KEL

That's positively frightening.

Now this is an interesting thread! I love the fact that everyone has different ways of approaching things. The proof, in my opinion, is in the pudding. I like the NOPE pledge because it makes me accountable, to my word, to this group. I also admit (daily) that I am powerless over nicotine (alcohol) and that my life is unmanageable. 

I found in my booze quit that I lost the desire completely after a few years. At the 10-year mark, I gave myself permission to drink again. Ironies of all ironies, I did not want it. And I was at a very low place in my life with everything circling the drain. 

I agree that you can pledge all day long and it means nothing. But I also agree that its important to take steps in the right direction, to show up each day with intention to remain abstinent and to focus on the benefits of doing so.

As addicts, we are all just one puff from a relapse. I don't think that is scary; I believe that fact forces me to work on myself and show up for other people because that is what helps me to feel worthwhile and included.

LOVE THIS. And it is true. It does get easier.

@KrisIts a perfect time of the year to consider our co-dependency. Particularly as women, there is a tendency (and a necessity with small children) to manage others' lives, their choices, their responsibilities. I know that I am not only an addict but a co-dependent. In the rooms they call this a "double-winner." I too "helped" because I was asked, because I could, because there was no one else to do it and it needed to be done. But, upon reflection, it also served as a way for me to feel "better than" others. When they didn't appreciate me, I got to play victim/martyr. Truth is, we are all responsible for our own experience. In our choice to show up for the others, it must be with the firm understanding that they do not "owe" us anything. We do it because it makes us feel good and that is reward in and of itself. When our doing "good" for others causes us to neglect our well-being, its another addiction. 

Smoking is no different from any other drug addiction. As addicts, we tend to attract relationships that are dysfunctional because we are. Now that does not mean we are unloveable or failures. Its means we are human. So let's not beat ourselves up too much ok? And one thing at a time. 

Thanks for the candor. And, BTW, it did matter. You matter.