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geetarsteve

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  1. geetarsteve

    Day 8: Getting better?

    So day 6 was brutal. Simply brutal. I had a few moments where it was so overwhelming I really considered just giving up, but what kept me going was knowing (I talked about this when I first started, since this is not my first attempt by a long shot) that there's no such thing as "just one": I'm choosing between going back to square one and having to do day 1-5 again, or pushing through. And that kept me going, because day 1-5 sucked and I don't want to do them again. Day 7 was also brutal, but maybe a smidge better. That made it easier to get through, as I was kind of feeling like maybe I'm through the worst of it. This morning (day 8) has been pretty good so far, but who knows what trials the rest of the day has for me. The key for me, though, is going to be continuously remembering that I am an addict; that I can never go back; and not to fall into the trap of being 10 days or two months or three years out and having a crap day and falling prey to the "just one" trap. Thanks everyone for all the help, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be here without all of you.
  2. geetarsteve

    Tough week

    Well, today was definitely the toughest. I had a few really, really rough moments but I just kept reminding myself of the truth: if I cave now, I’ll just have to pay the same price again tomorrow, with the whole week I just pushed trough wasted. About noon I got the bright idea to start guzzling Diet Coke (I never drink soda) which has been really distracting and effective. I’m basically 90% carbonated right now, but it’s getting me through. This group really helps, both because of the support, and the embarrassment of having to admit failure if I fail, and because I appreciate all the support.
  3. geetarsteve

    Tough week

    Really, really rough morning. Definitely the worst yet. I’m trying to bank these feelings in memory so a year from now when I’m thinking “just one”, I can remind myself of the price I have to pay and that I never want to pay it again. Really rough morning.
  4. geetarsteve

    Tough week

    Nearing the end of week 1. Things are definitely getting tougher; not easier. Would love the fast forward button to skip the next few weeks, but you gotta pay the price.
  5. geetarsteve

    Day 5: Uggh

    Day 5. Feeling crap. Headaches, tired, nauseous all week long. It' kind of like a really bad flu, but knowing that I can head down to the store and feel better any time. And all it would cost me is my health, a small fortune, and a few lost decades where I could be watching my (very future) grandkids grow up. Uggh. Staying strong, but feeling crap.
  6. So... day 4! Rough ride in that I've felt crap all week long (nauseau, migraines, etc.) but nothing has dented my resolve and I am 100% confident that this is it. It did get me thinking though: addiction is an amazing thing. Basically, your body has mechanisms to try to override your conscious brain. And not just by brute force (making you feel awful until you give in): also by being sneaky and sending you all these ideas that are objectively ridiculous but sound really great to justify your addiction (my personal favorite: after Sept 11 I used to tell myself that I was safer as a smoker because whenever I'd go outside I would be safe in case a plan smacked into my building; I'd love to hear your favorite ridiculous addictive thoughts). What's interesting to me about this is that this ability evolved. So as our conscious brains become more impressive, it must have led to deadly mistakes and somewhere there became a competitive advantage for your body/subconcious to be able to overcome your conscious brain. This actually makes a lot of sense in some cases (fear of heights, your inability to starve yourself), but also created the addiction problem where we end up doing thing that are bad for us against our will. I recognize that I'm not being as clear and articulate as I would like (hey, I said it was a rough week!) but hopefully you get the idea...
  7. geetarsteve

    This is it!

    Off to a *rough* start. Definitely not feeling well this morning, all kinds of nauseous. Oh well, you gotta pay the price if you want to live your best life. No way I’m going to crack. No. Way.
  8. geetarsteve

    This is it!

    Thanks all, help greatly appreciated. I am feeling strong tonight, and spending some time going through all the health problems addiction has caused me, and the reasons I want to add a few decades to my life. No doubt there are going to be some tough times, and I plan to use the S.O.S. page ad nauseum. At best, it'll waste time to let the cravings past, at worst it'll give me some strength to get through the worst. I know myself well enough to know that the first week will be ok: some tough times, but strong resolve to overcome them. It's the second/third/fourth week when cravings mostly pass, and I'm not thinking about this all the time, but then they hit strong and there's an opportunity to break down and my brain convinces me that one time won't be so bad and I'll be back to it tomorrow. Nope. Not this time. This time is different because this time I'm going in knowing there is no going back, no days off, no "maybe I'll have one day a year". No relapses, not ever again, not for one second, not for any reason. I'll chew my arm off before I go back to it. (Side note: I'm not a doctor, so don't take this as a medical opinion, but, if I had to guess, amazingly, it is probably healthier to quit smoking and chew your arm off than to keep smoking forever).
  9. geetarsteve

    This is it!

    Hi everyone, new here. This is it for me. I've tried and failed to quit a bunch of times over the last few years, and it's a constant battle, so I'm pretty much always in a state of either withdrawal or relapse, never really feeling good or feeling good about myself. Just quit for two months, then relapsed on super bowl sunday (my team was in it! I figured just one day off and I'll get right back to it! Stupid.), on and off since then. But this is really it for me. I can feel it. This time is different. Going cold turkey, really committed. Starting in the morning, and never going back, not just for one day, not just for one second, not ever. I think in the past I always figured I could take "a day off" a few months down the line, so that got me through the near term bad times, but always backfired because once you start thinking that way, eventually you're going to relapse. But I want to live long, and I want to feel good, so I'm just going cold turkey and I'm going to blow through the cravings and the bad moods and the misery and just get through. What's different this time? Three things: 1) The resolve. I'm there. I'm not giving in again. 2) The understanding that this is forever. I've never done this before with the clear understanding that any relapse, even one second, is the same as not having even started. 3) This board. I'm going to try posting here when things are really tough. I figure this will, at worst, give me a place to vent to people who understand, and hopefully distract me enough when things are bad to get through. So I'm not going to say "Here's hoping", because this. is. it. I am done. Thanks for listening!

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