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richard

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Blog Entries posted by richard

  1. My heart is broken

    · richard · 09/04/19 12:45 PM

    Hi all. I have not been on for awhile. It is day 107  from smoking but please no congrats today. This is more about pain and heartache. To all those having trouble quitting,just think about the ones you will leave behind.I know i know you have to do it for yourself, but others will suffer just as much as you. I have     sob   had a wife.She was diagnosed with copd about 4 months ago.She tried to stop smoking and drinking her beer but could not. I tried everything because i would hear her cough and wheezing at night. She always said she is trying and not to worry because she was never ever sick. on the 21 of august she was complaining about her back and ear. On the 23 she finnally agreed to go to emer.1 where they said she had and bad ear infection and gave us some dam script. On the 23 at 3 a.m. i called my oldest daughter to come get us and we brought her to a hospitol. They took blood work and than had to move her to vasser. We followed. I went into the icu room and saw her sitting up in pain and scared. She saw me i saw her we locked eyes. I was looking at her when i heard the doctor say i had to go out for awile because they had to put her on life support sob sob sob .Still looking at her i know she heard him. The last picture of my beautiful wife was her starring at me in fear with her beautiful hazel eyes. I was ushered out never to see them eyes again. God writing this is tearing me up.I loved her even more than i though i did.The doctor said that she had pneumonia.He said that her lungs were about the worse that he had seen in a long time.On monday morning the 26th.i had to make the decision to take her off life support.Shortly after my beautiful warm sweet love of my life died in my arms taking her last breath.So to all that are trying to quit please please for the loved ones that have to try to go on without you please try again and again and again until you do.And to my love my woman i will remember you till we meet again.

  2. when will i feel good

    · richard · 07/14/19 12:30 PM

    Hey  all , Havent been on for awhile. Hane not smoked either,  54 days now. Still foggy from time to time , achy in arms and back. Been to docs a few times , says and now i am off alprazolam for 5 days. Says what i am going through is pretty much what to expect for at least another moth or so.  Says the brain needs to adjust , and especially without the alprazolam.  Anyone else go through this , would like to know . Helps i guess sort of like misery likes company.   lol

  3. vuse commercials

    · richard · 06/16/19 05:38 PM

    Ok so what am i missing here. They have banned all cigarette commercials on tv right. Oops of course thats right .But now they are pushing those damn  vaps and electronic cigs on tv. Now they sell it as the new stage of smoking.   WTF  it should be listed as the new way to commit suicide.So now i got to wonder who is making the money on these wink wink. As if i would need to research that lol. Its the tabaco company of course.If they werent their lobbiest would have put the kibosh on it a long time ago.They know that it will lead to more and more people smoking the new cool way . My god  what has this world come to.

  4. when will i feel good

    · richard · 06/07/19 07:13 PM

    Hi all you non smokers i hope. 18 days in this is murder. Thought i was doing good for last 2 years with the lozengers and than the gum and than the patch with an occasional smoke or two each day. Lol who the hell was i kidding,me i guess.All that did was substitute 1 addiction for another. Now 18 days in no nicotene at all  , and let me say this is hell. I am 67 and was smoking for about 50 years, so it should be hell i guess.Had a heart attack 10 years ago did that stop me ,well nooooooo. Sure i cut down but never stopped. Thought eating organic would help save me   haa. So i changed my diet and started to exercise a bit but still smoked. What an asshole. Am on bystolic 5 mg and alprazolam or xanax as it is better known .25 milligrams.Started to cut myself back on both while i am stopping smoking. wow talk about foggy felling lol. Pressure has been ok but it does go up and down . Arms are achy , tired alot, do not sleep that much at night, nausous from time to time, brain fog, anxiety which i have anyway without the non smoking lol. Like i said been 18 days. Had a good day 2 days ago but not since. Not as bad as before but still bad. Very moody and have to push myself to do things which never was the case before. So anyone else feel like this

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