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Thinking about life


Linda
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2 minutes ago, Opah said:

Thank you Linda, Your response stopped me from going out with one of my guys.  and you helped me tell him if he gave me a smoke I would fire him.  so that takes that source away.

 Freaking trembling in side

@OpahYou are so welcome buddy!! You know I'm in Michigan and California is along

ways for me to travel to kick your butt lol 😀😀😀  hang in there!!!

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I get it, I still wish I could smoke but I just tell myself that I can't now that I really know it is affecting my health.  This 3rd month has been a beast.  Constant wanting, craving!!! But I know that it is okay, or normal, that we all think/feel it because of the change we are making. I just also know that I am not going to act on it.  If I have made it this far I can take it a day at a time.

 

K

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You will be all right. I’m at 4 months now, and it seems easier. My biggest trigger is that I’m binge watching “Call the Midwife”, and almost everybody smokes, including the Nurses. Having been a smoking Nurse, I really identify, and find myself wishing I could join them. It’s such a good show, though, that I put up with it, even if it sometimes makes me feel a little squirrelly. 😊

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  • 1 month later...

Well life for my elderly mother is getting a little better today, final planning is done and the contractors are going to start the 22 X 65 foot concrete apron from my front door to the curb tomorrow.

 Soon she will be able to walk out to get the mail, set outside and listen to the radio, talk to the dog next door, She loves that dog, she signs and him will she says signs back to her.

Got my 3 days off and Remembered our anniversary.  I am taking my wife out for a nice dinner and walk on the beach, going to pack a blanket just incase we can get frisky.   Moon lit beaches have that effect on me.

 

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One week from today !  This was the reason I was able to let go of the $1500.00 for My BBAR and sight and ammo, Yes for me it is that big a deal.

Not sure how many years it has been 2 maybe 3, I am sure their are more than a couple here that know for sure.  That one year smoke free anniversary has eluded me,  yes it was me no excuses there, a jack ass in side that believe he had all the answers and control, that would not speak the word addiction or addict.  After all I am not sticking a needle in my arm now am I?  Years it has taken me to except that Nicotine had a grip on me even after 10 or 11 months of abstinence.  See the word abstinence triggers the thought process of NO SEX,  Not no Nicotine or no smoking.

Ugly words they are and my self image would not apply such Ugliness to my image of my self.

Well I have now, not to me now but to me the smoker, I can close mt eye invasion me smoking and what I see is ugly, no more romantic mountain man in the cloud covered mountains, Tranquil and soft puffing on a smoke.

I see a yellow smile, smelly, coughing some thing people avoided.

It took me finally being able to apply those ugly words to my self.

For me this is not seven steps,  it is a life long process constantly changing with my ability  to love and care for myself, to see the ugly and the handsome sides of me.  Be able to tell the truth and not lie to myself.

   

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For some the admittance of weakness or vulnerability is a tough one.

I worked hard at what ever it was I was doing, I strived to be the best or at least better than most. not sure where I got that but it was ingrained in me and I was proud of it.

To be called addicted, addict or defective was totally against all that I believed in myself.   I am sure Jill or Doreen could tell you stories about me arguing with them about being cured and not being addicted any more.

Sure enough I would test  it and throw a 7, 6 month quit down the toilet.

 Now I believe I am strong enough to admit my weakness, and the fact that

my addiction to nicotine will never go away,  I will get to be manageable, but feed it and it will jump right back up and take control all over again.

So here I am, educated, self assured,  and ready to do the work necessary to Keep my quit,  and Damn it I will continue to succeed.  

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Wonderfully said, Opah. One of the worst moments of my life was recognizing and admitting that I was an addict. Me. Society labels us as smokers. How flattering. We are much worse than that. We are addicts. Nicotine junkies. 

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So here I am, educated, self assured,  and ready to do the work necessary to Keep my quit,  and Damn it I will continue to succeed.

 

Your light bulb moment Opah !!!!

I love to see that magic moment when it all clicks together ....

I still remember mine ....

I always thought I was a lady who enjoyed a treat after doing ...well anything really ...

Me ..a addict ...no way .....then reality landed ....I was a Nicotine Addict ...

Pure and Simple ...🐸

 

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