I remember, in passing, reading about seasonal changes when you quit being triggers. I kind of laughed about it. What silly people. It's easy to quit... I don't see why a season change should make it any more difficult... ESPECIALLY if you are further into your quit. Silly talk.

I'd be completely lying if I said this onslaught of Spring weather didn't bug me in the slightest. I quit in the beginning of November... winter was starting... no way in hell did I want to go outside and smoke on my work breaks in the dead of winter. I mean shit I didn't want to do that all the years I smoked. In some small way I dreaded my work breaks in the winter. Awful stuff. So it was definitely easy and hilarious for me to sit inside and watch my friends go outside bundled up looking like that kid in A Christmas Story every couple hours for months. hahahahaha.... jokes on you...I'm toasty and warm until I get to go home for the day.

Then now Spring is here. Ahhhh my FAVORITE SEASON!! not too hot... not too cold. Thunderstorms... mmmmm. Last week I noticed my friends were going outside with no jackets. coming back in and proclaiming how beautiful it is outside. And then I came back to my desk from the back of the building I was sitting in watching the runway from the window. It caught me by surprise when I felt a tinge of jealousy of their ability to go outside with no jacket and do their thing. Now I know that I can very well go outside if I want to. Where I work though outside isn't too friendly to anyone who isn't a smoker. But I could still find something. It was the memory, though, of the years going out with them cigarette in hand standing around bullshitting in the nice spring cool weather. Then of course though they come in smelling like sickness so it quickly wipes away any jealousy until two more hours go by and they go outside again. Then there is the car. which was ALWAYS my strongest trigger. windows down...Spring air coming in...cigarette in hand...music loud. I still have my window down. Still have the music on... it's just feeling different. Which I know it will until some time passes and I "relearn" this amazing season.

I kind of mentioned this all to my friend who always quits and starts smoking again...the one who thought I couldnt go 21 days.... and he told me he had been going on a walk outside on his breaks. So I am going to go too next week. Which should really help...and now I can run regularly now that the temp has stabilized. Maybe I just want to be outside since its nice. I know I don't want a cigarette and everyone who has to go outside and have one is living in chains.

Cigarettes are nasty. The weather is nice. That's it. They have nothing to do with each other.