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Marti's Blog

A blog by Still winning in General

  • Entries

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Entries in this blog

No wonder!

I'm up and down like a yoyo. The energy is off the scale and I've been to caught up to even look what's going on. You know the problem with quitting smoking...you think everything is about not smoking!! How frikkin annoying that my life has been entering a place that feels much like the toilet, when part of whatI do is understanding how energy influences us - and I missed it. Utter divvy!   First time I've written on my web page since I quit :) I may be more emotional minus cigs but I cont

I don't have the answers but I do have 4 months :)

My quit makes me proud. I do believe anyone can quit and that every quit will be different. I believe if you educate yourself enough about the harm smoking causes you will find it tougher to do that to yourself again. I believe that smoking and craving 20, 30, 60 times a day is honestly harder than saying no more, not today and getting past the points where it feels hard.   For all the tough days whilst quitting and finding my new personality post being a smoker, what sticks with me is I did i

Feel good/ Endorphins

Is it exercise? Or the weight loss this week? Or the conversations? Or just time? Or that mad ass crave where I lost my emotional load last week?   I feel ok, like someone released my happy valve to just be ok again. I'm even planning on some intention work next week which I haven't been clear enough really to do since before I quit, my concentration was too sketchy. Scheduled in exercise, practice runs of things I want to do, that's massive for me!! I could do it now I think but don't want

Exercise?

Still feeling lethargic, not sleeping well due to stress. Perhaps exercise is the answer. It's not like I'm not getting a tad porky now anyway and I could probably use the help. No more excuses, the housework can wait...death and i have an early appointment this morning. I will feel positive and energised one way or another.

Nearly 2 months

My emotions are still up and down like a yo yo. I have smoked since I was 13 years old. My first cigarette was age 9! I am now 38, never in all my adult years have I "coped" as a non smoker. I did quit for 364 days, but I was massively protected in that time and the first real drama, I smoked again. So I will forgive myself that sometimes I don't know how to/who to be?   I feel like a child sometimes! I am now learning how to deal with my emotions. Ironically, I am teaching my 8 and 4 year ol

Silly and selfish

I don't even know where I am - around 6 weeks quit? Anyway my quit is secure, I am solidly behind the I don't want to smoke.   So why do I still wobble emotionally?? I am gutted that two people I cared for fell off the wagon, it's so not my business!! I am gutted my mum keeps cheating, it's not my business!! When did I turn into a busybody?? It's laughable, it is the opposite of who I am. These emotions are "not me", I stay calm and in control. I look after everyone and cope...but wow, some da

Smoking dreams

Normally in my dream I say no to smoking. Last night I didn't see me smoke it but I put one smoked all the way through out in an ashtray for my sister to say at that point, hey I thought you gave up. I looked at her and looked at the fag butt and started crying as I hadn't meant to smoke.... woke myself up actually crying.   Our brains are crazy things and I did calm when I realized it wasn't real.   Intense way of reminding myself I do not want to be a smoker and relapse would devastate

Isn't it strange

I am 8 months and some change quit. I have a vigilant, supported, hard fought for quit and I genuinely love being a non smoker. I'm not just saying it. I have no desire to be a smoker ever again, I will not be chained, I will not be sick by choice apart from anything I've already done.   I was on holiday, holiday triggers, yep! Got it, fought it!! Screw that, no way. I understand, it's a situation I haven't faced before. I've seen it at parties, in gatherings. When we meet with friends. All d

4 months!

On my 4 month landmark I felt like my life was falling apart. It was the day I realized my family is not on my side, and merely relations.   It was also the first day that smoking did not enter my mind - at all - all day. 4 month plus one day made up for it with craves lol, all ok now. It's a choice rather than a gut clenching moment nowadays.   I don't know what to do about those in my life who feel fear, or upset for who I am but I do know nothing can make me smoke again.   I have atten

Annoying me

2 months, let's celebrate...or get annoyed?! I have just sworn an awful lot on a curse thread, I feel justified...I wonder whether I am.   Simply put I think everyone is being an idiot right about now. I am assured by my sister, I am as bad...I can't see it. Which is nice actually, I like to be right and I really think it's all of them. Blinking emotions are being somewhat tricky again but it's probably ok, I can't decide whose lights I would punch out first anyway - and of course I realize t

post from 3rd feb on 10K almost not smoked

Tonight won't be "the night" but as close as I can get without kids I think!! 10,000 cigarettes is close. That's utterly mental. 10,000!! I honestly doubted whether "I" could quit. I mean I really thought I was one of those lifers... people told me I was that smoker. Everyone was stunned when I quit. No massive surprise, I could do 2 or 3 packets per day, depending on home or out. My biggest surprise is that I feel good to have it done now. Yes I asked the "how long will I feel like this

Obsessing and fitness

I have quit now some amount over 7 weeks, how funny, I no longer really remember, I just know it's that long as I had to count a while ago to post a question. I like this board and it's support so I will continue to use it and pay it forwards too but I think somehow I subbed smoking for posting? Bit more balance required is all i think.   I have added exercise this week and must admit it feels quite good. Wish I had of listened and done this earlier. You don't crave at all when you are actuall

The exercise plan continues

I have found some nice chirpy lady on fitness tv who does yoga and says ass a lot. She's pretty real, I like her honesty, yes thank you my lovely, if I am working I want it to count, especially in the region you propose needs fixing. I'm not beyond asking for assistance and believe you when you say this will work. So Monday mornings are sorted.   Having eliminated belly dancing, walking, running, bike riding and sex for various reasons, I have today discovered beach body. I mean I don't have a

Mixed bag of a week

I spent the weekend walking and pub crawling. Kept meeting up with smoking friends and would think awww for a second, then remember everything that comes with it and I was ok again. Strange sensations. Done a lot more exercise then I've done in years over the week, didn't ache so don't think I'm doing enough but pleased my fitness level is still ok to not ache and ready to ramp it up this week. So that's all good. Fella had that whole body crave thing on Sat night, wow that's horrendous to watch

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