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Pity instead of desire


farmgirl
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I used to see people smoking outside restaurants or at a party and I was so jealous that they got to keep smoking and I had to quit.  Which really makes no sense since I chose to quit, but that's the feeling I had anyway.  I quit smoking on December 27th 2017, and that feeling of jealousy went away a few months ago.  Now I see people smoking and I feel bad that they have to take that time to feed their craving.  Usually they're standing all by themselves and it doesn't look like much fun. It looks like a compulsion. 

 

 I was thinking about it this morning on my way home from taking the kids to school because I realized I was in no rush to be anywhere.  I used to be in a rush to go home and have my smoke, because I hid it from my kids and would wait for them to get to school so I could feed my craving.  I have saved so much time in my life day to day by not having to stand alone on the porch smoking a cigarette.  Not to even mention the time I've hopefully saved by not dying young from some smoking-related disease.

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Farmgirl,  I was the same with my kids.  I would get them to school and could not wait to relax and have my cigarette.  I knew then that it was wrong and did not want my children following my path.

As far as watching others smoke, I never felt jealous that they could and I was quitting.  I kind of chuckle now, because I critique how they smoke.  Some take long drags and savor their cigarette and some take quick, little puffs and have to flick their ash every time.  None of them look sexy or mature to me, which is the lure that made me want to smoke when I was a young adult.  I have so much empathy for them.  The young ones most likely haven't gotten it yet.  Then I wonder if the older ones feel as I did - ashamed and helplessly stuck?  

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I feel envy when I see smokers. I think because I've quit for good reasons but not because I really wanted to. If there wasn't a dying/health risk with smoking I'd still be doing it. 

 

I'm pleased for you Farmgirl and glad you are so happy with your quit. 

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I don't feel envy when I see smokers puffing away on a cigarette. I haven't seen any smokers in a long time (I always look down and walk) but I can get the smell of cigarettes. And when I get the smell of cigarettes, the thought I immediately get in my mind is "Crap, I hope I don't relapse".

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1 hour ago, Ankush said:

And when I get the smell of cigarettes, the thought I immediately get in my mind is "Crap, I hope I don't relapse".

You are still pretty early in your quit.  With me, that did pass after a while.  You are doing great Ankush!

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I no longer feel envy for smokers when I see them.  I look at what I used to do and be and those are not good thoughts anymore.  I now look at smokers in some sort of amazement that they continue to doing harm to themselves -- and many times they look so lonely and at times agitated with what they are doing -- keeps me strong on my own quit at this time!!!

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6 hours ago, farmgirl said:

 Usually they're standing all by themselves and it doesn't look like much fun. It looks like a compulsion. 

 

I saw the lone smoker that I work with standing out in the rain feeding his addiction yesterday afternoon.

 

I don't miss one single thing about smoking.

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The title of this thread says it all. That's exactly what I feel now when I see some poor soul standing alone feeding their addiction while the world passes them by.

As Boo said; there's nothing to miss about smoking :) 

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