You get an overwhelming boost of courage!

 

I insert my comput.......fizz..crackle....   *signal disappears*

and out comes a handsome Neanderthal

 

I put in three important looking, lost little bolts

And you restore the machine to its previous magnificence! In thanks, it dispenses a vigorous maple mame.

 

I insert the handsome Neanderthal

and out comes an articulate translation of 'vigorous maple mame'

 

i insert the translation hidden in a vegan fortune cookie

It imbues you with good fortune for up to one year for all things vegan-related

 

I insert my rain jacket

out pops a crumpled ticket to a dark and dangerous movie theatre

 

I insert a packet of aspirin, a packet of seeds and a packet of 100 dollar bills

It reads ERROR, so you pound on the machine and out pops a Coke

 

I insert one end of a rope

and out it comes in a neatly tied noose but, alas, not enough rope.

 

I insert strike anywhere matches

And a Smokey the Bear iron-on patch is ejected into your waiting hand.

 

I insert last night's dishes

and out comes confusion, chaos and calamity

 

I slip in a tiny, intricately folded piece of handmade paper

You get out a Subway napkin.

 

I insert a family-size can of Chef Boyardee beef ravioli.

and out comes Ptomaine Poisoning

 

I insert a perfectly packed Duluth Pack 

It won't accept it, as it's trying to push something out. It's an antidote to Ptomaine Poisoning!

 

Fully recovered, I reinsert the perfectly packed Duluth Pack.

out comes wild cat and trout bones

 

I drop directions in

Keep up your blood sugar so you don't get crazy or, crazier than normal razy

how did you know I'd be in here?

 

"chug-chutter-ptoey" it rumbles and spits out a bicycle, not shiny and new, but well-worn

 

i rip off the bike horn and insert it

and out comes Miles Davis

 

 

I insert three dead rats :)

Out comes a trumpet for Miles, followed shortly by a dead raccoon.

 

I insert an old Alanis Morissette CD titled Jagged Little Pill that is too scratched to work anymore.

out comes a platinum selling album....

 

I insert a dr. pepper.

out comes a rusted bolt

 

I put in a gallon jar of pennies

But it slips out of your hand as you're trying to shove it in and shatters onto the sidewalk :o The hobos in the immediate area swarm the machine!

 

After the coast is clear again, I insert the shards of glass remaining on the ground

out comes a giant uncut diamond, a marvel to behold.

 

I grind some black green and white peppercorns into the slot.

Out comes a tuna fish sandwich that I happily wolf down.

 

I insert a drink machine.

out comes delicious cool water sparkling in a tall glass

 

I slide in my favorite pocket knife

A 45 RPM Louis Armstrong Single titled "A Theme from The Threepenny Opera:  Mack the Knife"  comes out.

 

I put in some odds and ends from my pocket.