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Evelyn
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Youre replies all, are so heartwarming. 

When I woke up this morning I almost considered walking to be drunk neighbor for a cig but I started by morning ritual without cig and NOPE'd and the meds kicked it and I was peeef, close

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I failed today. Too much hurt. we prayed and feel worth and have courage. So NOPE And:

 

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Glad you quit again but let me ask you this question:  Did smoking help you through whatever you were dealing with today?  If so, why did you quit again?  Don't answer that because I know the answer and so do you.  It didn't help.  It never did and it never will.

 

How can we help you stop this cycle of quitting/relapse?  Bad things happen, Evelyn, and oftentimes with no reason or explanation.  Certainly not one to satisfy our search for "why" something has happened.  Sometimes things just happen and we have to accept that.  We cannot let these things or times be the defining moments of our lives.  Even if it was something that happened decades ago, we cannot let it or continue to let it define us.  It's normal to ask "why did this happen to me" but once that question has served it's purpose, we must ask ourselves, "where do I go from here?"  We have to because if we don't, we end up in constant state of despair with little reprieves here and there.  We need to get to the point where we have longer periods of feeling good and stop punishing ourselves (no more reprieves!) for things we cannot and probably never had control over.  I know in your case, you HAD NO CONTROL so please stop punishing yourself for things that you couldn't have stopped from happening and it was and is no reflection on you whatsoever.

 

You're a good person.  Even when you're hurting you still reach out to those in this support group and offer kind word of encouragement.  You always have friends and a home here and we want to see you succeed and maintain a long quit DESPITE all of the shit that has happened and the unavoidable shitty days to come.  We all have them.  I had a shitty day for about 9 months one time. :)

 

Stay strong and remember, "By endurance we conquer!"--Sir Ernest Shackleton 

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QuitTrain®, a quit smoking support community, was created by former smokers who have a deep desire to help people quit smoking and to help keep those quits intact.  This place should be a safe haven to escape the daily grind and focus on protecting our quits.  We don't believe that there is a "one size fits all" approach when it comes to quitting smoking.  Each of us has our own unique set of circumstances which contributes to how we go about quitting and more importantly, how we keep our quits.

 

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