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Marti's Blog

A blog by Still winning in General

  • Entries

    68

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    151

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    57918

Entries in this blog

Annoying me

2 months, let's celebrate...or get annoyed?! I have just sworn an awful lot on a curse thread, I feel justified...I wonder whether I am.   Simply put I think everyone is being an idiot right about now. I am assured by my sister, I am as bad...I can't see it. Which is nice actually, I like to be right and I really think it's all of them. Blinking emotions are being somewhat tricky again but it's probably ok, I can't decide whose lights I would punch out first anyway - and of course I realize t

Arguments!

Argument today, with my Mum. Waited for the trigger and it didn't happen!! I wondered if I would think about smoking .. actually what I thought is smoking won't help at all here and genuinely meant it.   Broke a trigger!!!   Sadly this just means there are too many arguments around me all the time :( but still chuffed this is not a trigger now.

Nearly 2 months

My emotions are still up and down like a yo yo. I have smoked since I was 13 years old. My first cigarette was age 9! I am now 38, never in all my adult years have I "coped" as a non smoker. I did quit for 364 days, but I was massively protected in that time and the first real drama, I smoked again. So I will forgive myself that sometimes I don't know how to/who to be?   I feel like a child sometimes! I am now learning how to deal with my emotions. Ironically, I am teaching my 8 and 4 year ol

Mixed bag of a week

I spent the weekend walking and pub crawling. Kept meeting up with smoking friends and would think awww for a second, then remember everything that comes with it and I was ok again. Strange sensations. Done a lot more exercise then I've done in years over the week, didn't ache so don't think I'm doing enough but pleased my fitness level is still ok to not ache and ready to ramp it up this week. So that's all good. Fella had that whole body crave thing on Sat night, wow that's horrendous to watch

Obsessing and fitness

I have quit now some amount over 7 weeks, how funny, I no longer really remember, I just know it's that long as I had to count a while ago to post a question. I like this board and it's support so I will continue to use it and pay it forwards too but I think somehow I subbed smoking for posting? Bit more balance required is all i think.   I have added exercise this week and must admit it feels quite good. Wish I had of listened and done this earlier. You don't crave at all when you are actuall

Feel good/ Endorphins

Is it exercise? Or the weight loss this week? Or the conversations? Or just time? Or that mad ass crave where I lost my emotional load last week?   I feel ok, like someone released my happy valve to just be ok again. I'm even planning on some intention work next week which I haven't been clear enough really to do since before I quit, my concentration was too sketchy. Scheduled in exercise, practice runs of things I want to do, that's massive for me!! I could do it now I think but don't want

The exercise plan continues

I have found some nice chirpy lady on fitness tv who does yoga and says ass a lot. She's pretty real, I like her honesty, yes thank you my lovely, if I am working I want it to count, especially in the region you propose needs fixing. I'm not beyond asking for assistance and believe you when you say this will work. So Monday mornings are sorted.   Having eliminated belly dancing, walking, running, bike riding and sex for various reasons, I have today discovered beach body. I mean I don't have a

My mojo is back!!

I am a quit buddy whore, I have two cause I'm greedy like that. Just my new one talking about getting back on the train has reminded me I always wanted this. My older and yet strangely skirted (for a fella) and experienced one has reminded me all the way through that I have had this since day 1. I don't know as if I forgot that per se, I think I was safe...but I forgot the severity with which I wanted this freedom. Talking someone else through it and actually my beloved cousin asking me about i

Exercise?

Still feeling lethargic, not sleeping well due to stress. Perhaps exercise is the answer. It's not like I'm not getting a tad porky now anyway and I could probably use the help. No more excuses, the housework can wait...death and i have an early appointment this morning. I will feel positive and energised one way or another.

Weebles wobble but they don't fall down..

I want to be all light and airy and supportive on this board. But I don't have that in me right now. Right now real life is not playing ball, or maybe I really am nuts and causing drama in my own life. I can't face anymore arguing, even if I say I don't want to talk, I can't seem to shut my mother up at the moment. She is sniping and shouting and carrying on like quite frankly a child...although that's insulting to kids, cause my kids behave better! Her non quit is doing my frikkin head in, I'd

Emotional overload

Tough emotional week, like gritty tough. Living on my nerves but wasn't really concerned about my quit which felt safe and of course, is still safe. My kids are away for the weekend so I can relax and maybe I just drunk too much? Mum lit up in front of me, a conversation went horribly wrong with Chris, then from nowhere - massive crave! Like huge crave, what the hell, where from?! Before I know it I'm out of bed and hunting the house for cigarettes...jeez, really have no idea! I got to the poin

I could smoke, but I don't smoke and repeat

I am at no risk of smoking still, that's good but I am bored senseless of this inane internal drivel, could smoke/don't smoke, that goes through my head every day. I don't even know how I would explain it but I still have the same thoughts of times when I would smoke. For sure they are less frequent then they were. For definate they are not the gut wrenching craves of days gone by and haven't been for a long time. Just like a fly really that keeps buzzing around you and getting right on your las

Silly and selfish

I don't even know where I am - around 6 weeks quit? Anyway my quit is secure, I am solidly behind the I don't want to smoke.   So why do I still wobble emotionally?? I am gutted that two people I cared for fell off the wagon, it's so not my business!! I am gutted my mum keeps cheating, it's not my business!! When did I turn into a busybody?? It's laughable, it is the opposite of who I am. These emotions are "not me", I stay calm and in control. I look after everyone and cope...but wow, some da

11th March to 18th April

My champix is taken and my quit date set, I have literally tried all other options and this is my last one. However my partner and mother both smoke. My Mum is disabled and has copd so can't actually get outside to smoke. It's not an excuse because I will no longer let it be but I failed previously because there are always going to be cigs around the house, that's not changing for now so I must have a better plan....but if I quit, maybe they will too?? Either way I would appreciate any tips,

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