Leaderboard

I am 4 days away from making Old Pharte Status and I will be away with work which seems almost apt for my anniversary as I was away with work when I quit. all I can say is what a journey! phew, so much has happened in a year ....... This is not a pat on the back thread, this thread is dedicated to the newbies or others still finding their quit feet I know when I first quit I looked up to the old phartes and thought I want to be where they are, they are so sure of themselves and their quits, that is where I want to be! I listened and watched them but in the same token I felt they were a mile away from what I was feeling as they have traveled so far from the path I was traveling on at the time but I wanted to look ahead. My quit has been up and down and although I am on easy street for now, I do not forget the bumps in the road as that is where most of my education came from, from actually going through it and coming out the otherside I could not have done it without the support from members here who I class as friends, not fleshy but still friends :) we have laughed and cried together for a year, below are some examples of those bumps http://www.quittrain.com/topic/1485-being-on-your-guard/ http://www.quittrain.com/topic/1704-sos/ http://www.quittrain.com/topic/2325-my-stupid-junkie-brain/ http://www.quittrain.com/topic/2529-fed-up-tough-love-needed/ so those new here who think wow Tracey is solid in her quit, yes she is but just like you, there were wobbles so what you are feeling or thinking someone here really did go through the same thing and understands. It is why I always say to people read and post and work it through because it is possible to come through the wobbles. People will keep telling us how it can be done and one day we listen and before we know it we are doing it! And cruising down easy street.

I am 8 months and some change quit. I have a vigilant, supported, hard fought for quit and I genuinely love being a non smoker. I'm not just saying it. I have no desire to be a smoker ever again, I will not be chained, I will not be sick by choice apart from anything I've already done. I was on holiday, holiday triggers, yep! Got it, fought it!! Screw that, no way. I understand, it's a situation I haven't faced before. I've seen it at parties, in gatherings. When we meet with friends. All done and dusted, I can go out with smokers now and socialise, I don't think about smoking doing that. Then there's this last couple of weeks and it's just plain odd. It's almost like going back to the rinse and repeat month, except it's different too. Then it was wanna smoke, don't smoke, ok. Wanna smoke, don't smoke, OK. Now it's what the actual F, why am I looking longingly at that person who gets to smoke...oh hold on a minute...doesn't get to smoke, HAS to smoke, I don't want to smoke (really? you really don't?), duh. That is where I am and I don't understand this one? I feel like someone has delivered me to the wrong party!! Shopping today I looked at people smoking twice and thought man, I can't smoke like they can and felt sad. So to me there's no relapse being planned subconciously or anything I just don't understand why I would feel that when I don't want to smoke? So I brought myself a nice new rug. In case I'm tempted, I spunked my money on something beautiful, but I don't think I am. I'm a bit confused. Vigilant and aware, but confused.