Oldybutmouldy

So I've spent a little while doing something that always manages to pick my mood up (watching feelgood stuff on you tube), and am feeling a little better now.

Spending time on you tube watching some amazing people...   so am just going to try something I know we used to be able to do on QSMB, and if it turns out ok, hoping it is not against forum rules (have not checked to see), but don't remember anything in the stuff I've seen previously.    

This amazing young girl reminds me so very much in so many ways of my god daughter Zoe, who died of breast cancer in august.   They are both beautiful strong women....

8 minutes ago, jillar said:

Hi oldy, I know how the death of a parent can bring you down around thei anniversary of it. My dad died on Valentines day 2002. For years I didn't buy my husband not even a card as I didn't' see it as anything but the day my dad died. Your mum's death, especially around Christmas is still pretty new and I can understand how when it comes around it's like it just happened all over again  

Venting on here, posting and participating is a great way to get things off your chest. If you don't feel like your quit is in jeopardy we have an Off the Record board that you can post on. Our socializing board has lots of good topics too. Oh and if you're looking for distractions from smoking posts, those two boards and the games board have lots to keep you occupied  

I'm glad you're spending time with the kids, it must be such a help to their dad. Try to have a Merry Christmas and we'll be here if you need us. xoxo

8 minutes ago, Sazerac said:

Please do come here and post anything you choose to.

We have games and a social section

and a place 'off the record' that you can post on threads like 'can we just have a friggin' swearing thread'.

Feel free to post EVERYWHERE.

You will help people out there/in here with your experience.

You also may want to start yourself a blog here, where you can keep it private if you wish or not.

 

Please find yourself some Joy this season and be really really really PROUD of your wonderful quit !

Thank you both....   I suppose I just need to stay in here a little while and find my way around the different places - at least it will give me something to try to concentrate on and help with the distraction techniques!

Thank you all, so very much....  really appreciate this place and all you lovely helpful peeps right now.

NOPE!  I don't smoke....

Thank you all for your responses - I really appreciate them.   I guess I am also struggling more with my depressive illness also right now.  My mum died on 20th Dec. 2015, so Christmas time is now also not a very easy time for me anymore.

I am going over to my goddaughters to help look after the children mostly every other weekend currently, to give their dad and their grandma a bit of a break.  I know I will continue to not smoke, as it has cost me a lot to get this far, but as I said at the beginning, I just feel so lost and alone right now.   Knowing this community is here where I feel I can at least let a little of that out is very helpful.....  so thanks again for that.

I used to access QSMB previously to help me when I first quit, but it seems that forum is no longer available.  I am really glad I also signed up on this forum.  I think maybe I will see if there is a 'pointless' section on here where I can just ramble and release some of my pain rather than on the SOS board.

I normally shut myself away from life and most connections with people when I am really struggling like I am currently, but I will try to keep coming in here, if only to just read and maybe react to some posts.  I am also spending some time just watching Joel's videos again, and that is helping me.  Unfortunately, mainly due to the fibro, but also to some degree to the CFS, going for walks to release some of the stress is no longer a real option for me.   Guess I will just have to stick to parking in a field gate and going and sitting in the field whilst throwing a ball for my lovely dog will just have to keep me going on that level.

I hope you all have the kind of Christmas you like best.

Kind regards.....   J

It's my one year quit and I am finding just typing this really hard.

Life over the last few months has thrown me a couple of curve balls that I am having a hard time coming to terms with, and earlier today I found myself wanting to go out and buy a pack of ciggies for the first time in over 8 months. 

My goddaughter died in August leaving 3 children all under 11.  I was really struggling with a job I love and had to give notice and finished just last week.  One daughter is agoraphobic and the other one is pretty depressed so needs a lot of support right now and on top of this I have Fibromyalgia and CFS, the symptoms of which have really been making a nuisance of themselves for a while.

I am finding it really hard to distract myself and cannot seem to settle to anything and keep hopping from one thing to another like a demented parrot. I just feel lost and a little out of control.

Did I get the booger off the end of my nose yet??

Not One Puff Ever  again......    Happy New Year to you all...   

Fantastic job...

Way to go Jules.....

Yeah.....   just grab the rail and hang on....   keep coming in to NOPE each day, and educate yourself... Joel's video's are de best!

Welcome John....   I learned early, as you probably also did, that there is no i in team....   great that you use 'I will'... but remember the last word...   will!  

You are right.... you made it through afghanistan then you can also do this....   the board will be here, as the info is also here.  Use Joel's video's till you can repeat them word for word.

Take care and safe hugs... J

So that's who nicked the blasted turkey;;;;;

How do I express myself without pictures..

I reach deep down inside myself and give myself permission to feel…   to touch the feelings deep down that are hidden…  others may be able to see them, but I can’t see…   so HAVE to feel them.

My feelings are deep, they are sometimes nasty…. They are often scarey.  They hurt goddammit…   and how can I express that without the bloody pictures I like to paste out there in front of my face…

My mask, is so real to me….   I live with it over my face every day….  It is sewn on to my skin.

This mask covers my tobacco addiction and helps hold it close to me….. so I really need to let it be lifted off of me.  I need to struggle daily to hold this mask away from me and let myself breathe without it restricting me and what I do.

If I don’t do this, I know I will die with a mask on my face… and I don’t want that to happen.

SO WHERE'S MY TURKEY....   I'LL TAKE IT COLD.....   

Definate NOPE from me....  watching MJ on Oprah....   and STILL not smoking... but OH BOY... HE IS>... smoking HOT!

ROFLMAO>.......  yes, it's my blood.... but if you have ever sewn a dress or anything and stuck yourself with a needle???.... it's just like that... but from her, I knew she would do it at some point whenever I handled her...   she used to sort of sniff up and down a bit and then choose a spot, and just latch on....   lol.... but it did not really hurt. 

I'll try and find a pic of my 9 foot lad...   they are really gory...  of him chowing down on a rat.. and that show's how big there bite is....   it's half way down his throat before I even realised he was looking at me as if to say 'get out of my viv.. or you're next'....   lol

Doreen....  your whites frog looks just like two I used to care for... they were called fug and ugly... 

Thank you all for your responses...   I think it was a signature thingy I meant...  (brain fog/age moment).... but a ticker would be great too....   xx

Oh bless them....   My friend used to have several saved from the k yard...   she used to call the darkest one winky and the lightest one wonky, and the others you....   just you, and point at them when she was talking....     They seemed to understand what she was saying, and they were all beautiful animals.  Your two look lovely and healthy. 

This is how I rember Tina when I saw her in the UK

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EqIpkMDRjYw

I hope this is ok...  please let me know if it's unacceptable....  I think I am going to carry on posting on this thread links to music that I love and relate well to...

Oh lord.... please bring back Prince... 

or Etta James feeling good and shaking her booty....      Think she may have been my momma...   Love her....

Old is if you don't remember this...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0rdcFMGlTjY&list=RD5W9nsdkQ9Sg&index=10