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Marti's Blog

A blog by Still winning in General

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Entries in this blog

7 Months - in a few minutes...

It still makes me smile. I posted up, on a site about 7/8 sites down from the top result as I'd already signed on to all the prior ones in my million quit attempts!! Never posted mind, and couldn't be bothered to try and remember the password! Found a new one, had no idea why as had not planned to do anything but I read a bit and posted! I posted of my intention to quit the following day (had no clue if I could or couldn't actually lol), that I lived with smokers who smoked in my house...it was

Almost 7 months

This has been a tough week. It's tuesday! That probably says a lot. And my weird will be in this blog, if it offends please see "ra ra" type posts in the main arena!   I don't understand why I think of smoking when things become tricky. Although it has been my "go to" for my whole adult life, I started to smoke at 13. I had my first at age 9 - the age my oldest daughter is now!! She's a baby!! I can't believe no one noticed me, and yet if you met those I "care for" you'd understand the self ob

6000 cigs not smokedand still counting

6054 unsmoked cigarettes when I just posted something. That's just a save on so many levels!!   There are a lot of new quitters I'm reading and some great advice being given. Wish I had of followed any of it haha. Claw through quitter, take a bow :) Many a mental moment, throwing my hands skywards and saying for Milly and I. The nope shuffle, switch from foot to foot literally saying nope nope nope. Should of taken shares in cough sweets and nobbys nut for sure...utter miss in planning :)  

6 months and a little bit

Shhh, I feel ok *looks left and right for the easy peasy crew* haha. I don't smoke, 6 other people don't smoke now because I showed it could be done. Of course they were considering it anyway, isn't every smoker considering quitting. Where I am today is where I could only dream of being before and I fully respect that and hold onto it.   Things have really been getting to me lately. I have felt massively overwhelmed, as such some of my posts might have seemed a bit sad, that's life tho. I won

6 month thoughts

This is what I posted for how I felt and feel, copied and pasted to my blog for once. - Don't put anything in your mouth and set it on fire! Actually, when someone put it like that it sounded like a pretty stupid plan anyway :) - Smoking is not on the table. Shortened to SNOT, thank goodness, my memory is shot from kids, I can remember short words! - NOPE - yep, like SNOT. Going with the KISS philosophy (keep it simple stupid) - One puff away from a pack a day There were so many reasons

Almost 6 months

I hold on to my quit being a fantastic thing. It instills strength, pride, worth to me. I love how I feel, this freedom. Even the occasional time it feels "tricky" I know I'm ok, weirdly I "trust me" nowadays. When life feels a bit hard, I often wonder is it due to the quit - the truth is honestly no and it hasn't been for some time. Non smokers have bad times and rarely anymore is it about not smoking.   The "problem" seems to be people still think I am the person I was. The smoker, who acce

Found my day 1 poem

I keep a journal and I was just browsing for day 1 thoughts and feelings as someone asked for ideas and found the poem/motivational writing I made myself to read by candlelight looking for additional strength, I sat and wrote it the first evening. I will never forget how I felt, a mixture of emotions both sad for what I thought I was giving up and how would I cope and utter exhileration that I might actually make it.   Manic, Panic, I can't breath! Raging, pacing, Inside I seeth. Smilin

Wallow time completed.

Not my style, not my way but I think I just done wallowed the last two weeks of my life away? Sad, unhappy, over thinking, questioning myself, my life, my parenting - but not my quit. I love that bit by the way, even when life feels like it utterly sucks balls for no apparent reason my quit is still in the "oh yeah, doin it" section. August was the most abhorent, scary emotional month I have seen in some time. I am utterly jaded but re grouping.   I am brutalized I was too unwell to complete

Got no mates!

Another quitter today has raised the "drop off rates". Wow they are pretty high!! Now there is a person on the board with my time, but only one. This time is a bit strange to be honest. 4 months was lovely, no craves, all peace. 5 months is reminding me, hey you used to smoke...hey you, you smoked you know....hey hey, can you hear me and so it goes. Now of course it's good, it's me. I have traced back and found the triggers and will work on them and my quit is safe.   So where's me mates at?

What's going on?

It's all a bit hairy in the wonderful world at the moment. At the risk of "engaging my weird", I know the energy is off kilter at the moment and everyone's feeling pretty insecure, I guess I'm no exception.   Quitting: Well that's two who have fallen off that I have cried real hard tears for. I panicked, what if that was me later?? My advice upon more tears from my fella was "you really must stop getting SO involved with everybody". My quit buddy's advice was I'm an "unhinged psycho and my qu

Singing and smoking list

When I gave up somewhere I got the idea to write a list of why I didn't want to do the smoking thing anymore. I added more and more of course, as we quit new benefits and logics come to you. Anyway, orginal list:   -Broke my word to Milly TWICE saying I would quit and didn't -I want to sing along to my songs I like -My cough -Mums health scares me -Want to go out sometimes (money) -Can't afford clothes and shoes which I need. -Florida trip, going nowhere! -£300 a month?!? -Outside smok

5 beautiful months

My quit still will always me happy. I put it on a pedestal with other amazing things I've done. I think I value it so highly because I understand my quit was an addict literally fighting for a life! I see all day every day the effects of smoking related illness and one can only be an emu for so long.   I knew I needed help. I am pretty tough :) I have been through some situations which I am lucky enough grew me into a spiritual and warrior type of force. Do not misunderstand that, I am incredi

Been a while

Not updated as not much to report to be honest.   I'm almost 5 months, as it's the 2nd I know that's in 10 days, but mostly I don't really remember how long it's been since I quit. That feels massively ironic as at stages there I was counting in minutes, at a push days. Months seemed totally unrealistic and I smile to think back.   It turns out 4 is my new magic number. Since the actual day I turned 4 months quit I have honestly felt great! That particular day was a dark one on the emotiona

My mum has a 1 month quit

She forgot the date, she has done none of what I did or had any support - just cracked on after 50 odd years and didn't smoke. She's been quitting forever, far longer than I was trying for.   She is still cranky as all hell but she is also feeling unwell. The quit was prompted by a heart scare which can now add to the copd as a lifelong condition, caused by smoking and it was the trigger she needed to just stop there and then. She used a patch for 2 weeks then ditched that too.   We bitch a

I don't have the answers but I do have 4 months :)

My quit makes me proud. I do believe anyone can quit and that every quit will be different. I believe if you educate yourself enough about the harm smoking causes you will find it tougher to do that to yourself again. I believe that smoking and craving 20, 30, 60 times a day is honestly harder than saying no more, not today and getting past the points where it feels hard.   For all the tough days whilst quitting and finding my new personality post being a smoker, what sticks with me is I did i

4 months!

On my 4 month landmark I felt like my life was falling apart. It was the day I realized my family is not on my side, and merely relations.   It was also the first day that smoking did not enter my mind - at all - all day. 4 month plus one day made up for it with craves lol, all ok now. It's a choice rather than a gut clenching moment nowadays.   I don't know what to do about those in my life who feel fear, or upset for who I am but I do know nothing can make me smoke again.   I have atten

Don't smoke - I will find you :)

Boom and by the gods, got another one sucked in!! My Giles quits tomorrow with a brilliant mindset of - Mart, if you've got it, then so can I! I LOVE this inspiring stuff!! Even if this doesn't take, he is thinking, and seeing it's do-able and I am somehow managing to enable that, simply by quitting!!   And his twin brother is part of my soul group, so if I can suck Giles in, maybe I can suck my Elliott into quitting. By the way some people think soul mates are the bird/bloke they happen

I think it just got easier again

Sometimes, when you least expect it, this quitting malarky ramps itself up a gear.   I was soo upset and angry earlier in the week. I knew I wouldn't smoke, I did think about it read my own answer to an sos (which it wasn't but precautionary). It suddenly felt like an answer from another lifetime. I have cigs in the house, have the whole quit though so not new or a plan, and I thought "I wish it would help, I know it won't, sigh". And just carried on being upset.   Like a non smoker!!   Ha

My Mum finally quit!!

Ok, so it took an admission through A&E and two ambulance calls, a cist on the kidney and a damaged and over beating heart whilst literally filling up with fluid at 66 years old.... (and breath) ....but she quit.   She will never read this cause "forums aren't her thing, all those do gooders patting each other on the back" apparently?! But still a one week, bootstrap quit. Just cracked on, some whinging but too scared to smoke anymore.   I am still worried but sooo relieved she is at l

3 months and a few days

Goodness my brain has been busy!! It's so different now, the thinking, much easier but still conflicting.   I know for sure I will not smoke, no matter what. 3 Reasons for this. 1 I want to be a non smoker 2 I simply cannot do that withdrawal again, never in all my days would I have called myself an addict, until I realized I was an addict. 3 My fear of smoking now far outweighs my fear of quitting and the random thought neurons I still possess. Reading that back I still run by fear rather

Almost 3 months

I feel like I ought to sing a rendition of Elton John's "I'm still standing" and I smile at this. I had so many failures with quits I'm not sure I've fully taken in that I don't smoke. Yet I have, I KNOW and have known for sometime, truth to tell, that I'm done, no more smoking.   I'm not sure of the point of this blog?? lol. So me, I start writing with no idea of the end game. I wish I was one of those together people who always had a plan :)   It's my magic number coming up next though. I'

Time standing still?

I know it's not possible of course but it all feels a bit samey at the moment, it feels like time isn't really passing. I just put in June celebrations to the calender, or started too. Put in it will be 3 months for me next month and thought "Jeez, is that all"! I guess this can be taken in a good way. I look at the progress I've made, the limited triggers I now get and that's at 2 months and some but it feels weird and out of whack, like it should be longer, not sure why.   I also look ho

Smoking dreams

Normally in my dream I say no to smoking. Last night I didn't see me smoke it but I put one smoked all the way through out in an ashtray for my sister to say at that point, hey I thought you gave up. I looked at her and looked at the fag butt and started crying as I hadn't meant to smoke.... woke myself up actually crying.   Our brains are crazy things and I did calm when I realized it wasn't real.   Intense way of reminding myself I do not want to be a smoker and relapse would devastate

No wonder!

I'm up and down like a yoyo. The energy is off the scale and I've been to caught up to even look what's going on. You know the problem with quitting smoking...you think everything is about not smoking!! How frikkin annoying that my life has been entering a place that feels much like the toilet, when part of whatI do is understanding how energy influences us - and I missed it. Utter divvy!   First time I've written on my web page since I quit :) I may be more emotional minus cigs but I cont

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