jillar

holy moly, 9 years quit (& 2 days) 

I deleted my original message because there was too much information about myself.

I deleted my original message because there was too much information about myself.

going over to Walgreens to pick up my patches. 

7 (thought I was 8 days late for my 6th but then realised I'm a year out lol)  

Is the site down or locked?

Kris

hi jillars at the moment im about to watch a film and a cold can  of beer just relaxing might have a bit of choc choc KEEP THE FAITH

Just wanted you to know that I filled in my 'Interests' section. I didn't want to steal(borrow?) too many good ideas from you! Have a wonderful day!

I haven't been able to post anything in the 'about me' section in my profile for some reason, so I wrote a lot in my introduction post if you're interested!

I haven't been able to post anything in the 'about me' section in my profile for some reason, so I wrote a lot in my introduction post if you're interested!

I haven't been able to post anything in the 'about me' section in my profile for some reason, so I wrote a lot in my introduction post if you're interested!

I haven't been able to post anything in the 'about me' section in my profile for some reason, so I wrote a lot in my introduction post if you're interested!

So this post is purely to explain where I vanished to...so where did I go?..... too far into my own head...Did I smoke, NOPE!!

So I have a daily battle with anxiety just to walk out my front door, once I'm out I'm usually fine it's just getting out and interacting with that first person....then I'm usually OK until I get home and then the walls close in and the anxiety and doubt starts and I rehash every single interaction from the day from every angle.. so lockdown not so good for me..since late 2019 I have really struggled with my mental health including some suicidal episodes, my health/medications were the trigger but there were underlying things within my character and history and anxieties that fed my freefall. 2020-21 has been really bad for me...I left my job, which I hated, for what I hoped was greener pastures but instead was bad, bad, bad...all my psychological triggers hot switched and I basically worked if I was awake....I was doing more unpaid hours a week than paud hours and being criticised constantly because I wasn't working enough...which just fed that little voice in my head telling me how pathetic I am etc...I couldn't come here because I didn't have time (in my mind) and I couldn't be anything other than negative about anything...every day I saw or heard things that reminded me of here and the guilt I felt by vanishing weighed heavier and heavier and the need to come buck burnt more each day. So in August my radio station started spruiking Aus Music Month...and the happy voice in my head, thr one that had been squashed and silenced for nearly 2 years went, "Oi dipshit, Aus Music Month, one song a day, get your arse back on the train"..and I started working on a play list...a few days later I quit the job from he'll on a whim...then one of the dearest friends I've ever had, but never met, went on a campaign of sms to put a cracker up my arse to get me back, then I landed a new job, strict hours easier work, more money, win, win, win... and here I am back. Where I feel I belong, where I've just been accepted back, no questions, no awkwardness, as if I didn't vanish and ghost you all. Am I better?, will I ever be, probably not, and I making changes to improve things yep....Fark I missed you mob, every frickin day..

So that's why I vanished, my brains broken and I thought you deserved better than my presence (see brains broke)... I know, and I've always known you mob don't care and accept all my crazy, just need to do it myself.

Finally, to all my friends here, which us pretty much the lot of you, I am sorry. Sorry I vanished. Sorry despite knowing in my heart you wouldn't care that I couldn't be miss positivity and sunshine you mob wouldn't care I ran and hid. It was a shitty thing to do and the fact you have welcomed me back as I never left just proves what wonderful amazing people you all are.

Dear Jillar,

First let me say I love your profile pic, I am a April born Aries, so Easter would fall close to my birthday.  My mom and sis would always give me a bunny related gift, even my own real life bunny. I would love to volunteer but I suffer from chronic migraines so it is hard to keep any kind of schedule.

As far as the dog fostering I would take them all.  I have three, two rescues I adopted(they are small dogs) then my best friend passed April 2020.  His brothers did not want to take his dog so he came to his next forever home with me. He is a 80# pureblood chow. He is the sweetest thing but hard for me with the bad hip. He loves to jump and play.

K

I picked up 2 week supply of 21mg PATCH for 5th & 6th week. 

The first time the pharmacy gave me 28 21mg Patches to last 4 weeks.

I expected the lower dose this time so not sure why I got 21mg and only 2 weeks instead of 4 weeks. 

Tomorrow I begin my 5th week, even though I have had troubling days, it is a miracle I am able to do this. 

I just cannot cave to this addiction ever. 

The pull is strong. Since Saturday this has been one tough week. 4 days in a row (days 23,24,25,26, have been the toughest yet) 

The pull is strong. Since Saturday this has been one tough week. 4 days in a row (days 23,24,25,26, have been the toughest yet) 

Love you Robin. 

Hip hip hooray! Two weeks tomorrow! Cannot believe I have gotten this far.....Not been easy though....

Hip hip hooray! Two weeks tomorrow! Cannot believe I have gotten this far.....Not been easy though....

Hip hip hooray! Two weeks tomorrow! Cannot believe I have gotten this far.....Not been easy though....

Hi thanks for the ticker info but I don't know what I'm doing wrong but I couldn't get it to work. I am not real tech savy

Hi thanks for the ticker info but I don't know what I'm doing wrong but I couldn't get it to work. I am not real tech savy

Hi thanks for the ticker info but I don't know what I'm doing wrong but I couldn't get it to work. I am not real tech savy

Hi thanks for the ticker info but I don't know what I'm doing wrong but I couldn't get it to work. I am not real tech savy