Day 3- pain and refusal of suffering

7am up bright and early.... oww, cant move.... curse that physical trainer, im in pain, i got out of bed like im 80 yrs old. Took the dog outside, cant do stairs cuz my quads hurt from 30 squats.... ugh... ahh ha theres the purple monster in my head laughing at me and my pain.... he says he can take my pain away for 1 cigatette..... no thanks dude iv made it this far just fine.

11 am cooking forever it seems, made 3 complete meals because i want to eat better. And honestly it takes my mind off my pain and the purple monster in my head.

4pm at work now, bored the purple monster is trying to talk to me, been good about ignoring him even tho he is playing with the neurons in my brain, cuz just like me, he is bored too. Ill keep reading this book "Quit and Stay Quit" by Terry A Rustin MD.... it at least helps me pass the time and stay focused forward so i dont have to look at the purple monster.

11pm. Ugh i hate this... went out with my boyfriend and a few of his friends.... was fine until he went to join them to have a cigarette.... i was mad, hurt, and disappointed because he was supposed to have been quit for a few weeks at this point... i went outside and was going to join in, i took the cigatette someone handed me took 2 puffs and thought, this doent help me, im not getting bavk at him more then im throwing away my quit.... i handed my boyfriend the cigarette and went back into the bar.... i waited a little bit but gouldnt get over my frustration sovi glosed out my bar tab and left.... i csme home and im in bed now, im disappointed my boyfriend has not texted me back.... since i left the bar almost 2 hrs ago iv texted him a damn book explaining how i felt. Guess i just go to bed angry, confused, and maybe a little jealous.