  • TravellingSunny
  • It's time for a journey
  • Within Power
  • Releasing my addiction
  • Journey to freedom
  • Time Dilation
  • Rozuki
  • Beat the Demon
  • Lilly
  • bird
  • redemption3
  • Queen B
  • Personal SOS Space
  • Tranquil, Tensile or Tormented
  • My Quit
  • Reasonds
  • My headspace....
  • Reasonds
  • ICanHike
  • Solo
  • My path to freedom
  • Michelle's No Smoking Blog
  • richard
  • NoNicChick's Blog
  • TEAM DEADPOOL
  • Same name - same game - new battle
  • My heart is broken
  • Diary / Thoughts
  • Viv's corner
  • 1Blackketter
  • forestgreen
  • Abby's Quit
  • I slipped
  • Rick92's Nope Journey
  • dancing
  • Nana20
  • 1 year today.
  • Margeetx
  • Margeetx
  • Jillar's Thought of the Day...
  • Journaling the 1st day of quitting
  • Pick of the Week
  • My Blog
  • My Blog
  • Andy
  • Andy

Find results in...

Find results that contain...


Date Created

  • Start

    End


Last Updated

  • Start

    End


Filter by number of...

Joined

  • Start

    End


Group


AIM


MSN


Website URL


ICQ


Yahoo


Jabber


Skype


Location


Interests


Quit Date

Found 2 results

  1. Good morning. I am a long standing quitter and have been at this for a long time. I'm not proud of this. I have done a great job of overcoming the psycological reasons for smoking and I no longer romance the smoke. BUT I obviously have to work on the stinking thinking that smoking can give me anything: pleasure, satisfaction etc. I live with a partner who smokes and I started smoking with him again occasionally. Oh yes, that stinking thinking that I can have just one or I can smoke for the night with him and stop the next day. We all know how that story ends. I know that if I want to protect this new quit, I can't have one puff ever. I decided that I need to get back to basis and focus on not one puff ever. I am not going to smoke today.
  2. A lot of couples struggle when one person quits smoking and the other does not. I’ve been reflecting on recent Quit Train discussions on this topic, because for decades I was "the smoking spouse." I didn’t smoke in our home or in our car. But the smoke clung to me and was present everywhere I went. It caused a ton of tension with my mate. The stink. The health worries. The temptation to join in. She H-A-T-E-D my smoking. That felt like a very personal rejection to me. She knew I was a smoker before we got together (and even joined in sometimes), so why couldn’t she accept me for who I was? I was making my own choices. Why did she want me to give up something I loved? She had bad habits that bugged me, so why couldn’t I have a bad habit that bugged her? All of this felt very visceral and valid on the surface. But in actuality it was stinkin thinkin, and a rotten heap of rationalization. My smoking was not a mere “bad habit.” It was a raging addiction. And living with an addict is tough. Getting my fix of nicotine was always the priority, always the organizing principle of our lives, one that I superimposed on her without her consent. Smoking was how I spent a lot of my time and money. Over and over again, I’d walk away from her – literally and figuratively – to go smoke. Over and over again, I chose to put my own gratification first - above her feelings and fears. This de-centered and abandoned her in subtle but significant ways. Not the kind of spouse I wanted to be. My partner knew better than to try to force me to quit. She knew that breaking an addiction only happens from an internal commitment. But we still fought about it. And what I learned during those fights (eventually… begrudgingly… belatedly…) turned out to be important. It helped me recognize how my smoking affected her. I also became weary of all the tension around the issue. I had an ambivalent relationship with smoking anyway. Was it really worth all the crap it was causing? As this was percolating, I was also watching my father die. He was sick for many years, and my mother sacrificed everything for his care. It depleted her physically, financially, and emotionally. Watching that slow motion tragedy was instructive. I didn’t want that for my relationship. Getting old is hard enough, even without complications from smoking. There’s no predicting what the lotto of life will toss our way, but my smoking was unilaterally increasing the odds of a bad outcome that would affect her deeply. Again, not the kind of spouse I wanted to be. I ultimately made my own decision to stop smoking. My partner was not the only reason I quit, but it was a big one. To this day, supporting her wellbeing is something I can hold onto and use to protect my quit when cravings arise. Two highly independent people will always butt heads occasionally. I still annoy her sometimes, and vice versa. But quitting has right-sized our conflicts. Before I quit, small tensions absorbed extra energy from the major unresolved conflict between us (smoking). Refreshingly, now we just argue about dishes or yard work or whatever, without loaded subtext. I was fearful that I would feel resentful, but the opposite is actually true. Quitting is freeing. It's so much simpler. And the benefits for my partner are a beautiful part of my recovery journey. I’m grateful for the chance to be on this healing road, with plenty of help from the good souls here on the Quit Train.

About us

QuitTrain®, a quit smoking support community, was created by former smokers who have a deep desire to help people quit smoking and to help keep those quits intact.  This place should be a safe haven to escape the daily grind and focus on protecting our quits.  We don't believe that there is a "one size fits all" approach when it comes to quitting smoking.  Each of us has our own unique set of circumstances which contributes to how we go about quitting and more importantly, how we keep our quits.

 

Our Message Board Guidelines

Get in touch

Follow us

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Guidelines

Please Sign In or Sign Up