Hell Week Is Hellish

Posted 08 June 2013 - 03:20 PM

Whomever named hell week, had it right. In about 11 hours, I'll have clocked 6 days into my quit. I think what makes it so hard, is that it takes so long. Maybe this is just a huge long lesson in patience.

Random whiffs of scents that blow me away, never this strong before. The smell of fresh cut grass and the rain is awesome, my garage on the other hand is so not awesome smelling. Mornings aren't too bad anymore, much more manageable. During the week, daytime is bearable as long as I stay busy. I still have intense cravings during those times, but not so much that I feel like I'm going nuts. The weekend is here and since it's really my first one smoke free I've no idea - unchartered territory, we shall see. Most of my difficulties lie at night, during the long stretch of downtime. The cravings are so intense. Most nights, I don't think I'll make it to sleep without a cigarette. I figured it would get easier each night, but no. Time seems to go by so slowly. I'm afraid I'm going to lose the battle one of these nights. I NEED to stop constantly thinking about cigarettes.

I've got plenty of reasons to quit. I think my son at nearly 14, will soon be at the age I was when I started smoking. Oh, here's another craving. Then I think of my 87 year old grandmother, who quit smoking at 50 and was diagnosed with moderate COPD last year. Earlier this week, took the same grandmother who has begged me enough times to quit to her pulmonary doctor. The latest bout of pneumonia is almost out of her lungs. Tells me how much of an addict I really am. Oops, there's that annoying craving again. There's my mom who quit at 52 because the doctor couldn't remove the aortic aneurysm until she stopped. She made it look so easy and never gave it another thought. Damn these cravings...I can't stand the fact that I can't bike or swim for a long time without needing my inhaler.

Apologies for the long ramble...Just thought I'd put it out there - maybe it'll make me accountable.