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OregonGirl

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  1. I started smoking at age 47! Stupid. I'm 49 now. My parents both smoked when I was a kid, quit when I was around 16. As an adult I never smoked cigarettes, although a few years ago my partner and I would sometimes enjoy a cigar. It wasn't ever anything I craved, or did often (one or two a month). My Mom died of lung cancer 4 years ago -- many years after she quit smoking. (I know not all lung cancer is not smoking related.) Then I started dating someone who smoked cloves (Djarum Blacks). First I'd just have a few on the one or two nights we'd see one another. Always his. Then I would have some when we went out and others were smoking. Then I bought my own and would smoke one when we were on the phone. And then... Fast forward to now, and when left to my own devices I will smoke at least a pack a day. I've been known to smoke two. I know these are worse than regular cigarettes (more nicotine, tar, other elements). And when I look at HOW MUCH TIME I spend doing this, it's ridiculous. I sit and flip through Facebook or TikToc for HOURS while I smoke, often just chain smoking when by myself. This is not the life I want. What am I doing to myself, and why!? My god. The odd thing is... I can go a day without and not feel bad. I can go a few days without if we are traveling and I'm around non smokers. I don't sneak out, I don't obsess about having one... and at home if I can distract myself, I can do without. Until I can't. And then it's one after the other after the other... God, I wish I'd never bought that first pack of my own. I wish I had one or two a weekend and it wasn't a thing. I've got to stop. And I'm terrified I can't.

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QuitTrain®, a quit smoking support community, was created by former smokers who have a deep desire to help people quit smoking and to help keep those quits intact.  This place should be a safe haven to escape the daily grind and focus on protecting our quits.  We don't believe that there is a "one size fits all" approach when it comes to quitting smoking.  Each of us has our own unique set of circumstances which contributes to how we go about quitting and more importantly, how we keep our quits.

 

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