Before you quit smoking (Did this help you quit?)

[PinkyPromise]

I know we've all got different reasons for quitting, but prior to your quit, did you find that certain kinds of "encouragement" were exceptionally UNhelpful?

Overall, in my personal experience, reformed smokers are really not bad.  I've heard that a lot of times, people who quit end up feeling so passionate about their quit that they almost become "quit smoking crusaders"  Just relentless when it comes to harassing people they know who still smoke.

This friend of mine... I can't even have the topic come up.  Thankfully she lives on the other side of the country from me, so our only communication is facebook and phone.  Before I quit, she was on my case about it so much that there were times I just stopped talking to her for awhile.  If I smoked when we were on the phone and she heard it, she'd have to make commentary like, "Ohhh, your poor, poor lungs..." 

She quit smoking.  She's 46 years old -- she "quit" when she was like 15 or 16 years old after having "tried" a clove cigarette.  She will tell you her big quit story and how if she can do it, you can too.  She's also a recovering alcoholic.  She quit drinking when she was 19... I want to say that she'd never actually been drunk before in her life but had only "tried" a beer or something but I'd have to ask for clarification (which I totally won't because I damn well don't need to open that door with her  )  Her mother is an alcoholic and so she determined that she also was and decided at age 19 that she was an addict and would attend AA just long enough to get her chip.  And every effing year since then she has gone back to a meeting to collect a chip.

She posts a picture of herself kissing said chip on Facebook each year -- like she's done something incredible.  I feel like it does a disservice to those who actually are alcoholics and who have had to seriously struggle with their addiction.

Meanwhile -- the girl is morbidly obese, to use the accurate medical terminology.  Never once have I said to her, "Ohhh your poor, poor heart!"   I mean, who says that?

She was on my case yesterday about how I should take up running or something else to help my body repair the years of damage I did.  I just want to punch her in the face.  Ok, not really.  I've never actually punched anyone -- but come ON!

Also, there was one time I was walking with my family down a shopping district street and my son was maybe 6 months old or so -- in his stroller.  My daughter was 4.  My husband is standing with the kids and we have "smoking area" sections blocked off so I was standing there smoking, looking through my phone email for a coupon  Some old lady stopped her car and put down her window, pointed at my kids and started saying how beautiful they were... before I could say thank you, she went on to add about how it was too bad I was killing them or myself and ruining their lives or something.  

Did shit like that ever motivate anyone to quit?  

[JB 883]

Shaming someone about an action or habit does little to nothing to help them stop. Even if it does, the result will also be resentment to the shamer. Shaming may have effect though on children but is still a very bad approach. For anyone over 12, it is just going to cause anger. Sometimes the backlash is really bad. The only thing someone said that really made me want to quit though was someone I know talking about ambien and saying, "I have GOT to have it!" I thought, "Am I also that much a slave to cigarettes? What if I could not have my tobacco and she could not have Ambien? THEN what?"

I guess hearing someone else describe their addiction made me take a hard look at mine.

With the friend, why doesn't she start an exercise regimen herself? I mean if she could stand to lose a few pounds...  But then as soon as she accomplished ONE tiny milestone (like jogging 1/2 a block or losing one pound) she would brag about it the rest of her life.

With the old lady in the car, people do tend to get real brave when they are behind the wheel. If she were on foot, she would have not said that or at least been much more polite about things, lest she got jack slapped.

 

TLDR - Constructive criticism must be delivered carefully. Being rude or shaming does not help.