I don't even know where I am - around 6 weeks quit? Anyway my quit is secure, I am solidly behind the I don't want to smoke.

So why do I still wobble emotionally?? I am gutted that two people I cared for fell off the wagon, it's so not my business!! I am gutted my mum keeps cheating, it's not my business!! When did I turn into a busybody?? It's laughable, it is the opposite of who I am. These emotions are "not me", I stay calm and in control. I look after everyone and cope...but wow, some days like yesterday I don't! I even used the C word, that's shocking, I can make a sailor blush for sure but that's my limit...but yesterday no... I really don't understand? I won't smoke but I do wonder where this re-adjustment is taking me. I feel very alone, even though I'm not and like there's a battle coming, I've felt like that for a while in myself...but then I don't know if that's to do with who I am personally or to do with the quit?

All I know is this, I've been quitting for about 14 years, I make a few hours or smoked like 10 in a day and felt a win?! Then I went on a healing course (have hadthem before) and knew it would be massive before I went, I actually cleared the decks and put it down to my weird and alternative ways needing the space. All of my coping techniques were taken and then I was forced to quit smoking! I get my way isn't for most people but I believe in more, intuition or greater energy etc and I am led to what needs to be done, but this time it's me! I feel a bit out of my depth but I won't smoke so I guess that's ok? Who knows. Mad ramblings of a proper crazy bird. Meh, wish I was a normal non smoker who wasn't looking for the greater purpose all the time and could just be chuffed that they weren't bloody smoking.

Yeah that's definately the blog rather than board moment lol. It's out now though so that's good and I feel better! Maybe it will make sense another day, can't have everything can you.