Dec-19-2013

Sh** really strong trigger. So I know in one of my original posts I said I took a huge paycut to get into a department of my company that I wanted a certain position in and that I really couldn't afford it. Well finally a position I really want and really need came open and I have an interview tomorrow at 1pm. I found out yesterday morning. Was fine trigger wise all yesterday, I'm assuming because I was excited. But then I couldn't sleep last night. I'm running on a few hours of sleep. And I'm just so NERVOUS. I always get nervous before an interview as I'm sure anyone does. But this feels more intense than normal because I don't just want it l...I NEED it and have been waiting seven months for this chance. I know this feeling is just going to intensify the closer it gets. And today I'm just fidgety and nervous and can't stop thinking about cigarettes. I know I don't want one. I know it isn't going to help me. I know all of this. This is just the most intense trigger feeling I have felt since I quit and I'm almost in tears and my palms are sweaty. Ahrg. I just wish I could get the interview over with now. I know I can sell myself well in an interview and I know I am well qualified for this position. I just help but have this irrational fear that I'm going to blow it because I'm so nervous. I'm crawling out of my skin.

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Dec-20-2013

Just got home from work day. I think it went awesome (but not trying to build it up too big so I dont have a big letdown if I misread any of it.) But we were all laughing the whole time and at the end one of them goes "wow I really had fun in this interview" and then quickly said that she likes all interviews she does but she had fun in this one.

Also, wasnt going to mention the smoking thing in there but apparently (from my fb posts) someone told one of these girls that I quit I guess because she asked right away how my not smoking was going. And we all talked for a little bit about it and I told them how long its been and she said she quit a week after I did or two, and used an ecig I guess but hasnt used that in three weeks now so she hasnt had any nicotine. And we talked about that for a couple minutes. It was awesome.

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Dec-27-2013

so... I have a second interview on Monday! that means they liked me, but im super nervous. It's with the main manager of the area I am trying to get to. AND it isnt until 2pm. gah

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Dec-31-2013

well I talked to some people before my interview, which I dont know if it was a good or bad thing, and they told me this lady who is now interviewing me is hard to read and appears very serious and scary. Which scared the crap out of me and then I went in there and it was her and another lady and they were not lying. Very hard to read. I feel like I messed up in a couple places, at least. but I dont know if thats just because I couldn't read her. I have never walked out of an interview and not felt like I rocked it until now. I was glad it was at the end of the day yesterday because afterwords I just wanted to go home and cry or something. They said they would know by the end of the week but that HR are the ones who send everything out.... (and they can take a while)

Just dont feel very good about it anymore.

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Jan-24-2014

Sorry. A lot has gone on lately. Didn't get the job. Some shady stuff went on and they broke some rules to get certain people who were related into the team like that six month rule. It's all a big political game. Anyway other stuff has happened. Let's all hope I get something else soon as I really have to. Have not smoked but man seeing everyone around me who quit at the new year already smoking again is sad and confusing.

Also my friend who made the bet I couldn't last 28 days or whatever smoked last weekend and then quit again. This was the longest he had gone.

Hope everyone is well just thought I'd check in.