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Death In The West - The Marlboro Story (Full Documentary)

KEL is Four Months Smoke Free Today!!!

jillar

By jillar,
in Celebrations!

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jillar Grand Master

jillar

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Congratulations @KEL on four months quit! That's fantastic 😊 Its great watching the support you give so many as you go through your journey. Who knows how many people your posts are helping! I hope you have a great day and treat yourself extra special today 😊

 

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KEL Mentor

KEL

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Ah-thanks again for all the words of support my QT buddies!

I am grateful that I landed here. Still not sure how that happened except that I have always loved trains. The magic of Google.

I'm not feeling particularly strong or insightful at the moment. Maybe its just mid-winter ennui or maybe this is just another layer to peel in the healing process that, at least for me, is like an onion. I fortunately have tissue boxes conveniently located throughout the dwelling to sop up the tears when they flow. 

All I know TODAY is that smoking did (F-ck All) zippity-do-dah to help resolve anything although, at the time, I believed it did. I think we all did, right?

Maybe the "longing" to smoke is really a longing for simpler days? And yet I am not sure things are any more complicated now than they ever were-I just have more years on me to ruminate and fuss. I think I am turning into one of those people that I used to make fun of, i.e. "Back in the day...."

Although I think we can all agree the 80's were a pretty spectacular decade, the threat of nuclear annihilation notwithstanding.

Or maybe the "longing" to smoke is to connect back with my younger self who was more hopeful and curious. I know the pandemic has done a number on all of us in really odd ways-the lack of connection with others in person, the speed at which information is flying at us. So perhaps what I am feeling is not unique to being on a quit journey or at least that is not the entire story?

The upside (and it is a HUGE upside) is that, every day, I get to come here and see my progress as well as that of everyone else on the Freedom Train. That's sure something to be happy about, something to celebrate. As I have mentioned, I am participating in 12-step groups for nicotine recovery and oh-wow-so-glad-those-early-days-are-behind-me! Those years of struggling to quit, round-and-round we would go. Then the fist days, weeks of a quit where I was in withdrawal. Yuck. So yuck.

The oddest thing is that I can feel what it would be like to pick up a cigarette and its awful. So I have to assume this current phase is a sort of in-between world? As @garry mhudsonsaid, "worst days behind you." I am going to hold on to that.

Thanks for listening-blessings to all.

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intoxicated yoda Veteran

intoxicated yoda

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@KELI think part of quitting is letting go of the past which can be quite traumatic.  I still have moments where I wish I could go back in time which I think is pretty normal, but cigarettes are not time machines so I am learning to bear the full weight of that depressive moment without the crutch I believed was in the cigarette.  You are doing fantastic.  The rainy days help us to appreciate the sunshine that much more.  Have a blessed day, Karen.

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Kris Veteran

Kris

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@Kel, just going back and reading your post again, back in the day! The great 80's, when the money flowed, when my son was born, when all the people I love were here on this earth.  We were young, having fun, traveling, going to parties and enjoying our youth.  I did quit smoking once I knew I was pregnant.  We had been told by doctors that was not going to happen, miracles do happen, and it was the greatest gift of my life.

Lord knows we are going through a trying time, I just gave up on the boxes of tissues. they could not keep up with my years.  Now I just carry around a roll of tissue to mop up the mess of my tears. I can't say yet that the worst days are behind me as I still crave, I still want to smoke but it is just not something I can do any more for health reasons.  I have now after all these years have accepted the reality that if I want to enjoy my older years I have to do this. Am I happy about it, no, not yet but I will be.  I will get extra time with my son and grandchildren.  What more motivation do I need.  None.

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Angeleek Collaborator

Angeleek

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Great job KEL! Just stick with it and you'll see it gets easier and easier with time! Watch out for no mans land and stay close to the board if you get the blues! They will pass! Congratulations on 4 months _ you got this!!!!

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