9 month thoughts

It was simply time. I had run out of excuses as to why I couldn't. Tried being every type of smoker and relapsed at a rate that would scare you silly. Every single person in my life wanted me to quit. Some to help them quit too, most because they worried for me. I would smoke 30-40 per day, indoors or out socialising. Every day! My quit is a bit of a non entity to me now. I almost think that can be a bit sad, so I make sure I celebrate myself so I never forget what was for me, a battle that I continue to win. New hairdo for me later today :)

I never forget - My chest hurt, I was often ill with the kids, bugs from school and such. My cough was terrifying, but not to me then. I couldn't really laugh too much, it made me cough. I simply can't believe that I accepted all of that and didn't fight sooner? I still worry about my previous world record of quitting smoking at 364 days when I relapsed through emotional drama. Jeez, what a numpty!

Now, I miss having a crutch. Yes it was smoking, but by my choice, not any more. I work out a lot and I am still learning new things daily and planning more training. I would have laughed at you even 6 months ago if you told me the way I would manage my stress and mood levels would be yoga or pilates...yet I do them most days now and do genuinely benefit!! I can see me having an alternatively type of career that I would not have had the confidence for, but I am perhaps not as close as I hoped I was ...but that's ok, I trust I can get there, when it's the right time :)

So 9 months for me is more an ongoing journey of self discovery but it isn't the crave/trigger infested times of days gone by and I am forever greatful that ended and I was able to trust other folks here that there was a light at the end of the tunnel. I won't lie, thoughts do pop in my head, sometimes they feel like they "take hold" a little and I need support to get them gone - but I have that support, so I'm pretty lucky. Health wise, I feel good overall. I am in good health and recover from every illness quicker, but that took me 4/5 months to get too - so I am noticing it now. I am much stronger, faster and far more emotionally resiliant too. I grew in ways I never could have anticipated.

Now I am just going to continue with my vigilance and try and simplify more of my life. I really want a peaceful life, as much as I can and thanks to my quit I feel justified to pursue things that make me feel good.