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Death In The West - The Marlboro Story (Full Documentary)

Lilly

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Blog Entries posted by Lilly

  1. Lilly

    Week Two

    By Lilly,

    I sailed through the first week but this week has been a lot harder.
     
    On Day 9 I became obsessed with the "have I quit too late" thought. I had read a few personal stories where people had got a smoking related health problem after they had quit, and the seed of fear spiralled out of control in my mind. I don't really regret anything in my life but I do regret relapsing so many times. 
     
    I don't think I can ignore the damage smoking does or that it is a killer. I do think though I need to start focusing on the other benefits to quitting besides health. Fear and sadness at what could happen, or that other people are going through can end up being quite destructive. Positivity is a big part of any success. 
     
    The rest of the week has been pretty tough going and it's as though my brain has split into two. Quit half is full of knowledge and knows that quitting is the best thing I have ever done. When this half is in charge I am at my happiest. Smoker half clearly still has a lot of catching up to do as it is constantly trying to justify why I should go and buy a packet of cigarettes. The internal debates are relentless and it has become quite overwhelming.  
     
    I love the Joel Spitzer quote below. This week it definitely would have been easy to go back. I'm extra proud I have got through smoke free as it has been challenging. I've needed friends to reassure me and hold me up but I'm walking into the third week. 
     
    The factor that really shows the addiction is not how hard or how easy it is to quit. What really shows the addiction is how universally easy it is to go back - Joel Spitzer
     
     

  2. Lilly

    Week One

    By Lilly,

    Today I am celebrating my first week of freedom ?
     
    I have bought lots of great food and just plan on relaxing and enjoying the day (will obviously watch the Joel Spitzer videos for today at some point).
     
    I thought about what reward I could give myself to mark this special day, then I realised I have already given myself the greatest gift of all .......... I quit smoking ?
     

  3. Lilly

    Day 6

    By Lilly,

    Day 6 is done.  As always I watched the Joel Spitzer videos for today and then was out for the rest of the day.
     
    I am amazed by my stats. Look at all those cigarettes not smoked in 6 days ??  I worked it out and I won't be setting alight £389.00 a month.
     
    The benefits just keep coming ?  
     

  4. Lilly

    Day 5

    By Lilly,

    I watched my Day 5 Joel Spitzer video today.
     
    Had a few smoking thoughts but got through. 
     
    I am now in Day 6.
  5. Lilly

    Day 4

    By Lilly,

    Today I read my Day 4 material from Joel Spitzer as usual, but I also learnt something by myself. 
     
    The last three days were tough in places and if there was a day to throw in the towel it would have been yesterday. I woke up this morning and I realised I felt great.  
     
    If I had given up on this quit yesterday I wouldn't have experienced the great day I had today. 
     
    I am now in Day 5.
  6. Lilly

    Day 3

    By Lilly,

    Day 3 was difficult as I have been extremely emotional. I am not sure if I can explain my feelings in words but will try. 
     
    I was watching my Day 3 videos by Joel Spitzer and there was one that I had watched before. When I watched it the first time I felt sad but continued to smoke. When I watched it earlier it brought out feelings in me that I didn't even realise were there. 
     
    After watching it today I sobbed for hours for my own mum. I watched my mum die due to smoking and then I smoked my way through her death, her funeral and then during a very long period of grief. 
     
    Today I feel as though I am going through a second cycle of grief. My beautiful mum was taken from us because she was addicted to smoking. This thought has tortured me most of the day and my heart is breaking for her. 
     
    I'm seeing this addiction for what it really is and I'm angry. I'm keeping that anger for another day though as today I need to cry only for my mum. 
     
    I'm now in Day 4.
  7. Lilly

    Day 2

    By Lilly,

    Day 2 is done but today I felt a little less upbeat than yesterday. 
     
    The ulcer in my mouth seems to have moved it's friends in. I can now feel a few ulcers which is making eating virtually impossible due to the pain. I'm drinking plenty but I think I really could do with a proper meal. I thought I would have some soup tonight but for some reason I didn't even enjoy it. I don't know if that's because of the ulcers, if my taste buds are changing or if it's the two tubes of Bonjela I have tucked in my cheeks.
     
    In a perverse way I'm actually enjoying what withdrawal is bringing. This is the worst quit physically I have ever had but I stuck it out and another day is done. 
     
    I watched all the Joel Spitzer Day 2 videos today and gained more knowledge to keep me focused on the end goal. 
     
    I'm now in Day 3.
  8. Lilly

    Day 1

    By Lilly,

    The first day is done and I am giving myself a massive pat on the back and having my own little celebration. 
     
    I'm really proud that I got through today. Mentally wasn't too bad and physically it was bearable. Only negative is I have a really big ulcer in my mouth which is so painful and no amount of Bonjela will help. 
     
    Joel Spitzer has put together videos to watch during the first week which are on the link below. I watched all the Day 1 section today and learnt so much, plus it was a great way to keep busy. 
     
    I'm now in Day 2.
     
    https://whyquit.com/joel/index-guide.html
     
     
     
  9. Lilly

    Continuous Relapsing

    By Lilly,

    I have been in a constant cycle of quit/relapse/quit/relapse for such a long time and it's exhausting. 
     
    If you are in that relapse cycle too and really want to quit, educate yourself properly by watching the Joel Spitzer videos on this forum, head over to the WhyQuit website to watch even more and spend lots of time here for support, encouragement and distraction.
     
    A good starting point if you are planning to quit is on the link below. 
     
    https://whyquit.com/joel/dayzero.htm
     
     
     
  10. Lilly

    This Has To Be My Quit Song

    By Lilly,

    This is my fight song
    Take back my life song
    Prove I'm alright song
    My power's turned on
    Starting right now I'll be strong
    I'll play my fight song
    And I don't really care if nobody else believes
    Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me
     
    By Rachel Platten 

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