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What are you doing right now


notsmokinjo
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Back, awake, again!  I laid down but never did get into a true sleep, just dozed on an off.  You that suffer from insomnia know what I mean.  Decided just to give up and get up.  Today will be crap but maybe I will sleep well tonight. So, Good Morning!

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Sitting here trying to catch up on the 389 messages I missed.  I can't remember the last time I was here and know it has been months.  I know I have pulled away because I just don't know what to say to help others or even myself.  I have really struggled with grief this year.  I lost my dad in February and my Mom November 20th.  Not only did I lose my parents but I lost my family when they walked in and stripped everything that was left without any consideration for me.  I was the only daughter and only sister that carried on the family holidays and special events.  I was the only one to lovingly take care of my parents for the last five years of their lives and I was pushed out in the end.  I can't seem to push past the hurt and feelings of worthlessness.  

Along with this, the pandemic has not helped.  We did not have a Christmas last year because of it and this year, my son and granddaughter were sick with the omnicon varient.  It just does not seem like it will end.  

I am so hoping the new year will help me find new beginnings.

Mee

  

 

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@Mee, I'm really sorry to read your mom died so soon after you losing your dad 😢 And that's horrible what your brothers are doing! Hopefully your parents had a will and they'll have to give you your share. Or you could threaten to take them to court and since it would be where you are they would have to travel to court each time at their own expense lol.

Anyway my friend just know I'm thinking positive thoughts that your New Year will be better...

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I have been trying to figure why I am having intense craves all day.  I know things to do but I am worn out today with it. It has been hard every hour.  I am trying to not be angry about it.  I thought the worst was over but I guess I will have to expect that was in awhile it will get to the unbearable stage.  I will not break.

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3 hours ago, Mee said:

Sitting here trying to catch up on the 389 messages I missed.  I can't remember the last time I was here and know it has been months.  I know I have pulled away because I just don't know what to say to help others or even myself.  I have really struggled with grief this year.  I lost my dad in February and my Mom November 20th.  Not only did I lose my parents but I lost my family when they walked in and stripped everything that was left without any consideration for me.  I was the only daughter and only sister that carried on the family holidays and special events.  I was the only one to lovingly take care of my parents for the last five years of their lives and I was pushed out in the end.  I can't seem to push past the hurt and feelings of worthlessness.  

Along with this, the pandemic has not helped.  We did not have a Christmas last year because of it and this year, my son and granddaughter were sick with the omnicon varient.  It just does not seem like it will end.  

I am so hoping the new year will help me find new beginnings.

Mee

  

 

Hey there Mee!!

I been gone long time too @Meebut not with your burdens!

 

I'm sorry you lost both Mom and Dad but unfortunately this is part of the circle of life at work so focus on & enjoy the good memories you have of them both. As far as the family raiding the homestead, follow Jillar's advice! Get in touch with the executor/executrix of their will and state your complaints because that sh*t happens more often than you would think and it's actually illegal to just take assets from the deceased person's home because it's all part of the estate and the will dictates who gets what - not them!😡 I've seen it in my own life and it sucks because it changes your view of close relatives forever but in a way, it's cleansing too because you finally know who you can really trust. Just be proud of the fact that YOU gave your all to your parents through difficult times. That's special!!

 

If the will is being administered by one of the folks doing the looting, protest when you get the final settlement details! It will cost you some scratch for a lawyer but it will make you feel better!

 

Always remember; YOU beat the hardest addiction that anyone can overcome, even though you doubted your ability to do so ......YOU can do anything!!! Be proud! and yeah - sh*t!! Covid seems never ending but this is the final serious wave and I know you are fully vaxxed probably with booster jab too so relax. This will soon fade into history. Better days ahead for sure 🤗 Carry on strong like you know you can and remember, you've always got friends that care deeply for you and are very willing to lend support.

 

Surprise yourself once again and go Kick some A*S 

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@MeeI am so sorry to hear of your loss(es). I have had similar challenges with legal things and sibs following my father's death five years ago. I have also seen the story so many times in my work life. My best advice? Let go. There is no point in fighting for relationships that are not balanced. I am not saying walk away from your inheritance if indeed there is one. But be mindful of getting involved in a legal drama as it never ends well.

I don't know that grief ever ends. I think we just learn to live with it better.

Sending wishes for grace and ease your way.

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5 hours ago, jillar said:

Happy New Year @notsmokinjo and @Cbdave, 😊

 

I know how time zones work...for the most part.

 

That being said, the Australian contingent here on the Train always seems to be posting from tomorrow today.

 

They say they're from the land down under, but what if Jo and CB are actually time travelers.

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2 minutes ago, Boo said:

They say they're from the land down under, but what if Jo and CB are actually time travelers.

 

For one, if they were time travelers they would be able to give us the winning lottery numbers and since they can't then it must be the time zones 😂😂

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On 12/31/2021 at 1:46 AM, Mee said:

Sitting here trying to catch up on the 389 messages I missed.  I can't remember the last time I was here and know it has been months.  I know I have pulled away because I just don't know what to say to help others or even myself.  I have really struggled with grief this year.  I lost my dad in February and my Mom November 20th.  Not only did I lose my parents but I lost my family when they walked in and stripped everything that was left without any consideration for me.  I was the only daughter and only sister that carried on the family holidays and special events.  I was the only one to lovingly take care of my parents for the last five years of their lives and I was pushed out in the end.  I can't seem to push past the hurt and feelings of worthlessness.  

Along with this, the pandemic has not helped.  We did not have a Christmas last year because of it and this year, my son and granddaughter were sick with the omnicon varient.  It just does not seem like it will end.  

I am so hoping the new year will help me find new beginnings.

Mee

  

 

Aww Sweetheart....

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with people's crap behaviour after losing your Mum and Dad..

Some people just don't have a conscience.....

You carnt pick your family ....but you sure can pick your friends ....

Stick around here a while ...you have all the friends you need  to help you through just here ...

Sending a Big Hug ...❤️❤️

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@reciprocity, @Doreensfree, @KEL and @jillar, thank so much for your kind words.  Many of us in our later years are

still waiting for that loving approval from our parents.  I found myself turning cartwheels and over extending myself looking for it.  Whether my brothers encouraged my Mom, or my mother intended on excluding me, she changed her will.  It is not the monetary value of losing out but the fact that I couldn't even pick a picture or little something as a memento of my childhood.  I was particularly close to the one brother and am in shock that he would do this.  It makes me feel so worthless and hurt.

I do realize I have my friends here, who have carried me through many difficult times.  You helped me find a power that I did not know I had.  I am sure the grief will begin to subside and life will go on. I will continue to work on getting back to my old self and joining in the group.

Much love to you all Mee! 

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Oh @Mee, I can only imagine the hurt you are feeling having been excluded from the will. Please be sure to see the will though and don't rely on what your POS brothers are telling you. 

Greed has no boundaries, and I'm so sorry that even after death your parents are still hurting you. My heart is with you my friend.....

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Oh @Mee my hearts breaking for you. I'm so frickin angry with you brothers, they are total c u next Tuesdays. Just remember they need to live with their actions and look at themselves in the mirror. Users, betrayers, selfish cunty scum suckers, that's what they need to live with. You selflessly gave of yourself for your parents for years, ensuring despite their cruelty and faults they could live their lives complete with their crazy dunny paper rituals. You did it with grace and omg how you continued to turn the other cheek is beyond me. I know this seems harsh but I think it's time to cut the dead wood and rot from your life. Your brothers are like a malignant, cancerous tumour on your happiness....cut them off, blood and genetics are just an accident of fate (seriously is there any chance your parents bought the wrong baby home from hospital cos you are nothing like these nasty shits) and the family you chose and made for yourself us pretty bloody fantastic...you have lots of love and acceptance out there with your hubby, kids, inkaws, grand kids, friends, us 😉.... you deserve and are so much better than them. Wash your hands, say goodbye and heal. 

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20 hours ago, notsmokinjo said:

Wash your hands, say goodbye and heal.

Oh Jo, I love you so much.  You always have said it like it is and made me see things for what they are.  My mind knows what you are saying is true but my heart, right now, is not letting me. I need reminding of those big hairy green balls I worked so hard for. I have missed you so much and glad you are back.  

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