12 days to go

Till one year.

Going to bring myself back up now. Can't be sad for long...got a treat to plan no idea what still?

As I come towards this mark in time I can't help but remember where I was a year ago today.

With 12 days till the quit I had already tried patches and been allergic, so by now a year ago I was taking champix, desperate for that "moment" when I knew I could quit. It made me feel so sick, the dreams were mental, I felt like I was beginning to suffer some depression...I knew I would follow it through waiting for that elusive quit...it must be somewhere right. I had done a healing course, I knew it was time. I just honestly had no idea how it actually worked...how did one simply not smoke again? I'd been relapsing since the previous July, quit, fail, quit smoke. It had been a joke.

What made the difference 11 days on is finding a tribe to support me. The strange thing is I went in hard with the supporting others, day 2, I gave every sad story to help others and knew I'd found my feet in a quit and my place in a support circle. Probably the first time if I'm honest, that I'd ever actually allowed anybody to support me. I am massively independant and self sufficient. It felt odd to be so confused and weak but good to know others would hold me up when I needed and virtual hi five every ok day and celebration.

It's why the celebrations are so big to me.

So 12 sleeps to go until my 1 year celebration.