Sonic

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A woman was nagging her husband to cut the grass, to which the husband answered "What do I look like to you? A landscaper?!" Next time the sink was dripping, she asked him again, "Honey, can you fix the faucet?" The husband replied, "What do I look like to you? A Plumber?!" Two days later, a light bulb went out and she begged him again, "Honey, can you change the light bulb?" His reply was, "What am I? An electrician?!" A few days later, the husband comes home from work to find that the lawn is cut, the faucet is fixed, the light bulb is changed. Very surprised, he says, "Honey, what happened here?" The wife replies, "You know our new next door neighbor? He came over and fixed everything." The husband says, "Honey, how did you pay him?!" "Oh, you know," the wife says, "he told me that I could either bake him a cake or have sex with him." Somewhat relieved the husband asks, "Whew, so what kind of a cake did you bake for him?" The wife replies, "Who do you think I am? Betty Crocker?!"

Bakon and his wife are sitting and watching a boxing match on television. Bakon sighs and complains, “This is disappointing. It only lasted for 30 seconds!” “Good,” replied his wife. “Now you know how I always feel.”

A man asks his wife, "What would you do if I won the lottery?" His wife says, "Take half and leave your ass!" The man replies, "Great! I won 12 bucks, here is six, now get out!"

Boo's comes home from her doctor's appointment grinning from ear to ear. Boo asks, "Why are you so happy?" His wife says, "The doctor told me that for a forty-five year old woman, I have the breasts of a eighteen year old." "Oh yeah?" quipped Boo, "What did he say about your forty-five year old ass?" She said, "Your name never came up in the conversation."

For the Yinz

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19

That's not what I heard lmao 19

It basically means that a person's intelligence and common sense are evidenced by the person's actions, and not by the person's looks. In other words, a stupid person is a person who does stupid things.

19 Go away Mammy, the sticks have taken over :)

19 Bring it home

You and Boo look nice

17

How do you embarrass an archaeologist? Show him a used tampon and ask, "What period is this from?"

"Give it to me! Give it to me!" Mammy yelled, "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted to.I was keeping the umbrella.

PMS jokes aren't funny. Period.

I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.

Dear NASA, Your mom thought I was big enough. Pluto