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Rozuki

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Status Replies posted by Rozuki

  1. So this post is purely to explain where I vanished to...so where did I go?..... too far into my own head...Did I smoke, NOPE!!

    So I have a daily battle with anxiety just to walk out my front door, once I'm out I'm usually fine it's just getting out and interacting with that first person....then I'm usually OK until I get home and then the walls close in and the anxiety and doubt starts and I rehash every single interaction from the day from every angle.. so lockdown not so good for me..since late 2019 I have really struggled with my mental health including some suicidal episodes, my health/medications were the trigger but there were underlying things within my character and history and anxieties that fed my freefall. 2020-21 has been really bad for me...I left my job, which I hated, for what I hoped was greener pastures but instead was bad, bad, bad...all my psychological triggers hot switched and I basically worked if I was awake....I was doing more unpaid hours a week than paud hours and being criticised constantly because I wasn't working enough...which just fed that little voice in my head telling me how pathetic I am etc...I couldn't come here because I didn't have time (in my mind) and I couldn't be anything other than negative about anything...every day I saw or heard things that reminded me of here and the guilt I felt by vanishing weighed heavier and heavier and the need to come buck burnt more each day. So in August my radio station started spruiking Aus Music Month...and the happy voice in my head, thr one that had been squashed and silenced for nearly 2 years went, "Oi dipshit, Aus Music Month, one song a day, get your arse back on the train"..and I started working on a play list...a few days later I quit the job from he'll on a whim...then one of the dearest friends I've ever had, but never met, went on a campaign of sms to put a cracker up my arse to get me back, then I landed a new job, strict hours easier work, more money, win, win, win... and here I am back. Where I feel I belong, where I've just been accepted back, no questions, no awkwardness, as if I didn't vanish and ghost you all. Am I better?, will I ever be, probably not, and I making changes to improve things yep....Fark I missed you mob, every frickin day..

    So that's why I vanished, my brains broken and I thought you deserved better than my presence (see brains broke)... I know, and I've always known you mob don't care and accept all my crazy, just need to do it myself.

    Finally, to all my friends here, which us pretty much the lot of you, I am sorry. Sorry I vanished. Sorry despite knowing in my heart you wouldn't care that I couldn't be miss positivity and sunshine you mob wouldn't care I ran and hid. It was a shitty thing to do and the fact you have welcomed me back as I never left just proves what wonderful amazing people you all are.

    1. Rozuki

      Rozuki

      Welcome back, NSJo! I missed your sassy ass-comments and take on things around here!! Glad you were able to quit that job you hated!! PS I need to brush up on my Aussie-speak, it's been awhile....🤠

    2. (See 5 other replies to this status update)

  2. How are you doing?

    1. Rozuki

      Rozuki

      Where are you, NSjo?????

  3. Remarkable story you have. I know though it is not a 'story' but your reality of health issues you have had to deal with it and knowing having quit smoking it made getting through each one easier and more successful. So hoping life is more peaceful and kind for you going forward. 

    1. Rozuki

      Rozuki

      Thanks, @Barb63! I tell my story here to help others as I know I am very lucky to be here. My life now is quite different than it was 4 years ago. I retired 2 years ago and sold my house on Long Island, NY this past Feb '21 and am now living in Western North Carolina near the beautiful Blue Ridge Mtns w a fabulous man who truly cares about me after living alone for 12 years after my divorce. Every day  is an adventure now and I love it! 

       

      All the best to you, too, as you begin your quit journey! 😷 

  4. Creeping up on 5 days tomorrow I don't think I am going to make it....Got to find something to keep me busy, what? Hmmmm...may start me a forum on something....anything.

    1. Rozuki

      Rozuki

      Yes, that 1st week is hell! In fact, the whole 1st month is hell...but it gets easier if you think of it as one day at a time and keep moving forward. I did a lot of deep breathing, drinking water and eating twizzlers and going to sleep super early to get through the tough times. When the days start adding up....it became more real and motivating. Do you really want to lose how far you have come????

       

      PS I had 2 previous quits spaced about 25 years apart and lost both of them for silly reasons...I will  not make that mistake with this one!!!   

    2. (See 3 other replies to this status update)

  5. Merry Christmas everyone.... don't stress the Looney Bird will be back... gotta have my Boobie out.... just being a sparkly christmas ornament for the day... and remember.... everyone should be pineapples... Stand Tall, Be Sweet and Wear a Crown!

  6. Thinking about you today rozuki, I hope you're doing well. We miss you around here  :)

    1. Rozuki

      Rozuki

      Thanks, Jillar! My recent surgery took a lot of the wind out of my sails.....so have been laying low. Even getting online is painful sometimes but everyday I get a little bit stronger!? 

    2. (See 1 other reply to this status update)

  7. Thinking about you today rozuki, I hope you're getting stronger and feeling better everyday :)

    1. Rozuki

      Rozuki

      Thank you! I have been home from hospital for 3 weeks now...and it seems my life does not allow for relaxing and recuperating!! It has been crazy at my house!!!! Haven't really had the chance to get on here much but I think about this forum and you all every day....and I thank my lucky stars I quit smoking 15 months ago and stayed quit thanks to having a place to vent, play games, etc.....

    2. (See 2 other replies to this status update)

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QuitTrain®, a quit smoking support community, was created by former smokers who have a deep desire to help people quit smoking and to help keep those quits intact.  This place should be a safe haven to escape the daily grind and focus on protecting our quits.  We don't believe that there is a "one size fits all" approach when it comes to quitting smoking.  Each of us has our own unique set of circumstances which contributes to how we go about quitting and more importantly, how we keep our quits.

 

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