4 May

Thought about smoking, in a non-urgent barely considering it a smokey thought, for the first time today about 5 minutes ago.

I am amazed, grateful, proud? (ooo, don't say that, not pride....), still hesitant to have faith and LIVING smoke free none the less.

Had someone told me 2 months ago that I would have this experience in the next two moths I would have negated their reality with no hesitation. Denied the possibility with every fiber of my self knowing. Hardly ever have I been this grateful to have been potentially wrong.

I am a nonsmoker.

Feel like there needs to be some shoring up , some preparing for some unknown future where I will want to smoke and will give my power away, again. Really want to keep this quit for the rest of this life.

I think about the things I have read on this site.

The crave or smokey thought only has the power we give it. ~ this is s tough one for me...

NOPE ~ this is an easy one for me. I am an addict. Nicotine is a drug. Lighting up is the choice of addiction and killing myself one breath at a time.

Meanwhile, I am enjoying spring.

Looking forward to my mom coming back from Arizona and concerned about her traveling.

Still need to make a plan for dentist. Been utilizing vitamin I (what we call ibuprofen in our house) way more than I want to...and grateful for the management of pain.

Playing around with gardening and painting and exercising....play is good for my brain and spirits.

Hoping as things evolve in the next few seasons there will be work for me (I part time teach, but not in permanent position) doing something fun and creative.

Hoping if you are reading this you are having a day filled with smiles and wonder.

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