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Thinking about life


Linda
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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 3 weeks later...

So here I am setting pretty victorious at my desk, My Manager can force me to answer my phone any time I am off of work.

He was not happy about that, and now he has to write a retraction on a Email letter of warning he wrote to me.

My crew and I raised enough unrest that we all are getting paid for the holiday.  another OOOOPs moment for the management.

 

 

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Well finally My Friday, it really should be my Saturday, but the extra day I have to work makes my Saturday my Friday even though it is really Tuesday.

Monday is My Fri, Tuesday, Wednesday & Thursday are my Saturday and Sunday plus one.   

The Plus one is really cool get an extra day and lose a working day that way I have 3 days to play, and it still adds up to 7 very cool.

 Well any way I will be off tomorrow and it is a good thing, not sure what I am going to do, but I do know what I am not going to do,  I am not going to smoke.  Well I may smoke a Ham or a Turkey

My new favorite   

 

Edited by Opah
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Well its Monday again, hopefully It will be a sooth week ahead, Just four days to my weekend.  My Turkey day was small quite Family,  my son and his family went to his wife's mothers house, so that is why the quite was inserted above.  I did have some craving Thursday Thanks giving, My self and my son in laws mother were the only ones that smoked so we would end up out on one of the patios with ours drinks and our smokes.  Two plus #1 she did not come and #2 the craving passed as quickly as it came.

I really hope this week passes quickly, I need to get out the the refuge and re-sight my BAR with the Hog scope.  Plans are set Dec 21 to the 31 I will be hunting Hogs and get to break in the BAR 

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After all the crap going on at work and family I decide to take some OPAH time off,  so the 21 thru the 31 I will be Hunting,  but why am I feeling like a dust speck?

You know I am Good with it, I really do need a

Edited by Opah
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You know as I get older, the holidays mean less and less example:

4th of July, do you feel the way you felt at 13 seems as you grew the awe and glory died, the magic faded and the family grew further apart.

especially now with the yahaas trying to keep every body apart,

Am I he only one felling disconnected from Family, friends, society ?

I mean is this what it was 4 years ago ?   Ya Ya Covid this and Covid that Teach our youth to be segregationist, that one must protect them self's  even from Family and friends, to hide behind senseless, useless masks.  Remember only a couple weeks then Months and now Years, Makes it so hard and lonely for some to keep a quit.  makes it so easy for that nico demond to slip in and say this is what you are quitting for look around, is this what you want to spend the rest of your life doing ?

Why even bother ?  What are we going to be in 2 / 3 more years, are we going to owe our souls to the company store?

Think we would have learned, Fool us once shame on you

Fool us twice shame on us.  You know I will be better after this?

well maybe not, I want what we had just 3 sort years ago, when  you could have a smoke in a bar, when you could pray together in Church,

when holiday block party's  were common, when you could have huge family get together's and you could hug your grand children and kiss them on the cheeks, Maybe I am just feeling nostalgic.  I do want to smoke, just say Fuk to all of this and not give a damn.

 But then I say  fool me once OK but your not going to fool me again, I am free of you and you are not getting me back.  not with swinging my mode during holiday times, not by attempting to make me feel all of this us for nothing.  Yes you put on a pretty good façade and your slight of hand was skill full and yes you had me shaking to my foundation.  But that is where it ends, My foundation is strong, the backs of many poured it, smoothed it and helped it harden.

Mighty is my foundation and all upon it secure, so let me make this Clear NIC you will never have me so slink away become the memory you are doomed to be, held in the deep dark recess of my mind.

Edited by Opah
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For me the Holidays are not easy to get through!!

They are not as important as they use to be more sadness

than joy!!I will really need to guard my quit. It would be very

easy for me at this time to give up. Trying to stay positive

but finding that difficult now.

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Don't over think ....

The holiday is a few days ...turn all negative thoughts....to positive ones .....

There is no reason on earth to throw your precious Quits away .....none ...

I haven't seen my daughter for two years ....I would love that hug ....

But I know it will come ,when the time is right ....

KTQ.....👍🐸

 

 

Edited by Doreensfree
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@LindaI have always struggled during the holidays. However, what I have found that makes it easier to get through is to be of service to others. The time of year is such a set-up, dominated by western consumerism with the (implicit) judgment that if we don't have the Hallmark family, we are somehow losers.

Its easy to get caught up in the past, the "good old days." And aging is really difficult as we lose people we love along the journey. BUT we have quit smoking which is such a gift. I find it takes practice to remain in a good frame of mind. But its that same diligence that allows us to be free of the prison of smoking.

Sending good vibes your way....K

 

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@KEL Very wise words!!! That is true, not everyone has

that Hallmark Family. The holidays are hard for a lot of people!!

You are also right about helping others always makes one feel better.

Thank you for the support!!

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Well it starts here, got my Macho Libre glucose sensors,  finally prescribed.

I knew, it was going to be high, chocolate peanuts, great dinners and Breakfasts,   but I have it trending down.

Once I get it stable and running 160 Plus / Minus I can now see what does what to me in real time, Toast in the Morning, a Beer before Bed,

apples, oranges and grapes all good foe you buy not for my A1C maybe?

I can get me a diet set up that will work with My A1C and my weight, Both need my serious attention.  I have a shit load of work to do at home and I need to get to it,  I have noticed that I can not do it all.

I will need to start paying for the heavy shit and get help for the awkward stuff.  I came close to falling at work today and there were moments my chest was pounding.  I am just pushing myself to hard.

This Tuesday Darrell and I are heading out to the Refuge, going to shoot the shit out of something and sight my hog gun for my hog hunt the 21st thru the 31st,  that is going to be nice. 

Its weird Nic is fighting back with a sugar crave or maybe it is just I got some bad Bacteria in the pipes and I need to pay attention to my Probiotics, Meds can screw them up and let the Bac bacteria run all over the good. 

The laugh is that I was taking Probiotics but then you let something go and then I start something else and let something else go.   Is it possible to take care of everything at this age, the Body seems o have stopped helping and now its pills and more pills.  Well Right now most of what I am taking is for my sugar so once I got that handled I can move on.

Edited by Opah
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@Opah I have been off the board dealing with my own struggles for a week or more.  It is so hard to come to grips with aging and the things that come with it.  I could not have imagined a time that I could not do my own yard workl.  That I could not get up a step ladder to change light bulbs and dust my cieling fans... but the reality of the situations devastate you.  All my life I have done things that most women left to the husband.  My husband was dedicated to his work, his job, above all things so I learned to take care of many things around the house.  I was not upset about this, I saw it as things I could do so we would have more time together as a family.  Now he is gone, I find that I can't do what I used to do with ease.  Old age has come, sneaked up and torn away my confidence. I have to stand back and look at each thing, to see if I can do it.  I can still get down but getting up is whole different thing. I have plumbing I need to deal with in a couple of bathrooms that were not a problem in the past but are a different thing with limitations that are age related.  I am angry that I can not do things I have done in the past.  I do not like asking for help.  No one does!  We are still the same person in our minds but our bodies betray us.  I find that as these problems weigh on me it increases my desire to smoke again, like if, if I can only fix that toilet, dust that fan and so forth, I can take a break and have a smoke.  The reality, if we get it done, we still can't have that so called reward, a smoke break on the patio.  And so I live with a toilet not running well, I leave the ceiling fans on so visitors won't see the dust and I keep my quit.  We have to step back and survey the landscape of our lives, what is most important.  At this point I am choosing my health and a longer life so I can see my grandchildren grow up.  So I can take them to the park and play without being short of breath.  Yes, we are older but we at least have a choice in how we want to be older, we can recognize what is truly important. If I did not have anything else I wanted to see in my lifetime I would continue to smoke, a slow suicide.  We must admit there is so much to do and see before we leave this earth, that will be our strength, determination and end goal.  We want to leave our families knowing we choose them first above all things!

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