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NOPE; Evelyn's Blog

A blog by Evelyn in General

  • Entries

    14

  • Comments

    31

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    19385

About this blog

You better get ready and sit down, it might shake you up :)

Entries in this blog

So here I am, day 2

Here I am. Day 2 and I'm not gonna blow myself up. Just gonna write where I bump into, what triggers me, what helps.... etc.   I've found a big trigger. Which was already mentioned... Coffee, in my case too much coffee - I get all sparkly and hyper and my cravings become more intense. So - luckily I use instant coffee - I'm gonna be careful how strong I'm gonna make my coffee.   I'm gonna quit the friggin gum (not NRT gum I quit CT) because my stomach is killing me. Ugh. I felt like chewin

YOU are in control; chose either NOPE without the lies or lie and die...

'No More' truth or dare: final quitdate 15 September 2016   We wrote this on a blog about quit smoking, the members know we have DID.   No more cigarettes. No more deceiving, no more lies. Oh boy have I fall for lies and deceivement, oh boy. Who lied most. The people who should have been my safe haven, they lied, hurt, abused, drank and lied again... they lied to blame ME, for what THEY did. I was the failure. I didn't do good enough. I was a bad girl (...) I no longer believe lies. I chos
  • Evelyn

I am so sick and tired

... of this pain, hurt, anger, tears. Sjeesh waiting for 4 hours now before my dinner meals will be delivered. I am done, pissed off. I crave a smoke and a booze. I won't I WILL NOT DO THAT!   Okay afer sleeping in bed 2 hours and waking in midst of cravings I asked myself WHY?   It's about hiding, not feeling; a natural response for your brain!!! To get out of it I had to realise I'm allowed to feel, crave but it won't help a silly thing if put myself back on day zero. So feel, jump, scream

New chapter ~ kick-off week 2

I decide to choose 'love life' and here and now. My therapist let me chose a 'here and now stone' which I can grab, feel, touch when I drift off to older, bad days. Hadn't seen him in 5 weeks... dreadfull weeks. He was awsome and guess what so was I!!! How close was I of exploding today, with my SOS; luckily I did it. That SOS saved my quit. I SAVED MY QUIT> my life!!!   I am free to make my own choices, not every man is like the bad ones from my past. That person is gone, dust, a shadow n

4 sticky days feeling good - reflecting on one week

I just woke up. I'm pretty wakey wakey, going out for a social meeting thingy; dunno how to translate (hey it's 8in the morning huh!) and they will be puffing anf smoking and drinking strong coffee. I promissed myself one bottem of strong coffee and smoking wasn't even on my mind ;)   Booze is NOT a good upper, Saz is right finally after a week I stabalise again. NO booze EVER again. Same rules with cigarettes; they have the same shitty affect....   I have a cool dance music one, but I expec

Love yourself, embrace life!

When you smoke, you don't care as long as you get your fix: but you do not care for your well being. In fact most smokers hate 'their habbit' but don't have a clue how to throw it out the window. There's a few things: 1- fear of quiting (withdrawls) 2- low self esteem and 3- no real commitment to stick with your decision to quit. You can get tons of advice about this on the forums and / or fwatch the video's from Joel Spitzer: https://www.youtube.com/user/joelspitz/videos and read, read on the

Almost 3 days; Alegria

I am pleased. And I'm also going to be open, not for my sake but for those who struggle with mental health problems, various from anxiety to depression to borderline... I a proud. I am proud standing here with my almost 3 days on my ticker. Not that the quitng is a huge accomplishment... but quiting when you have to deal with anxiety, or in my case dissociation: I lost almost 2 months of time, variating from a day to 2 weeks. Finding myself smoking, on the ER, another hospitalisation on the ment

My anger issues + new fresh quit = explossive??

I'm blowing up so angry. Dunno why. I'm angry at the anger... Hold on, rewind: Fresh start, new STICKY quit and so friggin irritated, angry, Joel says it's normal... Is it? Am I finally feeling? Am I human enough, no longer the weirdo-- the mental health 'one'.   No, it's hormones, mix them with new medication, stick a new sticky quit in it: poof there's one big load of energy that needs to be out.   I'll be here, often this time :) Angry or happy or sad, just to let of steam

Freedom

I'm free, I live in freedom from cigarettes or their substitutes Nicotine Replacement Therapy: a full 2 weeks without nicotine and NOW I know what it's like to not crave, crawl upon the ceiling for a cigarette, screw my quit because I'm in continues withdrawals from NRT. The poison left my body and all what's left is mental junkie thinking; don't buy it, don't use 'm as an excuse to puff just that óne!   I could have snatched a cigarette and in the past I would have but not today: first time

Old Testament versus New Testament *escaped the NRT*

I've read some stuff in the New Testament of the Bible and there's always the promise of Jesus forgiving you when you are sorry after a wrong step: last few days I read Jesaja and like often in the OT God punishes whole tribes and countries including Israël. Not once... but one after the other!   I'm clearly not ready to read a lot in the OT because I seem to forget I'm Saved and instead I start feeling guilty and scared, like I did as a child.   Is it the same God - Yes and Jesaja speaks pr

Reflecting back on last year

I had a WAY better 2014 then 2013 was and like us Dutch millpeeps do, we light fireworks and I believe me quiting without ANY other nicotine made me face my fear. I'm not very well with fears but I practically put 2 sugars in every senseo cup of tea and lived on high glucose levels the first 3 days and I did something I never pulled off before: I just quit. Stick with NOPE and had some conversations in my head especially the first 2 days but I broke the endless cycle of patches, smoking, patch o
  • Evelyn

Self for-filling prophecy.

I am doing what I always wanted to prove to myself; that I could quit without nicotine replacement - that's why my self for-filling prophecy came out... so I pulled of the patch when I closes in to going on without and smoked.   3 cigarettes I smoked; they tasted horribly. I faced my biggest fear, continuing or better said quitting without nicotine replacements.   I read Joel's article on low blood sugar the first 3 days and since my stomach gets heartburn' I use sugar in my tea. In one day
  • Evelyn

Friends, just random people you meet who can make a difference

This might be 'just an online forum', but today many have shown me they are more then online friends. Behind a screen yes, but without judgmental views or misunderstanding. They might not grasp all of me, but they accept me.   This is one of the rarest forums where I've encounters such a thing.   People judge you, how you dress, if you're fat or to thin, if you're on drugs.   Instead of an 'get over it' respond, I received so many supportive replies when hit rock bottom today. Peptalk yes,

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