Fluffyyellowduck

A few days ago my DREAM kitten was born... Big fluffy white female. I havenʻt named her yet

Someone brought me a cigarette. I explained I was quitting yesterday but they did it anyway to be nice, and I tried to hand it back and I said "I donʻt need it" and then they said "Just hang onto it." They wouldnʻt take it back. FORTUNATELY, my 11YO was right next to me after they left, and said "Please donʻt! PLEASE donʻt!" so which snapped me a little bit out of a near out of body experience where I canʻt really think all that well. I put it out of sight so they could have it back. Iʻm trying and Iʻm hanging on but realistically even if I flushed it down the toilet, there would be more around in a few hours and life will always be that way so I canʻt really get mad about it. You still have to be around people who smoke, so accessibility is never really over, it will probably always be offered and I will always have to resist, and I know that the mind has to be trained with self-discipline. I know in 48 hours if I stick with it I really wonʻt care that much and Iʻll feel normal ALL of the time and not just only after a cigarette. I know the temptation will be gone but it really does make me feel crazy. I know if I want to get sick and dizzy and tired then I might as well drink a half a jug milk and spin around in circles for 2-3 minutes. I know all of these things and yet my brain keeps trying to convince me that if I do it wonʻt big a deal and I can start over. AND I KNOW ITʻS A LIE

ok, NOPE. MAN THATS HARD TO SAY RIGHT NOW

Some of my more favorite reads are all of the old original fairy tales and I'm not afraid to admit it. Hans Christian Anderson is a favorite of mine. I love his short stories. There were so much in the old stories like Cinderella (who apparentally got the name Cinder-wench from hanging out under the cinders while cleaning the floor all day) that have so many interesting differences from what we're used to AND they completely left out the lizards from what I can remember. We probably wouldn't read them all to our children today, as some like Bluebeard are so gruesome. It's like a horror and led to an awkward conversation at bedtime when I was reading from an OLD collection (1800s) of childrens stories.

Yes but it isn't really just about that. It wouldn't really that way all of the time. It wouldn't matter what I was doing if I was doing something positive to work on myself it would be considered as "selfish". I am trying to not let it get me down. I don't want to end up ruminating and feeling bad all day and I didn't know what to do with my emotions, but fortunately I have ADHD, so I am taking advantage of that by joining a Python course that I might not actually complete to occupy my brain. If I spend all this time distracted and not smoking, then I still have gotten something out of it.

What I'm talking about is those people who always have something negative to say, or when you're getting on a good path, and you feel like you're doing good then they kind of say whatever they can say to knock you back down. This is my problem every single time I want to quit. I am making it work and I'm doing well, but then the verbal abuse comes around the corner and knocks me back down. It isn't a "walk out of the room" situation or "avoid this person" possibility because I'm just sort of stuck with it at this time but I could really use some advice on how to be the peace in the storm without suppressing my emotions with nicotine. That has always been my "brick wall" self-defense mechanism.

Thanks everyone! I appreciate the feedback. I saved the link from johnny5 and I watched a few of the videos from Joel. I appreciate the homework! It helps me to commit to something if I have something to focus on and work on. On a positive note, my appetite is back, which is one of the reasons I wanted to quit since smoking suppresses your appetite and I could stand to gain a few pounds. Something to rejoice about.

Hello Everyone, I am wanting to quit smoking and I havenʻt done very well in the past, partly due to not having any emotional support whatsoever, so I thought I would try here! I have been addicted to nicotine for 14 years. I would like to quit because anything that makes me feel like Iʻm not in control of my emotions really freaks me out and I donʻt want to be a pain to anyone else. Thinking Iʻm a problem has done a lot of damage to my self-esteem. I hate waiting every time I run out and having to go through withdrawals and a viscous cycle of having and not having. I also would like to have more energy. Thank you!