Basically, I took my little laptop and a chair in the bathroom to watch something and pass the time. It's cold. I'm taking care of someone with multiple sclerosis, and I don't know what's going on with them, but it's really freaking me out. Seems to be vertigo and I went and got some dramamine but no word if it's helping. I thought it was something much worse and I'm not a doctor. Like I'm being told to help and "fix it"and I'm like I don't know how to do that. So then they're upset with me because I don't know how. 

So because everything is really "testy"right now, down to I didn't get ready fast enough to go walk in the pouring rain to get the dramamine testy, and every single noise is BAD... and the kids have to be completely quiet (yeah right) I'm sitting in the bathroom to keep the noise down and hide away so said person can get some rest. I don't have a problem taking care of other people feeling sick. It's the psychotic episodes that are draining.

I'm trying to be really strong and just go through the motions but at the same time I don't think I'm one of those people that are strong enough to handle these things and I have such a hard time making things *perfect*. I can't. There's 7 pets and there's two kids and I don't know how to keep everything in perfect condition.

This is the best place I can be to keep it quiet and I don't know what to do. I am so tired. This doesn't really have a point I just really, really needed to get it off my chest and tell someone because NOBODY in my life knows. 

Note:  It has never developed this badly before so this is a new experience for me. 

Edited January 1, 20215 yr by Fluffyyellowduck

Ugh, some people you just can't please so go easy on yourself. Maybe a call to the Dr. of the person with MS would help you guys figure out the best plan of action. They also have the virtual Drs. since the pandemic so you may want to see if their insurance offers that. Most do right now.

Anyway, you're really doing great. Five days quit already is really something to be proud of. And by all means, continue to vent. It really helps it lose its strength once its out in writing 🤗

@Fluffyyellowduck caregiving is very emotionally draining.  I took care of my elderly parents and no matter how much you cared, it was not good enough.  Sometimes, you have to step back for your own health and sanity.  

Thanks, jillar! Last time person's prescriptions ran out they wanted to wait an entire week to schedule a 5 minute appointment over the phone because of the pandemic. (Previous doctor left.) Then it took another week and a half to get the prescription filled. Those were very, very important prescriptions.  I'm half wondering if all their stalling messed up their tolerance to the medication. I actually wanted them to go to the ER but they were adamant about not going so I'm keeping my mouth shut. If you can't win, you can't win! 

I'm also tired. Cause you get why they're angry and you understand this is horrible suffering, but at the same time it's like you're having a hard time too having to keep everything together, but you can't really complain about it ... because that would be bad, and it's like ... what is the proper emotional reaction i'm supposed to be having here?

 

i am already painfully aware that i am not cut out for this and have to do it anyway

Edited January 1, 20215 yr by Fluffyyellowduck

All caregivers get frustrated and tired so quit being so hard on yourself. Plus you're in your first week of quitting so emotions are running higher than normal right now too so try and cut yourself some slack...

2 minutes ago, jillar said:

All caregivers get frustrated and tired so quit being so hard on yourself. Plus you're in your first week of quitting so emotions are running higher than normal right now too so try and cut yourself some slack...

that is very true and I didn't think about that. Thank you ❤️ 

@Fluffyyellowduck you are really stronger than you think.  You are quitting smoking during a pandemic.  How tough is that?  You might try setting some ground rules the next time you are asked to help.  

Fluffy...

Caring for another person full on ....is so draining ....

Been there and done it ....

The best advice I was given was ...to look after myself first and foremost ....my health had to come first ..

Sometimes we have to let go of the hand of the person who will make us both fall ....

You can only do your best ....that's all any person can do ....

Your are amazing ....your looking after everyone ....not everyone could do that 

Hugs ❤