I feel like I ought to sing a rendition of Elton John's "I'm still standing" and I smile at this. I had so many failures with quits I'm not sure I've fully taken in that I don't smoke. Yet I have, I KNOW and have known for sometime, truth to tell, that I'm done, no more smoking.

I'm not sure of the point of this blog?? lol. So me, I start writing with no idea of the end game. I wish I was one of those together people who always had a plan :)

It's my magic number coming up next though. I'm approaching 3 months. Now the 3's have not worked in my favour to date. It confuses me. At 3 days I stood shaking and sobbing staring out a packet of cigs, I genuinely laughnow but at the time it was dreadful! I danced through two weeks wondering what the drama was, only to get slapped down like biatch at 3 weeks. Idon't think my kitchen floor has ever been so clean as it was on week 3!! Yikes!! But 3 is my lucky number, it's my elusive winning number in the grand scheme of life - but yeah, I hear it's a right old bad time in quits.

Ah whatever, I say bring your worst, I have faced the worst time and time again. If I ever doubt that I only have to walk to the next room in my house and listen to COPD and know, smoking did that. God, what if my girls smoked cause I'd set a precedent that it was ok!! No way, not now not ever.

Today is a good day, I can cope. But even at my weakest I won't smoke, I won't let me - you guys won't let me. I commit myself to a year to this board, I do it on my own blog. I will pay it forward, I will accept the journey feels awesome and troubling, I will not smoke. I still believe we all deserve more.