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notsmokinjo
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Birds look impressive from a distance.  Soaring through the sky...gliding along with the greatest of ease.

 

Then you get a closer look at them and realize they're idiots.

 

A bird got into my garage.  A 10 x 7 door was open.  I also opened a window to give him another option.  And the little dummy just kept flapping his wings wildly and banging his head against the ceiling.  I had to swat him with a broom to get him going in the right direction.

 

As a parting gift he took a shit on my workbench.  Stupid bird.

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It wasnt as dumb as you thought then @Boo lol. 

Fun fact: when I was n high school my sis and I were walking across the courtyard and I felt something hit my shoulder. I looked at my sister and said someone just hit me with a rock! She took a look at my shoulder and busted up laughing at the huge splat of bird shit that a seagull dropped on me in passing 😝😣 Lucky for me I had decided to wear my brothers jacket that day 😂😂😂

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Talking of bird shit my husband is the pure daftie that has a convertible. And any hint of sunshine the roof is down. One day he was driving to the toon and drove under a railway bridge. Where there are loads of pigeons. And yes, you guessed it, he got shat on a pure belter 😂😂 he was so fricking embarrassed. I was like serves you right 😁 

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I saw a grown man throwing a temper tantrum in a gas station earlier today.  He wanted his money back because he claimed his slushy drink didn't taste right.  He was genuinely upset.

 

Can't decide if I should pity this man, it was a pathetic display. 

 

Or perhaps, I should envy him.  If your life is so easy that a slushy drink not tasting as good as you had hoped is the biggest problem you face today...Congratulations, you're living on easy street.  

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  • 2 weeks later...

In need of a head transplant.

Feeling shaky, fragile with a ravage thirst.

Celebrated a friend's BDay last night.

Over Celebrated.

Verrry Green About The Gills today.

Met a kissable chef on the crawl. hmmmm.....

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20 minutes ago, Sazerac said:

In need of a head transplant.

Feeling shaky, fragile with a ravage thirst.

Celebrated a friend's BDay last night.

Over Celebrated.

Verrry Green About The Gills today.

Met a kissable chef on the crawl. hmmmm.....

 

 

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  • 1 month later...

A long long time ago,  I can still remember how that smoking  really ruined my smile

And I knew if I had my chance  I could get my white teeth back

And maybe I would be happy for a while.

But February made me shiver

Cancer on the rise with our youngsters

Bad news on the doorstep

I couldn't smoke one more cig

I can't remember if I cried

When I read about his widowed bride

Something touched me deep inside

The day my smoking died.

So Bye, bye to my Camel brand, it really came time I took my stand

But them good ole boys were smoking  Winchesters and tye

Singin' this'll be the day that I die,  This'll be the day that I die

image.png.2f4c2a661a76f9b57abdf80d4502eded.png

Edited by Opah
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7 hours ago, reciprocity said:

Pretty sure our @Stewietech would have the answer to that one 🤗

 

Anybody else remember when someone asked Stewie why he changed his name to Mr. Titwank?  His answer was right to the point.  And hilarious.

 

I miss that guy.

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8 minutes ago, Boo said:

 

Anybody else remember when someone asked Stewie why he changed his name to Mr. Titwank?  His answer was right to the point.  And hilarious.

 

I miss that guy.

With Stewie, there was no "beating around the bush", so to speak 😁

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Do you all believe in Horoscopes?  Ya me to,   on the bench with this one.

But the wife wakes me up this morning while she was getting ready for work,

said she looked at my Horoscope and it said possible changes are coming and

that I needed to really take a good look at what is being offed before jumping. into

something new ?

Well I have a couple pending offers on Jobs, one I have already ruled out, but the other

could be a real improvement in pay,  I mean a big improvement in pay, newer shop, very

nice modern DC.

Here I am, very happy, great crew, good manager,  have it all rolling.  Its close to home, no freeways

Hours are working, but miss my wife, our hours make it to where we only see each other getting in

and out of bed.  A real query 

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