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How to prevent a relapse

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Thank you Chrysalis,  I too have relapsed,  and was so envious of people who seemed to find it a lot easier than me. In one way I learnt more about myself the 2nd time around, but was searching for the reasons why in the end. Romancing is and was definitely on my agenda, I will need to create a different romance picture, at the moment I love my sweet little dog, and I sing and dance to her a lot. This will do for now because I am changing my eating behaviour once again (no cakes) this is a mental problem too. I am sure if I keep on reading and learning and listening I will be guilt free and continue to be smoke free too. 

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Subtitle: The Romance Is Dead!     This is the time of year when many people quit smoking. Most especially, people who quit before but relapsed are trying again. I think that is wonderful (that the

Up until recently I thought that I would be quit but wistful about smoking.  For example, the type of quitter who 20 years later mentions that she would smoke again if they came out with a harmless ci

What I like, very much, about this post is that if someone (like me) had read Allen Carr numerous times but still felt the urge it shows you that you're ok and it can be perfectly normal. I wish I'd h

54 minutes ago, forestgreen said:

Romancing is and was definitely on my agenda, 



The way to prevent a relapse is to take smoking off the table and stand by your commitment to NOPE (Not One Puff Ever).


Root out any thoughts you may have that smoking is OK or that just one will be OK or that it was great to smoke.

Any thoughts are the LIES of addiction.

We've heard and thought them all until we chose to control our thoughts and leave addiction in the dust.

Red Flags

You must be merciless in this and leave no room, no room at all for relapse.


I am concerned, forestgreen...you often speak of the romance of nicotine.

What is romancing you ?  What remains enticing ?  What do you think you are missing ?

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When you totally understand this addiction ,when you see how the Big Tabacco Companies ..work so hard  to make sure we ..the poor smokers stay hooked for life ...

There is nothing left to Romance ..... poison......they have been poisoning us ....

It's so slowly we are unaware.....it's only when are bodies carnt cope with it anymore ....it develops a chronic illness most of them fatal...

COPD is nothing to Romance ..trust me .....you really don't want to have this in your life ....

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I didn't realize I was romancing the cigarette, or that I am missing something, I am glad the cigarette is out of my life, I used to romance it, but then so did a lot of people on the movies in particular. I think my thoughts are mostly on trying to loose weight now, and this might be me romancing "my cake" I am missing my cake but I have devised a new Mantra for this.  Called I love savoury eats, not sweet eats.   I don't know how long this will last, but it might sink into my brain soon if I say it often enough. I can remember giving up sugar in my coffee and tea a very long time (decades) ago and was quite miserable for a while. Thanks for caring

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1 hour ago, forestgreen said:

 I don't know how long this will last, but it might sink into my brain soon if I say it often enough. 


Repetition and time are powerful tools.


With patience and persistence, not only can you change your thoughts but also rewire your brain.  The same way we conditioned ourselves with cigarettes, we can also condition ourselves with positive things.

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On 1/6/2015 at 1:50 PM, Chrysalis said:

Subtitle: The Romance Is Dead!



This is the time of year when many people quit smoking. Most especially, people who quit before but relapsed are trying again. I think that is wonderful (that they're coming back, not that they relapsed).


Reading their posts has made me realize that in very many cases, people relapse because they are still romancing the cigarette. That means that they still WANT to smoke even though they know that smoking does nothing good for them. They still remember those quietly satisfying evenings on the deck smoking. They remember that a-a-a-h-h-h! of satisfaction with the first long draw on a cigarette. And they want that again. And so even if they are weeks or months into a quit-- even though the PHYSICAL addiction is long gone-- they essentially choose to go back to smoking because of the pull of these romantic fantasies about how good smoking was.


Well, I was the poster child for romancing the cigarette. Throughout this quit and all my previous quits (of which there were several) I always wanted to smoke. I didn't smoke-- I controlled myself-- but I wanted to smoke. All the time. Almost every day. It seemed to me that after 4 or 5 months quit, almost everybody on the board was way done with smoking and happy about it. I still missed it. And that was frustrating because my rational brain KNEW that the "pleasure" of smoking was vastly over rated and mostly imaginary. I KNEW that I was romancing the cigarette and I really did not want to go back to smoking. But the seductive thoughts were there. Maybe not every day, but often enough to be very annoying.


I'm here to tell you that today, more than 9 months after my quit, I realize that I am not desiring a cigarette hardly ever! This is a first for me. And this death of the romance is not just a matter of time-- I quit smoking before for periods of up to a year and still suffered from romancing.


I think that the difference this time is that I educated myself about Nicodemon's lies. It's as though my rational brain has told my junkie brain over and over and over again "No, smoking is NOT pleasurable! And such small, brief pleasure as you feel when you smoke comes at way too great a cost! Forget it!" and finally, FINALLY junkie brain is quieting down. What a relief!


Now I do admit that during these "romancing episodes" that I'm talking about-- those days when I really, really wanted a cigarette-- I had to remind myself over and over again about why I quit smoking in the first place and remind myself over and over again that I wanted to quit more than I wanted to smoke. I had to FIGHT to keep my quit many, many times over the months. The urge to smoke wasn't constant, but it was frequent. Sometimes it was quite miserable.


I'm still jealous of people who seemed to have it easier than I did. I often thought that I was a "special snowflake" and I had it harder than other quitters-- few people admitted that they still wanted to smoke many months after a quit. But whether I had it worse than anyone else or not, I hung in there, reminded myself about why I quit, and that I was DETERMINED not to smoke.


Now, at last, I can look back over the last few weeks and realize that the romance is dead. I finally, finally am at the point where I do think about smoking once in a while but it's like a vague thought that is easily dismissed, not a serious desire. I have heard others describe this "vague thought" phenomenon many months after a quit and I finally understand what they are talking about.



So I guess I am writing this to say that if you are many weeks or months into a quit and you still want a cigarette, you are not alone. What you are experiencing is real. It does happen to some people (like me, for example). You are romancing the cigarette and you have to use your rational brain, your smoking education, and your strong desire to quit to fight the urge. And eventually, sooner or later, you will turn around one day and realize that the romance is dead. You really don't have to fight to keep your quit anymore-- you just have to remain vigilant and committed.


Hang in there, folks!  You can DO this!


What a great post, thanks for the story, it's really encouraging! 

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