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Not really adding anything new here but still gunna chuck in me two bobs worth....so @Paul723 gave you the science....those nicotine receptors are going bat shit crazy as you starve them and turn them off one by one...they are in panic mode....and in the past when you are stressed or scared you smoked...so the little buggers push the shit out of those buttons. There were a whole slew of things I thought I'd dealt with as a kid that resurfaced when I quit .. things I thought were resolved bubbled to the surface...the way I looked at for me it was all about control and I couldn't control my childhood or change the past what I could control was smoking...I was in charge of that...I controlled that...and I kinda liked being the fat controller.....but it boils down to two things said already... (Paraphrased) As @Lilly said YOU ARE WORTH IT...and @Linda Thomas said we are here for you. You aren't alone, you are safe, and I can guarantee at least one other member here has walked in your shoes. As you grow you your freedom you level up to the next version of yourself...still the same but stronger and with smoke free super powers.

Vivian, I have dealt with very abusive parents in my lifetime and over the last three years I have been taking care of them because they are old and have failing health. I was so beat down and very depressed. I then found this forum and started to quit smoking. As I posted SOS's and my feelings, many people here noted that I was dealing with abuse. They encouraged me and made sure I knew that I was gaining power with my quit. It is now a year later and I have walked away from the burden and feel so powerful and in control of my life. Yes the addiction is going to try and play on these emotions but you need to realize how strong you are. I have been so impressed with the way you are pushing through your quit. I promise that as you keep powering through, you will become so strong. You are an awesome woman and your new relationship sounds wonderful. I know you are going to have a happy smoke free life!