Nicotine Free

It amazes me how in such a short time, you can get a real boost to your self esteem and sense of accomplishment by quitting something so bad for you. That is where I am today (at least for the moment).  I was actually able to concentrate on my work this morning for two hours without even thinking about smoking. Well, actually that's not true but I was able to quickly brush aside smoking thoughts and carry on. Someone else said it but I think I agree that the Chantix must truly be a wonder drug for me because this is SO much easier than the last time I quit...again at least that's how I feel right now in this moment...

Another thing that's helped is that I know what to expect because of my previous quit experience. My excuse or one of my excuses to keep smoking, or say I wasn't ready to quit yet, has always been because I didn't want to put myself through that hell again like the first time I quit. I was afraid of that hell. Apparently deathly afraid since I continued to smoke for another 15 years after that first slip. But honestly, the only thing that's been scary so far was that first step saying ok I'm gonna do this because I ran out of cigarettes. And even then, I didn't make a super big deal out of it -- I'll give it a shot and see what happens -- and it wasn't too bad at all. I know it's early days for me but I'm not sure why I was so afraid to quit again. 

Yesterday kind of sucked with anxieties, lots of smoke thoughts, etc. I paced, sang poorly and loudly, and did jumping jacks. I meditated for a bit. The urges/thoughts eased up in the afternoon. Then they started back in the evening. Around 11pm, I had one and thought to myself, "don't make a big deal out of this. it's a normal part of the process. it's just what happens biologically, emotionally. it's only a big deal if you make it a big deal." I was kind of proud of that thought when I had it because it was like I was all grown up now. Haha. I'm 52 (and it's still debatable whether I'm a grown up) and yes, I'm talking out loud and answering myself now...Quit Train=Crazy Train. Or maybe it's just that one car on the train they reserve for the newbie quitters. 

Coincidentally 11pm last night was exactly 72 hours since my last cigarette. I believe I'm nicotine free now. That's kind of cool. Been a long time since that's happened. Another celebration for me.