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kallisonmk

In need of guidance and advice...

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I need some guidance...
I'm going to tell you about myself and this may be long because I am complex (who isn't).
     I am a 39 yr old (40 in late May) mother & grandmother. I became addicted to cigarettes at age 12 so 27 years ago (geez). I am a chain smoker, I smoke 3 packs easily a day. I do not work outside of my home for several reasons however the main reason is I'm disabled from being ran over by a car which years later resulted in having Avascular Necrosis. I am also raising my only grandchild Ali who is 2 and a half years old. She is my everything.
     As for my personality... I am a very caring, empathetic, compassionate, honest, straightforward, blunt, set in my ways, stubborn and persistent, perfectionist. With that being said... Failure is my biggest fear and not an option with anything I do. On paper that's sounds like a good thing when it comes to making a decision and sticking to it. However, any perfectionist will tell you that we will actually subconsciously plan and plan for the PERFECT way to achieve our goal (to perfection) that it turns into procrastination. And while we are planning we start beating ourselves up for not completing our goals and failing which leads to the feeling of not being good enough, a failure... Then depression.
     I (and most perfectionists) do fantastic under pressure and deadlines that are set by others but struggle under deadlines set by ourselves... Examples... I knew that I needed to step in and get custody of my granddaughter Ali. So after filing for permanent custody there were set court dates that I KNEW I had to be prepared for. I studied the laws and for each and every court date I was meticulously prepared and in just 6 months I was granted FULL PERMANENT custody without ever hiring an attorney!
However, on the other hand, I am an EXTREME couponer and have decided to reorganize my coupon filing system... Which has lead to weeks of countless hours of me researching which file guides, boxes and folders are going to work best. Yes, I have spent WEEKS (I believe a month already) researching FILE FOLDERS!
     So as for quitting smoking I KNOW I Will be successful however my brain tells me ONLY if I do it the RIGHT way. Ugh! Which I know consciously there is no RIGHT way. I "feel" as though I need to research and research the absolute BEST WAY to quit however I know that will lead to everyday ALL DAY research for months!
     I have always told my kids that I would quit when I was 40 "I promise"... And I only use those words when I can guarantee it! 
I want to quit for all of the same reasons that everyone else has money, health blah blah blah, I, like most, have seen friends and family suffer serious health problems due to their smoking and don't want to follow suit... But the forefront reason for me is... I am starting over as though I'm in my 20s again raising a child. I was one year shy of an empty nester... I already have joint and bone disabilities and I NEED to stay as healthy as I can for Ali, she needs me! I don't want this beautiful girl to go to school stinking either. Plus I NEED to live as long as possible because we are sortof 15 years late with life, meaning, when she graduates I'll be in my mid-late fifties not early 40s, my great grandchildren will actually also be my grandchildren! I want to see ALI'S children grow up too!
     Oh real quick side note... When Ali was born I stopped smoking in my house so I significantly cut down to under a pack/day without issue so I KNOW I don't need to smoke as much as I do... However I'm back to in my house one cig after another 20/hrs a day.
     So back to my smoking and my questions... I listened to Jason Vale's app and the Freedom techniques and it sounds motivating.
With my personality should I set a date? Or just do it? Should I finish the pack? Or keep it? See having an opened pack makes me think "unfinished" but having absolutely no cigs in the house would make me feel like a forced jail and misery so I would go buy some. Maybe finish a pack but have an unopened pack? Should i cut down first? Perhaps start with smoking outside again? I'm a busy body and cannot just sit and do nothing so maybe force myself into if I'm having a cig it must be nothing else like the phone, tv, etc? I also have a girl who works for me who smokes... How to handle that? Ali goes to my mother's once a week overnight, should I quit when she's gone and life is calmer? Or when she is here so I am busier?
     Though this took me over an hour to type and proofread I have found it therapeutic and I may actually be coming up with ideas but I sure need advice.
Thank you ALL so much!

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Posted (edited)

Hello and welcome, kallisonmk.

It doesn't matter what type of personality you have,

everyone can have a successful quit by committing to NOPE,

Not One Puff Ever.

 

We are all nicotine addicts and all of know how important nicotine education is so, 

learn all you can about your addiction and commit to yourself, your quit and to NOPE.

You can quit.

We will support you all the way.

 

You may find this thread helpful

10 + Ways to Effectively Use This Forum To Help You Quit Smoking.

 

Edited by Sazerac
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8 minutes ago, kallisonmk said:

   I (and most perfectionists) do fantastic under pressure and deadlines that are set by others but struggle under deadlines set by ourselves...

Welcome aboard kallison, I'd be happy to set you a deadline. I pick March 18, 2019. I pick that day so you can start preparing. You see when I decided to quit I didn't set a deadline but I did start preparing by not smoking in places I normally smoked. That made it so much easier when I did quit because I didn't associate smoking with those areas anymore.

Another thing I used after I quit was my air cigarette. Whenever a bad crave hit I just pretended I was holding an actual cigarette in my fingers and then went through the motions of "smoking" it. It did great at tricking my mind into thinking I was getting the real thing.

Lastly I stayed glued to my forum everyday, all day. I really found that reading, supporting others, celebrating milestones and socializing kept my mind off my misery. You can do it and we'll help as much as we can :)

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Hi Kall and welcome to our family :)  I say family because we are all nicotine addicts just like you! Regardless of our individual personalities we all have the ability to quit smoking and finally say NO to this slavery that is nicotine addiction. It is the clear path to longevity in terms of both health and wealth. Saying "that's enough!" to nicotine addiction will not only likely extend your life but it will empower you in ways you can not even imagine right now.  

 

Don't over think it - just do it ...Quit smoking and take it 1 day at a time. You will never regret it I promise you that.  You will find great support here on Quit Train because we are all just like you; we are quitters too! Remember 1 day at a time - NOPE is your new mantra. Not One Puff Ever! It's that simple :) 

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Thank you all for replying so quickly. I am going to look thru the links provided and I also seen the posts with videos of great significance... I'm going to watch. While listening to the app and the why we were tricked I honestly didn't want to smoke however after going to sleep and waking (I was still ok)... A few hours later my brain kicked in with "you never do well with spur of the moment decisions- you need to plan ahead"... Then of course I lit up... Which lead me to you... So not entirely a bad thing 😃

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I think you will find a support group who really understand exactly what you are going through is a great asset to you in your effort to break free of this addiction.

Knowledge and support are key components to not only quitting but most importantly ..... staying quit!

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41 minutes ago, reciprocity said:

I think you will find a support group who really understand exactly what you are going through is a great asset to you in your effort to break free of this addiction.

Knowledge and support are key components to not only quitting but most importantly ..... staying quit!

I agree with you 100%...

I never liked hearing that this addiction cannot be ended with just will power and support. I knew that if you put your mind to it you could. However the best chance you have "putting your mind to it" is learning about it... Which I'm trying to do

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I'm curious how you all quit?

Did you plan ahead and set a date? Or spur of the moment?

Did you do it during busy days to stay busy or say the weekend so you can sleep more?

What was your worst day? How did you handle it?

Did you keep track of your smoking beforehand so you could keep track of your progress?

Did you implement a reward system? What for? Overcoming a craving? A day? A week? Money?

What did you do for the physical craving? And the psychological "wanting" a cig?

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Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, kallisonmk said:

I'm curious how you all quit?

Did you plan ahead and set a date? Or spur of the moment?

spur of the moment, although I knew for a couple of months that I was ready to quit so started preparing like I said above

Did you do it during busy days to stay busy or say the weekend so you can sleep more?

I quit on memorial day weekend, a three day holiday

What was your worst day? How did you handle it?

everyone is different so my worse day will not be yours but there may be some pretty hard day's, and we'll be here to help you past them

Did you keep track of your smoking beforehand so you could keep track of your progress?

I went from 15 cigarettes a day to zero and got a quit smoking app for my kindle and lurked on the forum until I finally became a member three weeks later. The best decision of my quit :)

Did you implement a reward system? What for? Overcoming a craving? A day? A week? Money?

rewards are super important, I did monthly treats to celebrate. 

What did you do for the physical craving? And the psychological "wanting" a cig?

I stayed glued to the forum and used my JAC (jillars air cigarette) as needed for craves.

 

Edited by jillar
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23 minutes ago, kallisonmk said:

I'm curious how you all quit?

I used the NRT patch/gum.

Did you plan ahead and set a date? Or spur of the moment?

I had my last poison stick just before I went to hospital due to having had a stroke! I asked for the NRT patch while in hospital....they gladly provided it and then set me up  with a program run by the state I live in (New York) that provided me with an additional 2 weeks of NRT patches....then I purchased the additional weeks on my own. I was on the patch for about 18 weeks.

Did you do it during busy days to stay busy or say the weekend so you can sleep more?

I had no choice as I was headed to the hospital...can't smoke there!

What was your worst day? How did you handle it?

Worst day was the day I had the stroke...I handled it by deep breathing and meditating while in hospital bed awaiting further tests, an angioplasty and then the carotid stent procedure . 

Did you keep track of your smoking beforehand so you could keep track of your progress?

I smoked a pack a day for 40+ years. After the hospitalization for the stroke, when I got home I threw out 2 unopened cartons and several packs of poison sticks and I never smoked again! On the QTrain forum, I set up my "ticker" which keeps track of the number of days/years I have been smoke-free and number of poison sticks I have not put in my mouth and lit on fire!

Did you implement a reward system? What for? Overcoming a craving? A day? A week? Money?

I take it one day at a time...and my reward is looking better, feeling better each and every day...and surviving a CABGx3 (triple bypass) about 14 months AFTER I quit! 

What did you do for the physical craving? And the psychological "wanting" a cig?

I drank a lot of water, did a lot of walking and played solitaire online endlessly...also found a forum (like QTrain) where I could educate myself about my nicotine addiction and commiserate with people going through what I was going through. I will admit the psychological part was the toughest for me but I took to heart what everyone on the forums said...that it will get better, just take it one day at a time! I tried to get as much sleep as possible!!!

 

kallisonmk,

 

You have found a good forum for starting your smoke-free journey here! Read, read, read as much as you can. Watch the videos. Participate in the forums! Buckle in for the ride of your life! 😎  

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Hi

 

You like blunt so here it is.

 

How to Quit.

 

1) Don't put things in your mouth and set fire to them  Starting Now.

2) stick close to this board and read widely to understand your addiction and get tips on how to stay quit,

3)If your struggling post an SOS and wait for support (its pretty much available 24/7.

 

 

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You might benefit from reading Allen Carr’s book the Easy Way to stop smoking. He advises you to continue to smoke as you read the book. Once you finish the book, that’s it.  Couple his book with being active in a quit smoking forum is how I quit & have stayed quit. 

 

Set it your mind to quit and quit.  Never look back. No matter what happens in life, smoking is not an option. 

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Welcome aboard Kall.....

You can do it ..all you need is the desire to be smoke free...knowledge... This is what you fight the Monster with ....Read everything here..watch all Joels videos...

I smoked 52 years ..I did it with the help of these good people ...

I agree with the AllenCarr book...this guy has helped millions quit ,me included....

Your little granddaughter will never remember you were a smoker ,if you quit now ...lets get this  done ...

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Welcome Kall... yep get you on the perfectionist thing... oh the lists, the lists for the lists, the lists to plan the lists for the list... oh dear there went the self imposed deadline. OK...to answer your questions:

 

Did you plan ahead and set a date? Or spur of the moment?

Spur of the moment, basically enough money for 1 pack of smokes before pay day but 1 pack would not last until the money came in OR buy a pack of nrt gum which would last me until payday and as soon as the money hit the account buy meself some smokes... except I went well I've gone 3 days.... lets see how many I can go before I smoke... well, well, well pretty confident that will be never, that I smoke.

Did you do it during busy days to stay busy or say the weekend so you can sleep more?

Busy days.... I was one of those quitters who did not need to sleep more, well I probably did but quitting sent me into a 5 month insomnia bought from hell.

What was your worst day? How did you handle it?

Day 3 was hard but I knew I was getting money the next day to buy smokes, day 4 was better so I didn't.... week 3 was hard so I googled online support and found a forum similar to this one and spent heaps of time playing the games.....and then on day 26 I lost my friend in an accident and spent the night with his wife while she chain smoked and while my 11yo daughter held her daughter 11yo and they cried, that was the single hardest day and I handled it by repeating to myself over and over that smoking would not bring him back, it wouldn't help anything.

Did you keep track of your smoking beforehand so you could keep track of your progress?

NOPE, because I was never going to quit.... I just knew a pack of 40 smokes did not last me 2 days. I did keep track of my NRT gum use and graphed the times I had one and how long I could go without one and if I had used less than the day before and if I was on track to be off the chewies too.

Did you implement a reward system? What for? Overcoming a craving? A day? A week? Money?

Yeah, nah.... I got a t-shirt printed every month for the first year... but no real rewards for the other stuff.

What did you do for the physical craving? And the psychological "wanting" a cig?

OK I knew (had a previous long term quit that I tossed away) that for me the bigger battle was the psychological and all the patterns I have programmed myself... So I used NRT gum for the first 12 or so weeks for me it too the edge off so I could deal with the psychological / habitual aspect of my quit first so that I could then focus on the physical side. I 'smoked' pens (don't drag back too hard or you'll get a blue smile).... I chewed normal gum (in a flavour I hate.. didn't want a new habit).... I sucked on hard lollies (sweets/candy)... I wore an elastic band around my wrist and flicked it really hard so that my brain would associate bad pain with the thought of smoking (yeah I'm not normal either)... I played the games in the social thread for hours and hours.... I devised a plan for Staya to take over the world and become the global superpower and leader, I did budget projections... its a long term plan... and very hush hush... because it really is feasible. 

 

So in case you didn't catch on I'm one of the few Aussies on the board... and I defo fall into the not quit right catagory.... I only mention it cos I tend to type a lot of slang or Aussie terms which leave nearly everyone scratchin their heads.... if you ever need a translation just ask, it wont offend me, and I do a pretty good translation service.

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Posted (edited)

After 40 something years, I quit cold turkey Five Years ago,  On A Whim

 

I lurked here and there for 10 months after quitting, educating myself on my Nicotine Addiction.

 

I watched Joel's videos and all the Smoking/Tobacco Documentaries


I committed to NOPE,  NOPE~ Never/Ever/Forever

 

Dig these,

 

First Week, Nicotine Free

 

Sometimes a crave is just your body signalling another message

Riffing On H.A.L.T.

 

When are you going to quit ?

 

 

Edited by Sazerac
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Start where you are - jump!

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So there you have it Kall. There are many road that lead to Rome (so to speak). Must haves from my perspective are: a steadfast commitment to yourself starting the day you quit, information about nicotine addiction (lots of that here) and a support system to help you along your journey, which exists here among a community of quitters. 

 

This place is custom built to help people who truly want to quit smoking. All you or anyone needs to supply is the commitment and doing the actual work of quitting. 

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kallisonmk, welcome aboard for this journey.  I had thought about quitting for some time, but it really came on spur of the moment -- I was truly tired of smoking and smoking had gotten the best of me -- it was time.  Read what is on this site, educate yourself, read others experiences from the forum and come here a  lot.  If you like to plan -- plan to come here each day to learn and reach out to others -- we will be here to help as much as we can.  It is tough but it is doable.  Air cigarettes and lots of cold water to drink help greatly!!!

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Even though you say you are a perfectionist I can't help but wonder if you are just someone who enjoys planning more than doing. The problem is that with all the reading and planning you suddenly look up and realise another three months have passed. 

 

My own experience is you can over think quitting. I would say pick a date and just go for it. Spend your first week reading everything you can. Saz has a link to how to use this forum effectively and most of what you need is in there. 

 

Be daring - pick a day and just run with it 😀

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18 hours ago, kallisonmk said:

I'm curious how you all quit?

 

I stopped putting cigarettes in my mouth and setting them on fire.  The process is really just that simple.

 

18 hours ago, kallisonmk said:

Did you plan ahead and set a date? Or spur of the moment?

 

I planned ahead.  If I had it to do over again, I wouldn't bother with all that.  I planned for things that never happened and was surprised by some things that did happen.  All of my planning went out the window when the real action started.

 

18 hours ago, kallisonmk said:

Did you do it during busy days to stay busy or say the weekend so you can sleep more?

 

I quit on a Wednesday, right in the middle of the week.  Being busy did help insofar as it kept the obsessive thoughts at bay for a bit.  I'm not gonna lie to you, that first weekend without the smokes was a bit uncomfortable.  However, I not only lived to tell about but also realize it was a vital step in the process.  Well worth the effort.

 

18 hours ago, kallisonmk said:

What was your worst day? How did you handle it?

 

 That first Friday evening.  I quit cold turkey and the 48-72 hour mark is a time when cravings tend to peak.  That and the fact that it was the beginning of a weekend and I still didn't know what to do with myself without cigarettes.

 

How did I handle it?  I paced around.  Cussed a lot.  Did push-ups to exhaustion.  Things got a little heavy that night, but again...in hindsight I recognize it was well worth the effort.

 

18 hours ago, kallisonmk said:

Did you keep track of your smoking beforehand so you could keep track of your progress?

 

I went from smoking on average 25-30 cigarettes daily to smoking 0 cigarettes.  There really wasn't much to track.

 

18 hours ago, kallisonmk said:

Did you implement a reward system? What for? Overcoming a craving? A day? A week? Money?

 

I kept track of the money I was saving and treated myself to some stuff I wanted.  Set up my first home gym.  Bought a new canoe.  I was spending more than I was saving there for a while, but that was more motivation to stay quit.  I knew if I stayed smoke-free eventually the savings would catch up with my spending.

 

18 hours ago, kallisonmk said:

What did you do for the physical craving? And the psychological "wanting" a cig?

 

Physical cravings: Exercise and deep breathing.

 

Psychological cravings: At first, I fought like hell against those feelings.  Eventually, I learned to just dismiss them outright.  Dismissal is preferential to the fighting, no point getting yourself all worked up over something that you have complete control over.

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20 hours ago, kallisonmk said:

 I (and most perfectionists) do fantastic under pressure and deadlines that are set by others but struggle under deadlines set by ourselves.

 

I "practiced" not smoking in certain places (car, etc.) since, like you, I smoked in my house and almost everywhere else.  So let's go with Jillar's March 18th deadline and you can practice not smoking in certain situations up until then and also read up on the nature of the addiction itself.  So now you have deadlines set by others.  Seriously, just go with it.  Quitting is mind over matter, and overthinking (as opposed to educating yourself) will make it harder.  You can do this.  

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There is one-and-only-one "right way".  Namely: Stop smoking and never smoke again. 

All else is noise, confusion, and distraction. 

 

 

EZPZ

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sgt Barney has basically the best answer.

The long and short is you quit feeding your nicotine habit, but also for the love of all that is good- DO NOT TAKE UP VAPE! Oh yes, they are pushing like hell for smokers to quit by switching to vape. That is "out of the frying pan and into the fire".

 

But, for some "noise"

On 3/13/2019 at 11:28 PM, kallisonmk said:

I'm curious how you all quit?  Cold turkey. NO money wasted on pills, patches, therapy, none of that silly stuff. I told the "nicodemon" some things I cannot type here since I really do not want to hear from the mods again.

 

Did you plan ahead and set a date? Or spur of the moment? I planned to quit Oct 2nd 2017. Failed after 4 hours. So, I cut back and set my quit date to Oct 6th. Haven't had a puff since.

 

Did you do it during busy days to stay busy or say the weekend so you can sleep more? I quit Friday so I would have three days ti suffer the initial shock in peace. Weekends off work.

 

What was your worst day? How did you handle it? The day  started army basic training. WAIT, you mean quit smoking related? Three months in, basically rested the temptation. Oh it sucked.

 

Did you keep track of your smoking beforehand so you could keep track of your progress? I knew I smoked about 30 a day, but it was RYO so they were cheap.

 

Did you implement a reward system? What for? Overcoming a craving? A day? A week? Money? Not really. Not having to smell the nast of smoking, being able to breathe, and having more money to throw away at thrift stores was it's own reward.

 

What did you do for the physical craving? And the psychological "wanting" a cig? Gotta be strong.

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