Again... ashamed, frustrated, sad ..

[Edy]

.. how did it happen again .. why am i in the starting point again .. i dont know - i can not figure it out, and i was postponing the quiting till i know what happened, till i am "smart enough" .. but i dont think i will  ever know it .. and I can not smoke anymore - i feel like it is killing me - not even my body - but my mind!! does it make sense?? 

[Edy]

... and last time when I was quitting with support of this forum - it was sooo easy .. suspiciously easy..  and when got back to smoking it hit me like never before, from having one cigarette i bought a pack straight away and was smoking more than ever per day ..  

[Dianne]

Makes sense to me Edy! When I decided I was done. It was because it not fun anymore. I was not gaining anything from it. The feeling of it killing me both physically and mentally was/is real for me....I get it....at least you came here and said it out loud....that a positive step! 

[AceWhite]

Respect the enemy. You are an addict and need to treat your recovery as such. NOPE is a pledge to never smoke again- not even one “innocent” puff because it’ll never be that easy. Grab a seat and stick with us. 

[Abby]

No need for shame frustration or sadness . All those things you can change .  Our brains can certainly do a number on us pretty fast , getting us all negative about ourselves . It's a lie .. it's addictions dirty trick .

 

Something I learned during my quit was this :  " Quit listening to negative things you tell yourself and fill yourself with positive . For everything spoken negatively is within your power to change " .  

 

Cravings want you to feed your addiction and to listen to their needs . They will try to push you around til you break with either words, with anxiety and  definitly with lies. That's addiction , not you . You want to be free . 

 

Starving  the beast is what puts the fire out in addiction  ; feeding it cigarettes gives  it life . Starve it over and over again and it will give up . It won't come back if it knows there's no food .  I know that's hard but it's necessary to get through more quickly .

 

I had an eight year quit that was easy peasy . It was like I never smoked a day in my life .

First quit , I quit from 30 to 38 years old . It was a cinch to quit that first time .  

Then I had the crazy notion to comfort myself with "just one " during a difficult time in my life having 8 years quit . I thought no problem , " one " would be enough . Quitting was easy . 

Well , that one " like the first "one"  led to a pack in a week and then to 16 more years of smoking .  

Sixteen more years led me to the point it was do or die at 54 years . That's when I made out my will but more importantly that's when I said I'm quitting and meant it . . Smoking was not going to be  an option ever . Please do not put off tomorrow what you can do today . Smoking isn't worth it . Look forward to being free from this , it's worth it . 

 

Those craves ? Just accept them . Welcome them because they are the path to healing . 

 

I am a visual person . If you are too , try making up a visual that can help you . 

Rub some grain from the wheat field and watch the chaff blow away in the wind . You don't need smoking anymore . It's not needed to make life beautiful .  Let the craves go with the wind and inhale that beautiful fresh air first thing every morning . Inhale deeply gratefulness and you will exhale gratefulness .   

 

So this quit was meant to be hard for you for a good reason I think , so do you really think you should feel ashamed frustrated and sad . I don't think so . I think there is a better lesson in this and it's one for good . 

 

 I'm glad you are here , check out the pledge if you don't already if it's something you think might help you .. I call it a promise .  Do what works for you . No better conductor on the train than you yourself . 

 

Best wishes as you travel 

 

Abby 

 

 

[jillar]

3 hours ago, Edy said:

how did it happen again .. why am i in the starting point again .. i dont know - i can not figure it out

 

It happened again because we are addicted to nicotine @Edy, we can't have just one...ever. Glad you're back and ready to do it all over again. Stick close and reach out to us when or if you need support 

[Doreensfree]

Never give up..giving up ....

We are addicts ..there is no such thing as !!!! Just One  !!!!

Sounds like you  Romanced the cigerette....

Forgot the Main reason you quit in the first place ....

Go back to Basics ....Read everything you can ...

Start at the Main Discussion Board ....read all the post pinned with green ....

The rules have never changed ....Never Take Another Puff ................ Ever !!!!!

[Gus]

Stay. With. Us. I’m new here. I’m a little over 5 weeks in on my quit. I’m pretty sure that I would already be smoking again if I hadn’t found this site. If I hadn’t decided to pin this page for one-click access. I don’t ever want to smoke another cigarette. I don’t ever want to have to go through quitting again. Don’t feel ashamed, frustrated, or sad. Just get back on the quit and stay on it. Last week I had to confront myself and admit that I was the same as an alcoholic or junkie in detox. The withdrawal was that bad. I can NEVER smoke again. I just can’t and I will not. I hope that you can see yourself in this way now because I think it is the truth and if we don’t admit it this truth to ourselves, our quit will never last. I’m thankful that you knew where to come. This place is great! 

[Mee]

7 hours ago, Edy said:

how did it happen again .. why am i in the starting point again

Because it is an addiction and you have to be vigilant against the urges to smoke.  Smoking is killing you and you are so worthy of freedom.  I hope you can find you final quit.  You can do it!

[Edy]

thank you all for your support! 

I am here .. today 8 am ... and thinking of all the reasons not to quit.. that is my brain telling me, it is a internal fight .. when shall i start : now?? there still 3 left in the pack

but how will i mange ...

here is what reasons I have.. ( i really hope my identity is not recognised .. ) Please do rationalyse it - please do tell me it is wrong ..

-my brain is mess - apparently i have cPTSD - dysregulation .. etc ..  - i probably can not manage myself - and my therapist .. yeah .. the therapists hiere (I live in Switzerland _ i hope that is OK that join this forum - it is not country restricted?)  they do not support quitting smoking !! i was told that before .. because they believe it is too much to handle for a patient .. so not much support there ... 

- I have nothing to do - no day structure - out of work - no family - how do i keep myself busy - it already drives me mad!! I already struggle to go out of the flat even for a walk ..  

how will i keep myself busy .. although i suspect my current heavy smoking is actually a result of frustration of this situation and avoiding something ... avoidance of what .. ? will i find out when i quit ? and probably will have to face it...??! OMG... that is terrifying..   

 

... and on the other hand .. i feel my "lungs are talking to me" .. they struggle .. and are begging me please stop that  .. and that horrible taste in my mouth .. 

[Edy]

Ok .. step one - i will take a shower .. i still dont know if today is going to be the day ... of quitting .. but does it make sense to start in the midday..?? 

then i need to confirm exactly what time i have a my dentist app... today ... i sometimes forget things .. i mix them up ..

but than in the eve I probably meet a friend in a park - this is something to look forward to ..  ! if that happens .. because she works a lot and hopefully she will still have the energy..

life is not fair (who said it was supposed to be, right?! ) some have too much work .. some none! 

 

[Doreensfree]

It's amazing just now much time we have ,when we quit ...smoking takes up so much of our hours ..

Excersise is a great way to pass some time ...

I power walk 3 miles a day in my kitchen ..on the spot ...with the help of You Tube ....

There is so much help out there ...

Take up a new hobby...is there something you have always wanted to do ...you will have some cash spare from not smoking 

We have a section of games ...to pass the time ...

Listen to music ..Dance around ...I did that ...singing out loud ...feel good factor....

Try Qi Gong !!!...I swear by it ...Calmer gentle Chinese Art ...

The world has so much to offer ....

To answer your question about whether you are welcome here ...

Of course ...we have folks from all over the world ...one big happy family ....

This is a great place to make new friends ....

Be positive ..what your doing is amazing ....

 

[Edy]

Thanks  you are right ... indeed there are things that are laying around and could do with my attention... 

qi gong sounds good too ... oh dancing! Yeah I love that ... 

[JackiMac]

I've been where you are so many many times, the day I was quit was a day where I was at my lowest point, so much stress going on in my life, so much turmoil and pain, but as I drew a puff on that cigarette and coughed like I was going to die right there and then I made a promise to myself that there would be no more. That I was stronger than the addict that was inside of me, its not easy we all know that, we all know that there is that point where we follow people just to get a whiff of nicotine, we all know that by just having one it will lead to smoking more and more. Be kind to yourself, no need to feel shameful, because the addict will just tell you that you should have a cigarette to make you feel better. You have to be totally ready for this, really ready, not half way there but 100% committed, and YOU WILL do it, you owe it to yourself. I look back at my life and I think to myself now why on earth did I do that, yes I wish I had never started smoking, I hate the smell of it now, the thought of smoking one makes me feel sick, and you will get there too. Do something that makes you feel good, remind yourself when you get that urge that you are better than nicotine. By the way it really is stinky stuff, now that I can smell it urghhh. So we got you and you got this okay xx

[Abby]

You may actually and quite likely cope better once the smoking is gone ... and think more clearly as well . Brain fog is normal for a bit . CRS they call it . ( Can't remember stuff . ) 

I agree I thought how in the world could I live without them .. well I am and you will too . You will find healthier ways and feel better . 

I know several folks with ptsd , they quit smoking , so I'm pretty sure you can too if you don't use ptsd as a reason to smoke .  It's a crutch not a cure . 

We are here to support when you are ready , I hope you feel safe and happy here . You can do this . 

[Boo]

On 4/25/2021 at 8:45 AM, Edy said:

 i can not figure it out, and i was postponing the quiting till i know what happened, till i am "smart enough" .. 

 

Quitting smoking is not rocket science.  You stop putting cigarettes in your mouth and setting them on fire.  One step and done.

 

It's a simple process.  You have all of the knowledge you need.

 

11 hours ago, Edy said:

i probably can not manage myself - and my therapist .. yeah .. the therapists hiere (I live in Switzerland _ i hope that is OK that join this forum - it is not country restricted?)  they do not support quitting smoking !! i was told that before .. because they believe it is too much to handle for a patient .. so not much support there ... 

 

I'm not licensed or board certified, but that is some terrible advice from a therapist.  Quitting smoking is one of the best things you can do for yourself physically and mentally.  Self-medicating with nicotine is a dead-end loop.

 

5 hours ago, Abby said:

You may actually and quite likely cope better once the smoking is gone ... and think more clearly as well .

 

That was my experience.

 

When you no longer live your life in varying degrees of nicotine withdrawal, things start to clear up a bit.

[Doreensfree]

I agree with Boo...

I've yet to meet a professional person ....

Condone smoking ....

Maybe you should talk about Emphysema.....on your next visit ....

No good ever comes from Smoking ....

[Boo]

16 minutes ago, Doreensfree said:

I agree with Boo...

I've yet to meet a professional person ....

Condone smoking ....

 

Not to go off on a tangent here, but...

 

The appeal to authority fallacy is likely the most dangerous of all the logical fallacies.

 

Folks with impressive credentials and academic accolades are still human beings.  Some of them have been corrupted.  Others are dishonest.  Some will speak with authority on issues that they are ignorant of.

 

Be skeptical.  Ask questions.  

[Mee]

16 hours ago, Edy said:

- I have nothing to do - no day structure - out of work - no family - how do i keep myself busy - it already drives me mad!! I already struggle to go out of the flat even for a walk .

Edy, I craft.  There are many craft forums on line and isolated woman, like you, that love to share what they know.   Crafting keeps my mind busy and has always helped me when I was sad, alone or worrying about something.  It helped get me through those tough days of quitting.   

I am sure much of your smoking comes from loneliness and boredom.  Get addicted to this forum.  You can support others, play games and make new friends.  I love the fact that many here are from all over the world.  We have been able to support each other during the pandemic and share our differences with food holidays and traditions.  

I promise that quitting will most likely help with your anxiety and make you feel more confident.  Stop thinking of all the reasons why you can't quit and start thinking of how you can quit.  You can do this!