I need some guidance...
I'm going to tell you about myself and this may be long because I am complex (who isn't).
I am a 39 yr old (40 in late May) mother & grandmother. I became addicted to cigarettes at age 12 so 27 years ago (geez). I am a chain smoker, I smoke 3 packs easily a day. I do not work outside of my home for several reasons however the main reason is I'm disabled from being ran over by a car which years later resulted in having Avascular Necrosis. I am also raising my only grandchild Ali who is 2 and a half years old. She is my everything.
As for my personality... I am a very caring, empathetic, compassionate, honest, straightforward, blunt, set in my ways, stubborn and persistent, perfectionist. With that being said... Failure is my biggest fear and not an option with anything I do. On paper that's sounds like a good thing when it comes to making a decision and sticking to it. However, any perfectionist will tell you that we will actually subconsciously plan and plan for the PERFECT way to achieve our goal (to perfection) that it turns into procrastination. And while we are planning we start beating ourselves up for not completing our goals and failing which leads to the feeling of not being good enough, a failure... Then depression.
I (and most perfectionists) do fantastic under pressure and deadlines that are set by others but struggle under deadlines set by ourselves... Examples... I knew that I needed to step in and get custody of my granddaughter Ali. So after filing for permanent custody there were set court dates that I KNEW I had to be prepared for. I studied the laws and for each and every court date I was meticulously prepared and in just 6 months I was granted FULL PERMANENT custody without ever hiring an attorney!
However, on the other hand, I am an EXTREME couponer and have decided to reorganize my coupon filing system... Which has lead to weeks of countless hours of me researching which file guides, boxes and folders are going to work best. Yes, I have spent WEEKS (I believe a month already) researching FILE FOLDERS!
So as for quitting smoking I KNOW I Will be successful however my brain tells me ONLY if I do it the RIGHT way. Ugh! Which I know consciously there is no RIGHT way. I "feel" as though I need to research and research the absolute BEST WAY to quit however I know that will lead to everyday ALL DAY research for months!
I have always told my kids that I would quit when I was 40 "I promise"... And I only use those words when I can guarantee it!
I want to quit for all of the same reasons that everyone else has money, health blah blah blah, I, like most, have seen friends and family suffer serious health problems due to their smoking and don't want to follow suit... But the forefront reason for me is... I am starting over as though I'm in my 20s again raising a child. I was one year shy of an empty nester... I already have joint and bone disabilities and I NEED to stay as healthy as I can for Ali, she needs me! I don't want this beautiful girl to go to school stinking either. Plus I NEED to live as long as possible because we are sortof 15 years late with life, meaning, when she graduates I'll be in my mid-late fifties not early 40s, my great grandchildren will actually also be my grandchildren! I want to see ALI'S children grow up too!
Oh real quick side note... When Ali was born I stopped smoking in my house so I significantly cut down to under a pack/day without issue so I KNOW I don't need to smoke as much as I do... However I'm back to in my house one cig after another 20/hrs a day.
So back to my smoking and my questions... I listened to Jason Vale's app and the Freedom techniques and it sounds motivating.
With my personality should I set a date? Or just do it? Should I finish the pack? Or keep it? See having an opened pack makes me think "unfinished" but having absolutely no cigs in the house would make me feel like a forced jail and misery so I would go buy some. Maybe finish a pack but have an unopened pack? Should i cut down first? Perhaps start with smoking outside again? I'm a busy body and cannot just sit and do nothing so maybe force myself into if I'm having a cig it must be nothing else like the phone, tv, etc? I also have a girl who works for me who smokes... How to handle that? Ali goes to my mother's once a week overnight, should I quit when she's gone and life is calmer? Or when she is here so I am busier?
Though this took me over an hour to type and proofread I have found it therapeutic and I may actually be coming up with ideas but I sure need advice.
Thank you ALL so much!