22 March

Faking my way through the NOPE pledge this morning.

Not even 5:30 a.m. and I am just winding down from tilt mode.....CRAVING firmly attached to tilt mode.

staring at screen feeling heart race and listening to head race        looking for good excuse,   ha ha ha   ANY excuse is the good one when you choose to pick up.

NOPE  NOPE   NOPE

going to eat..  then  ...       

Most of the day later....

Glad things calmed down in my head. 

Glad I have plenty of things to do.    

   Still getting  bigger cravings than I had the first week.   Likely because I was not doing the things I normally do the first week and now I am more back to a routine  (of sorts).  Really doesn't matter why the craves come.  Only thing that matters is that I utilize all I have to NOPE on through.  Many continued thanks to Quit Train and the fabulous people on the train.

Was loading things in the car and glimpsed a pack of cigarettes I had lost about a month ago under the seat.  Grateful my guy was there for support - he whisked them away. 

Got a seriously great laugh from my junkie thinking. When I saw the pack my first gut responses were to grab the pack and slip it into my pocket , while I was already mentally lighting up after finishing loading the vehicle.  I mean really.... was my addict self trying to hide the cigarettes from myself?   from my guy?   just what was the idea there?   anyway, a non issue because I just asked, " would you please get rid of the pack under the seat....I am having trouble looking at them".  And away they went.   Hoping I build a much sturdier quit, won't have helpful people around at every opportunity.  

Just NOPE. nope. nope.

It has been suggested to utilize rewards for making through each crave.   I snowballed the craves since I quit,   looked at my ticker to see what I would've spent killing myself one breath at time, and   mentally readjusted my recent extra delightful sheet purchase to be my reward.  Not sure rewards will work well for me....but hey, try it and see!