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Lust4Life

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Blog Entries posted by Lust4Life

  1. Friends

    · Lust4Life · 08/20/18 01:18 AM

    I have several circles of friends.  I divide them up.  Maintain relations with each of them . We are all in varying stages of life, big kids, little kids, no kids, stress, remorse, and contentment.  I never really thought about how I categorize(d) my friends.  Perhaps it was mentioned in passing many years ago in between banter with the bartender.  I see it -so much more clearly now that I observe my young child's social interactions.  I observe through a microscope and telescope.  Both are equally helpful. 
     
    It is amazing how I can still be an outcast in social situations.  The varying social situations I often find myself in.  Nearly two years ago, I was the only smoker.  So I thought.  Secret smokers are everywhere!  I always felt on edge, wanting to leave the discussion or party just to go home and smoke in the privacy of my own patio.   Being a secret smoker sucked.  I felt isolated. 
     
    I have a new set of friends.  I've kept the old.  It is safe now for me to socialize with my old friends that still smoke.  Safe because I am not a smoker.  I stay inside and they spend more time outside.  Again,  I feel isolated.  
     
    They are safe because I am not a cheater.  I'm inside alone with their card hands face down on the table.  
     
    I'm honest.  
     
    I'm a non-smoking, non-cheating crappy card player. 
     
     

  2. Binge

    · Lust4Life · 05/29/18 02:58 AM

    Unchartered territory.  No oars, motor, navi, or map.  Howdy!!!   Still not sure whether or not this content will be read.  How did you quit smoking?  Was it planned or on a whim?  Mine was both.  I planned, quit, then failed,.  Tried again and again.  Until I finally quit.  Just quit.  Decided that was that, read Carr's book again (yep, first time failed), found a supportive forum.  I quit. Quit. Done. Next. Moving on.  I did not binge prior to my final quit.  I have binged before.  The mentality being -"I'm going to smoke and drink until I'm so sick I'll never want to do this again!"
     
    So, after 18+ months, I am thankfully labeled a non-smoker. ex-smoker,  PERSON THAT DOES NOT SMOKE!
     
    I don't smoke.
     
    I eat.  And ate.  A lot. 
     
    I ate too much over the course of 18 months. 
     
    This evening I binged.   On food.  And drink.  
     
    I re-read the books.  
     
    A different quit starts tomorrow.
     
    I binged today knowing I would not tomorrow.
     
    This weight must come off & it will.
     
    I quit smoking.  I can do anything.
     
    And I will.
     
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