Thanks, Nancy. It's all about learning from the past and my commitment issues that I've had my whole life are what I believe are holding me back. But I've committed to change before and while it was hard I did it. Yes I had some slips but I learned from each one. So I'm taking what I learned from this a picking myself back up and staring fresh.

Hi Erin, Pleased you are jumping back in the saddle. Don't ever quit quitting and find a new plan for the trigger that tipped you over the edge.  Good practice run, now let's get to the read deal :)

 

So day 1??

 

x

Day 1 y'all!

 

And tears eyed woman: I COMPLETELY agree. Which was all the more reason I was upset with myself and said no excuses. The one thing I dislike about AA is the normalization of smoking. I had a long talk with my sponsor about it last night bc she is of that camp ("as long as you're not drinking.....") and I told her how important it is for me to quit and how I need her support and she was very compassionate. So, I'm back on. Going for a run after work. Will keep my daily posting in blog form on here for now so that i can be held accountable.

 

Love to you all!

Hey ETD.

 

First. Muppet. 

 

I don't want to get into the whole pedantic words discussion - particularly as you are probably much more versed in it than I am. Nor can I give any advice around the alcohol thing.

 

I can say this.

 

You didn't slip. I am not convinced that you were hungry, angry, lonely or tired either.

 

You went to a gas station and bought cigarettes because you are addicted to nicotine.

 

Nothing more and nothing less.

 

I am not trying to beat you up - I just want to check that we are all on the same page re accountability. You smoked because you chose to.

 

There - that said, it's fantastic that you are back on the train. 

 

Hope the run goes well!

El bandito: no harm seriously. I need a reality check. I am addicted. I need help and I need people to get me out of my delusional self and into my real self which is accepting this addiction. So keep calling me out. That's one of the reasons I'm here!!! I chose to pick up. I chose to not reach out and not use my coping skills.

 

I'm taking it minute by minute and trusting those that went before me.

Sometimes it's all we have to simply believe others that it will get better. 

 

Keep reading on here and also whyquit.com is a great site. I agree that you really have to hammer the "this is an addiction" point home to ourselves, we spent so long denying it or denying it was a problem that we believe the hype. Now you need to educate yourself on how it works as that is a powerful way to fight back. Ie when you want to smoke...knowing that is your mind simply remembering that in this situation, we used to smoke. It is not a need or a want to smoke - it is thought association and you can change those thoughts by keep responding to yourself that you chose to be free, a non smoker and use NOPE there. Don't undervalue distraction techniques though, having something else to do or simply forcing yourself to do something different if a thought starts to take hold of you are life savers - literally!

 

Believe in yourself and get that response to an SOS written out too.

 

Not in a look at me way but it is seriously great to not be a smoker. I mean I feel so much better of course and I would miss deep breaths and money too much but it's more than that. It made me accept that actually I am pretty strong and can face any issue head on, my self belief has grown immensely and my ways of coping with stress are a hundred times better. It really is worth holding on for.

 

x

Thanks for the hope, marti. You have NO idea how much it helps. I'm back on the train and using cognitive techniques (like: "I'm quit smoking" not "I'm trying to quit". Or "I'm a non-smoker".). It surely has helped today.

 

Xoxo

ETD there are some great sites with some brilliant info.

 

Here there are some absolutely fantastic quitters.

 

Try "Isn't it fantastic that I don't need to smoke any more?"

 

"Wow. I love not stinking!"

 

"I can do ANYTHING" (except stand up to Marti...scary woman! ;) )

Good advice you are getting here Erin.

 

I had a revelation of sorts to launch my quit, it was me dying of smoking, being choked to death, that turned me on to quit.

 

Seeing it on someone else will not do it, it has to happen to you for you to remember, and so I think this is good for you, to have chosen poorly, because you will remember this. To tell you about it you would hear, to show you, you might remember, but to do...that you will not forget. 

 

Language is so important to escape addiction, and if you want to call it a failure to use your cognitive techniques, so be it.

 

Wrap yourself up in whatever it takes to get you through the night, call it what you need to but start thinking about the clean world, and not so much about coping with mechanisms that are built for everyone to use. Build your own out of whatever you want to use, it doesn't have to come from AA or this site and if you can't use it ditch it...what works for some may not work for you.

 

You can beat this, but to do it you don't go buy 4 cigarettes and smoke them and cop to a failure of your tools/weapons. Rebuild your arsenal, you are in a war so get militant please. Anti-smoking and anti-drinking in your postings and the words you speak and what you think to overhaul the lagging cognitive techniques.

 

Please  start celebrating your life by feeding your head in a natural way.

 

Guard your quit!

 

xx

 

Markus

Hey Erin, how's today? x

Good. working on day 2. still need to update my blog. i will be really glad when this state audit is over next week. it's really killing me :)

 

thanks for checking in :)

xoxo

Welcome to our family of quitters. Wow to be free 10 yrs & start up again is sad news. Listen to the advice others have given you & embrace the word NOPE-Not One Puff Ever. It will help keep you cig free.

 

You can beat this, but to do it you don't go buy 4 cigarettes and smoke them and cop to a failure of your tools/weapons. Rebuild your arsenal, you are in a war so get militant please. Anti-smoking and anti-drinking in your postings and the words you speak and what you think to overhaul the lagging cognitive techniques.

 

 

 

So true Markus.  It is a war.

Day 2 is awesome, well done!!  Make sure you are taking your sips of fruit juice if you want to keep the tired grumpy feeling of moving blood sugars under control. It can actually feel similar to a crave so getting rid of some of those is a good thing :)

 

Do audit's usually take so long?  It seems to be ages!