MLMR

Just had an appointment with my gp. She confirmed what I already feared: arthrosis in my hands, ankles and most likely knees. As a result of hypermobility. Been having joint pain/stiffness for over ten years, but I professionally ignored it, or thought it had to do with my mental health problems. So, uhm, yeah … have to make a plan for the long run (HA-HA but no) I guess. Got a referral for photos of both knees. Will be seeing a podiatrist. After that, gonna make a plan together with a medical physiotherapist to increase muscle strength but also to get to know my physical boundaries better and not lose myself in either pushing the limits, or exercise as little as possible. Balance, not really my thing. We also talked about quitting smoking and how disappointed I was after two weeks of non-smoking and pain because of excessive walking, while at the same time it felt so good mentally. Its sinking in that this will require a lifestyle change. Its a all bit overwhelming tbh. But I guess once thats over, this will help me figure out how I can start to take better care of my self.

@Cbdave Thanks for this post!

Dear quittrainers, just a quick note to let you know that im giving up quitting for now. Simply can’t muster up the energy at this moment. I am not content with that, but I have to give myself some slack at this point. My mental health is too wobbly and there’s too much happening at once. The thing is, I do know that for every reason I’d give for this ‘decision’, there’s a million counter reasons. And it makes me feel like an ass, because I KNOW my addictbrain is in the lead now. And eventually there’s only one way -> forward. I soooo much regret the days after my 4+ and 5+ year quit where i somehow thought it was a good plan to light up again. I’ll be back for sure. Thanks a lot for the support.

Nope

Nope.

Ok, choice is mine I wrote earlier. Im super nervous and I despise that. Got to become friends with me again. Starting now. So, nope.

Thanks. That tone is whats frightening me the most. Im very afraid of becoming this ugly, moodswinging person. Thanks for saying that. I am ALSO very afraid of lung cancer and everyrthing else that is smoke related misery. Just read that Erwin Olaf died after a lung transplantation, after having lung emphysema. He was the most talented photographer in the Netherlands ever. Must be horrific for his loved ones. Sh*t.

Hey Thanks for asking. Not too good. Not really sure how to stay motivated. Going back and forth between, have another go, just do it and: what does it matter anyway.

Not sure what to say at all this. Thanks. But I am so embarassed and mad. I am going camping with a friend for the next five days. She has copd and has been a big motivator for the last couple of weeks. People I know died of lung cancer. Ive seen people struggle with other addictions, in friendships and through work. And I can’t even handle this one myself. Have been quit before, for years. Watched everything there is to see about addiction. Why on earth can’t I control myself ffs's. It’s insane. @Brioski the straw was me, my ego, I guess, can’t blame the situation. Felt unseen, unheard. A bit pathetic, tbh. Grrrrrrr.

So, I relapsed. What a sh*t show this is. All went so well, untill it didnt. I am mad and a bit empty. How can I be SO straight forward, hard working and true to myself for more than two weeks and then suddenly give up? Did the work, figured out where I went wrong. Its almost like I am two different persons in a 5 minute time span. I dont want to smoke, I want to be healthy, free and proud! Djiez! I friggin hate this. Really do. Let myself down again.. unbelievable. I dont want to be that person who tries/fails/tries/fails again. And yet, here we are. Smoking ruins my spirit, and shoot, did I forgot. Not a special snowflake. Dust off, buckle up and go. Damnit. Sorry for my cursing. Cant believe I am actually writing this.

Nope

Wow. This is a great, self caring way to secure your quit. This means you wish yourself truth and health. I wish you just that. Have a good time, do what you need to. Its ok to experience every second of it, greeting it like you said. Again, wow.

Nope

Today marks two weeks, Yesss. Been a ride, so far. Stupid things make me cry (like two motorcyclists greeting each other, wtf thats beautiful! Or breaking a wine glass. Ohhh noooooooo. Why me. ) and I have so much more energy. How have there been 24 hours in a day before and how have I been smoking so many of them away? As if life would wait for me..? Also: had plenty moments where I thought, ok cave now and regret later, you know this could be breaking point. Just. Dont. Do. It. Different situations need different solutions, thats an encouraging thought. Over all I am doing really ok. As If Im removing some dust layers. I take long walks every day! Went to the dunes and sea early this morning, saw the sun rise. Astonishing. I sleep well. I dont have any major moodswings, such a relief. My mental health is… ok. Wow. What helped is that i built in new habits from day one: starting the day with a glass of water, then herbal tea. After lunch/dinner I immediately clean up and do something extra: a drawer, cleaning a pair of shoes (:p), whatever, really. When something challenging happens, I check how I feel about it, and what I need to get through that moment without a smoke. I try not to linger on the thought of a cigarette, not even for a second. Distraction, distraction, think beautiful things. It helps. The replies to my sos were so helpfull, read them repeatedly. Theres so much gold here to be found. Thanks a lot!

Nope!

Nope

Nope!

NOPE!

Thanks all for replying. Im almost embarrased now. I went to the beach, took a very long walk. It helped. I would love to answer in my own language now, cant find the words. It was tough. Made it though. Thanks again, so much.

Hi. I hope it will helpt to write this off my chest. Im having such a bad day, same as yesterday. The cravings keep on coming, its way worse than the first week. Nothing seems to help for long -> cold water, distraction, breathing. Not sure If I want to yell or cry. I keep telling myself theres no danger, as long as I dont actually light up. What a nasty addiction, bahhh.

Nope!

Ha Bri, brilliant and true. They go away if you smoke and they go away if you dont smoke. Spot on. The choice is mine. Glad I survived the day. I feel my baby quit is worth more to me every day, and overcoming cravings really matters. Djiez I want to put on some schlagermusic and cry haha. Omg. The drama.

Exactly this. Gif made me laugh, thanks!

Hello Kdad, I remember you from a few years back. Sorry to hear you divorced - and relapsed. I did too, took me a good 2,5 years to pick myself back up again. Must be a difficult time for you atm. Wishing you all the best, and let us know how we can help you! I for one know that you can do it all over again!

These cravings, ffs!!!! Ahhhhhh!!!!! Grrrrr. Omg omg omg. Tonight I’ll be relieved and proud. Right now I am aaaallll over the place. Pfiewww.