29 march

went to sleep last night feeling like I would get up today and go get cigarettes. woke with the same feeling.     still on the train.  almost late afternoon.

playing the mind games outsmarting myself....

you know you smoke...     yeah, but it's mom's birthday and she is so happy you quit.   you can smoke tomorrow....      nope     nope   nope      think again, get right with yourself, call an ally. post an sos    Do it!!!

sister's life derailing amidst the now normal pandemonium and I am not there to support her.    though being in the smoker's zone would be suicide for me and my quit right now.   still wish I could hold her and hug her and walk with her while her heart breaks and begins to heal.  arrghhh...

grateful for ...

BEing FREE from nicotine slavery - extra heaping portion of gratitude for Quit Train & the conductors, riders and engineers

relationships that are there ... through all the trials, abuses, healing, growth...loving in the ways we know, where we are

learning and choices in/of love and light

time spent with those dear to my heart ... and the memories of those times

humor and lightness of heart

healthcare professionals and their willingness to show up and do what needs doing....holding hands, pallitive care, BEing WITH people, and thinking outside the boxes to create something from nothing

geese returning, sand hill cranes, too and the spring song of the cardinals ... found my copy of  A Sand County Almanac by Aldo Leopold and renewed my joy of this treasure

belief that things , people,  and beliefs are changeable

cognitive, physical and spiritual functioning ... at least I think they're functioning, I could be off on this

my marvelous man... steady and true...all I could ever desire...thank you

I hope I dance